This week, we are looking at a section of a letter that
the Apostle Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, called the book of Ephesians. Yesterday,
we admitted that when many read the Apostle Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:22-23, a
mental image pops in our minds and the tension rises in our minds.
We argued that the tension that we tend to feel fill a
room when we discuss what the letters that make up the Bible have to say about
the relationship between men and women within a marriage, especially when it
comes to these verses, often flows from two specific areas of confusion. The
first area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about the idea of leadership
or authority within a marriage relationship is due to how our culture attempts
to portray God’s design when it comes to a women’s role in a marriage. The second
area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about leadership and
authority within a marriage relationship, which is the tendency in our culture
to confuse value and roles.
However, the letters that make up the Bible assign value
and worth to who we are as human beings, not as human doings. For example,
let’s look at the relationship between members of the Trinity. All three
members of the trinity possess the same nature. Yet while every member of the
trinity has the same nature, essence, and value, they have different roles,
responsibilities, and authority. God the Father is the first among equals; God
the Father exercises the leadership and authority role in the relationship
amongst the Trinity.
Another example is the twelve disciples. While there were
twelve disciples, and all twelve were equal in their value and worth as
disciples, Peter was the first amongst equals. Peter was the leader that the
rest of the disciples followed in terms of leadership and authority. We see
this throughout the book of Acts. This same principle also applies to God’s
design for relationships in humanity when it comes to men and women within
marriage. We see the mutual value and worth of men and women revealed for us in
Genesis 1:27:
God created
man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He
created them.
Both men and women were created by God in His relational
image and are of equal value and worth in His sight. And because of that
reality, men and women are to be treated with equal value, respect and worth by
one another. To treat a woman any other way contradicts the crystal-clear
teaching of God’s word.
In Genesis 2 we read that God formed man from the dust of
the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. God then gave
Adam a job to tend the garden and name the animals and just one command to
follow; don’t eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. But, as Adam
named all the animals, he did not find a helper suitable for him and we read
the first time that God said that something was not good; it is not good for
man to be alone.
So God caused Adam to fall to sleep and took one of his
ribs and formed Eve, the first woman. And as God brought Eve into Adam’s
presence, we see Adam’s response and God’s design for marriage revealed for us,
beginning in Genesis 2:22-25:
The LORD God
fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her
to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my
flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For
this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his
wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked
and were not ashamed.
Adam and Eve were both naked and not ashamed because they
were able to be totally transparent and vulnerable with one another. They were
united in their love for God and one another and viewed one another with equal
value and worth. Yet while Adam and Eve had equal value and worth in God’s
creation, they had different roles and responsibilities to fulfill; Adam was to
exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly
leading, providing, and protecting Eve. And Eve was to lovingly come under and
following Adam’s leadership in a way that allows for her spiritual growth and
good.
And just like our first parents, while men and women have
equal value and worth in God’s creation, men and women have different roles and
responsibilities to fulfill; men are to exercise a role of leadership and
authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting
women in ways that are appropriate to their relationship. Women are to fulfill
their role in relationships by lovingly coming under and following godly male
leadership in a way that allows for growth in their relationship with Christ
and to exercise the gifts that God has given them.
You see, the problem with the stereotypes that we looked
at yesterday is that none of them are found in the letters that make up the Bible
when it comes to the role that women have in a marriage relationship. First, as
we will discover next week, unlike Doormat Dora, God’s design when it comes to
the role of men in a marriage relationship does not promote the idea of a woman
being a docile doormat. The claim that a Biblical view of the role of women
promotes doormats and encourages abuse is both false and slanderous.
Second, unlike Dipstick Danielle, nowhere is Scripture do
we see God promote the idea of weak willed, unintelligent women. What the Bible
does promote are women who study and think hard about the message and teachings
of Jesus and how they are to apply these truths to their lives. And the pages
of the Bible are filled with strong willed and courageous women. Women like
Deborah, Abigail, Ruth, Esther and Mary, just to name a few. A Biblical view of
women promotes women who can swim against the cultural tide and critically
think for themselves.
Third, unlike Kitchen trapped Kathy, the letters that
make up the Bible does not teach that woman are to be homebound. What the Bible
does teach is that part of a woman’s role in the home is to help create and
maintain a welcoming environment where the marriage and family is nurtured and
can grow. However, as we will see next week, this does not mean that she has to
do all the chores or that the home is the sum of her existence. And for those
of you who get hyper spiritual on this particular issue, I would simply direct
you to Proverbs 31, where the woman described as the standard for women to follow
not only managed a household-she also ran a business.
Fourth, one of the great meanings and blessings is to
bear children and raise them in a way that promotes their good and God’s glory.
Yet, unlike Baby-popping Bertha, the Bible teaches that while marriage and
motherhood is a blessing, it is not a woman’s ultimate aim and goal. A woman’s
ultimate goal, just like men, is to live their lives in such a way that reveals
and reflects Jesus and advances the kingdom mission we have been given. Marriage
is neither absolute nor eternal. What is absolute and eternal is that we are to
live a life that is engaged in a relationship with Jesus Christ and the mission
that He has given us.
And fifth, unlike repressed Rita,
the Bible does not teach that women are second class citizens when it comes to
exercising their spiritual gifts talents and abilities in the church. As a
matter of fact, what the Bible teaches is that there is only one thing that a
woman cannot do when it comes to serving in a local church. The one thing that
a woman cannot do is be in the leadership position of an Elder or any position
that requires the qualifications of an Elder. The letters of the Bible are
filled with examples of woman who invested their time, talents, and treasure into
God’s kingdom mission in a way that resulted in God’s glory and in the
spiritual good and growth of others.
Now a natural and great question
that arises here is “well Dave if God really designed marriage relationships to
be like this, then why doesn’t my husband do what he is supposed to do? Why
doesn’t he lovingly, lead, protect, and provide for me?” Or you may be thinking
“Well Dave, if this is the case, if this is God’s design, then why do I want to
push back against this so hard?”
These are great questions to ask,
and Friday we will discover the answer and a timeless truth about the role of
women in marriage…
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