Timeless Questions Regarding Love and Lasting Relationships...

This week we are talking about a timeless truth that is often minimized and ignored when it comes to love and lasting relationships. Yesterday, we looked at Proverbs 14:15 and discovered that love and lasting relationships require preparation. In order to experience love and lasting relationships, we must prepare ourselves to become the right person. In order to experience love and lasting relationships, we must prepare ourselves so that the course, conduct, and consequences of our lives produce committed and lasting relationships. We discovered that our commitments are only as good as our preparation to keep those commitments.

Today I would like for us to answer some common questions to help you prepare for the future as you strive to become the right person that the person you are looking for is looking for.

One of the most common questions that I have been asked during my time in ministry is this: “When is it o.k. to start dating?” I have had this question asked by Jr. and Sr. High students. I have had this question asked to me by those who have went through a divorce or have been widowed; I have had the question “when is a good age to let my child start dating?” asked by parents.

And my response to that question is this: that is the wrong question to ask, to which I usually get a strange look. Instead, the right question to ask is this: “what is the purpose of dating?”, because, the answer to this question reveals a great deal about where the person is at in terms of their perspective. You see, some people would answer that question this way: the purpose of dating is so that I can eventually find someone to have sex with. That is how our culture often answers this question. I mean just look at the whole hook up culture.

However, most people usually answer the question “what is the purpose of dating?” to “find a spouse or to get married”. This answer leads to the following response: so are you ready to get married? So let’s ask that question this morning?

Are you as a Jr. and Sr. High student ready to get married? If you have been divorced or widowed, have you worked through your grief and pain, and are you in a position where the Bible states that you can be remarried, because reconciliation is impossible? Have you been working on becoming the right person or are you just looking to find a person?

If the answer to these questions are no; if you are not ready to get married, then why would you put yourself in a position where you can be tempted to sin sexually or experience all the drama that comes with dating for the wrong reasons? If you are not ready to be married; if you are not prepared emotionally or spiritually to be married, you should not even consider dating, because the naïve believe everything, but the sensible man considers his steps.

A second question that arises often is “How do you know when the person you are looking for has found you? How can we evaluate whether this is the one?” My personal belief is that the best way to evaluate whether a person is the one is to not go about dating the way our culture promotes dating. Now I am not necessarily advocating that you should not date at all. What I am saying is that should consider changing how you approach dating.

Think of it this way; what happens when you go out on a date? What happens is a guy usually goes out “one on one” with a girl to a restaurant, a movie, a sporting event, etc. to “get to know one another”. What happens when you go on a date is a guy and girl usually makes their best attempts to look their best and act their best in order to impress their date. We usually try to say what we believe they want to hear; we think of great one liners, we want to put out best foot forward.

Now with that in mind, here is the question; are you really being yourself or are you trying to be what the other person is looking for? And how are you going to be able to evaluate if they are the one in such a one on one environment that is focused on impressing one another?

What complicates this further is how we are taught to enter into relationships as a culture. As a culture, relationships usually progress in the following manner. We usually are looking to find the right person physically and end up engaging in the physical part of the relationship very quickly. We are then emotionally invested; we are evaluating whether there is chemistry. 

After entering into the relationship physically and emotionally, we then psychologically place all our hopes and dreams on the person for fulfillment. It is at this point that we may find out the person is very possessive or codependent. We discover that the person is very needy or we see danger signs that they may be unstable or abusive. But we are already physically and emotionally invested, so we stay in the relationship.

And as the relationship continues, we then begin to notice how they really handle themselves in social situations. And while they may be obnoxious, even rude socially to our family, friends, and others, we are in too deep, so then we stay. Unfortunately, in many cases, it is only at this point that questions about what they believe spiritually are even asked or considered.

Now here is alternative to consider. Instead of one on one dating, if there is a person that you find interesting, what would happen if you started by first discovering what their spiritual views were? Do they go to church, if so and how often? Are they involved in a community group? Do they serve in a ministry? In other words, before you even consider dating, are they in the same spiritual place that you are?

If the answer to that is yes, what would happen if you engaged that person from a distance, so to speak, in group settings? Doing activities as part of a large group enables a person to consider how the person they are interested in treats others in social situations. Doing activities in a large group enables a person to consider how a person is psychologically wired.

Most importantly, you are being who you generally are as a person, while the person who you are interested is being who they genuinely are, because they have no idea that you are considering them. You are able to engage them in a group and discover whether or not there is a connection. You are able to receive feedback from others as they get to know this person as others may see flaws in their character and conduct that you may miss. And this process keeps your emotional and physical involvement behind your leading from God and your commitment to the other person.

Now of the two approaches to dating, which one do you think would better help you consider whether or not you have found “the one”? “Because the naïve believe everything, but the sensible man considers his steps.”

Friday, we will look at some timeless advice when it comes to love and lasting relationships…

Love and lasting relationships require preparation...

During the month of February at the church where I serve, we have been spending our time together in a sermon series entitled love and lasting relationships. During this series, we are discovering what the Bible has to say about love and lasting relationships.

This week, I would like for us to look at a timeless truth that is often minimized and ignored when it comes to love and lasting relationships. Due to how our culture views love and relationships, this timeless truth is often missed. We discover this timeless truth in a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Old Testament of our Bibles called the book of Proverbs. It is in this section of this letter that we see the wisest man who ever lived make a profound statement that reveals this timeless truth. Today, I would like to look at this statement so as to discover this timeless truth when it comes to the issue of love and lasting relationships. So let’s look at this statement together, beginning in Proverbs 14:15:

The naive believes everything, But the sensible man considers his steps

In this proverb, we see Solomon communicate a proverb that contrasts two different types of people. To understand the significance of Solomon’s statement here, we first need to understand what proverbs are and how they function. Proverbs are little slices of truth about the way things generally happen in life, but not always. In other words, while proverbs are not iron clad promises, proverbs are little slices of truth that have been discovered from multiple people as a result of common experiences over time. So reading proverbs is like surrounding yourself with older, wiser, and more experienced people who can provide you advice about how life generally works.

With that in mind, we see Solomon contrast two different types of people. The fist type of person Solomon refers to as naïve. Now the word naïve, in the language that this letter was originally written in, literally means to be simple. A naïve person is a person who is gullible and easily deceived. A naïve person tends to be careless and is easily misled. Solomon then reveals the consequences that await the naïve person.

The naïve person, according to Solomon believes everything. Because the naïve person is careless; because the naïve person is gullible, the naïve person is easily deceived into believing everything. Now this word believed is the same word that is translated trust in the Bible and literally means to entrust oneself with complete confidence to someone or something. So the naïve person carelessly places their trust in what they hear with the result that they are deceived and misled.

Solomon then contrasts the naïve person with the sensible person. A sensible person is one who is shrewd or careful. And because the sensible person is shrewd and careful, they consider their steps. The word consider here literally means to consider and discern so as to have insight and understanding.  But this morning, what does Solomon mean when he says the sensible man considers his steps? When Solomon uses the word steps, this word refers to the course, conduct, and consequences that occur in one’s life.

This word refers to the lifestyle that one lives and the consequences that the lifestyle produces. This word refers to the direction that one takes as they travel on the pathway of life. Think of it this way: The course, conduct, and consequences of our lives are determined by each step that we take in our lives. The direction of our lives determines the destination that we arrive at in our lives. And that direction is determined by each step that we take in our day to day lives.

Solomon’s point here is that a careless and gullible person will not consider how the course and conduct of their lives will affect the consequences that they experience. The careless and gullible person will not take the time or effort to gain insight as to where the direction of their life and lifestyle is taking them. And as a result, they will suffer the consequences of their carelessness later in life.

By contrast, the sensible person considers the decisions that impact the direction of their lives in a way that provides them the insight to see the destination that they are heading towards. The sensible person prepares for the future by taking the time and effort to gain insight when it comes to the direction of their lives. The sensible person will carefully prepare for the future by asking questions and evaluating the direction of their life and lifestyle so as to be successful later in life.

And it is in this proverb that we discover a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships. And that timeless truth is this: Love and lasting relationships require preparation. In order to experience love and lasting relationships, we must prepare ourselves to become the right person. In order to experience love and lasting relationships, we must prepare ourselves so that the course, conduct, and consequences of our lives produce committed and lasting relationships. You see, marriage is not about love. Instead marriage is about commitment. People who are in love get married, but at the end of the day, marriage is about making a covenant commitment to one another before God.

Yet, while it is easy to make a commitment, it is much more difficult to keep that commitment. And if we do not take the time to prepare for the commitment to love and lasting relationships, the harsh reality is that we will not be able to keep our commitment to love and lasting relationships.  Now you might find yourself pushing back to what I just said. You might find yourself objecting to what I just said. If I have just described you, here is the thing; this timeless truth plays itself out in every aspect of our lives.

Let me give you an example. If I told you that next Sunday, I am committing to preach the entire sermon in Spanish; do you think that I could keep that commitment? Since I do not speak Spanish; and if I spent the next week not even looking at any Spanish, do you think I could keep that commitment? Of course not. If I told you that I am committing to run a five minute mile next month, but was not going to work out at all for the next month, do you think that I could keep that commitment?

You see, our commitments are only as good as our preparation to keep those commitments. That is why we are such a stickler for premarital counseling here at City Bible Church. That is why we are often accused of not wanting to marry people. We are such a stickler for premarital counseling because we believe that our commitments are only as good as our preparation. Love and lasting relationships are the product of lifelong preparation to keep one’s commitment to one another.

Tomorrow, we are going to begin asking and answering some common questions to help you prepare for the future as you strive to become the right person that the person you are looking for is looking for…

Love and lasting relationships require that we flee sexual immorality...

This week, we have been having a frank conversation about sex by looking at a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Bible called 1 Corinthians. Wednesday, we discovered that God created and designed sex to occur when one man leaves from his home to commit himself in a covenant relationship with one woman for an entire lifetime. Any sex that occurs outside of one man and one woman united in a monogamous marriage relationship for life is outside of God’s design.

The members of the church at Corinth, however, misunderstood God’s design for sexuality and the powerful nature of sex as God designed it. Paul also revealed that the sexual intercourse that occurs in a covenant marriage relationship that provides for the open expression of love in the context of total vulnerability and intimacy is a glimpse of the depth of the intimacy that we will have in our relationship with Christ for all eternity.

Today, as Paul continues, we see him give a timeless command to followers of Jesus that reveals for us a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships. So let’s look at this timeless command together, beginning in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20:

Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

In verse 18, Paul commands the members of the church at Corinth, and us today to flee immorality. Now the word “flee” here literally means to flee from something in order to avoid and keep from engaging in something because of its potential danger. In this case, Paul is referring to immorality, which is unlawful sexual intercourse, which is any sexual activity outside of a covenant marriage relationship; whether it is sex before marriage, sex in addition to marriage, which we call adultery, homosexual sexual activity and any other sexual activity that occurs outside of marriage.

Paul then gives the reason for such a strong command by stating that every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Paul’s point here is that the nature of sexual sin is so unique that the person who engages in unlawful sexual intercourse pollutes and corrupts their bodies in a way that no other selfish and sinful act can.

In verse 19, Paul then asks a rhetorical question that introduces another well known and generally accepted fact that the church should know in order to explain the reason that we should flee when it comes to sexual immorality: do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? Paul is revealing for the church at Corinth, and us as well, that followers of Jesus are temples of the Holy Spirit. In other words the Holy Spirit takes up residence and dwells in the bodies of followers of Jesus. The Apostle explains that the reason that the Holy Spirit dwells in us is because God has given us the Holy Spirit.

Paul then provides another reason why we should flee sexual immorality when he states that you are not your own. As followers of Jesus, the reality is that we are God’s possession. God owns us. Now this morning, you may be wondering, what do you mean God owns us? How does God own us?

In verse 20, Paul answers this question for us by stating for you have been bought with a price. Paul is bringing the members of the church of Corinth back to the reality of the cross. The cross reveals the reality that Christ rescued and redeemed us from our selfish and sinful lives by allowing Himself to be treated as though He lived our selfish and sinful lives so that God the Father could treat us as though we lived Jesus perfect life. And it is the price that Christ paid that not only brings us the forgiveness of sin and the relationship with God that we were created for but also makes us His possession.

Paul then concludes this section of this letter by explaining that in light of the price that Jesus paid to rescue and redeem us; in light of the reality that we are His possession, we are to glorify God with our bodies. The idea of glorifying God means to influence one’s opinion about God so as to enhance God’s reputation. Paul here is calling the members of the church at Corinth, and us here today to honor, extol, and make much of God by how we handle our physical bodies when it comes to sex. One of the ways that we reveal and reflect Christ to the world around us is by how we handle ourselves when it comes to our sexuality. We best reflect God’s other centered sacrificial love when we engage in sex in the context of marriage.

And it is in this passage that we see revealed for us a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships. And that timeless truth is this: Love and lasting relationships require that we flee sexual immorality. When it comes to love and lasting relationships we must flee sexual immorality. We must flee and keep on fleeing. Now, I want to address four potential questions or objections. First, there may be some of you here this morning who are thinking to yourself “Dave that is just old fashioned thinking”.

And my response to that objection is this: I will go out on a limb and say that there is not a single person who would ever say that they regretted following the counsel that Paul provides about this topic. There is not a single person that would make the statement “I really regret following Paul’s advice here”. On the contrary, for many of us in this room, whether you are a follower of Jesus or whether you are here because someone agreed to buy you lunch if you went to church with them, maybe the greatest regret in our lives involves failing to follow the timeless truth that Paul provides us in this passage.

Second, there may be some of you who are thinking to yourself “Dave you just don’t understand. I have needs. I have needs that have to be met”. And my response to that objection is this: This morning, it is a scientific fact that no human being has to have sex in order to survive. I am unaware of any human being who has died because they did not have sex. You see, you do not have a need; you have an appetite, a desire, a want.

Third, there may be some of you who are thinking to yourself “Dave you just don’t understand. How am I going to know if the sex is going to be good if I don’t have sex with my boyfriend or girlfriend before we get married? Dave, I need to test drive the car before I buy it”. My response to that objection is this: How do you know that the sex won’t be good?

You see, sex is the very thing that one wants to test which is destroyed by the testing. Because of the differences in how men and women have been wired, after the first, often awkward act of sexual intercourse, more often than not, women leave the experience having given their hearts away, while men often walk away thinking “that was not as good as I expected it to be”. 

And fourth, there may be some of you who are thinking to yourself “Dave if I don’t give in and have sex before I get married, then I will lose all the good men or women”. My response to that objection is simply this: If you troll with your body, you will catch body snatchers.

So here is the question: how are you going to approach sex?

Misunderstanding God’s design for sexuality...

This week, we are having a frank conversation about sex. And to have that frank conversation about sex, we are looking at a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Bible that was written by a man named Paul to a church that was located in Corinth Greece, called the book of 1 Corinthians.

Yesterday, we saw Paul reveal for us the reality that while God gives us the freedom and free will to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices have consequences that are neither advantageous or beneficial. And while God gives us the freedom and free will to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices can, and often do, enslave us in a lifestyle that ends up moving us away from God.

Just like eating, sex is an appetite that is only satisfied when it is fed, and that satisfaction only lasts until the appetite reappears. For the members of the church at Corinth, their desire to have sexual freedom had become an idol; their pursuit of pleasure through sex was more important than their pursuit of their relationship with Christ. And it was this worship of the sex that was moving them away from their worship of their Creator. And in the same way today, we commit idolatry when we place our sexual appetites and pleasure over our relationship with Christ.

Today, we will see Paul continue by revealing for us a second reason why we can find ourselves believing that we should have sexual freedom and license in 1 Corinthians 6:15-17:

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

 In verse 15, Paul uses a rhetorical question in order to introduce the well known and generally accepted fact that, as followers of Jesus, we are mystically and spiritually united with Christ. God right now sees us in Christ. This morning, if you are here and you are a follower of Jesus, God sees you in Christ. God does not see Dave Arnold, out here; God sees Dave Arnold in Christ as part of His body.

And in light of the reality that we are united mystically and spiritually in Christ, Paul asks the members of the church at Corinth if they should take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Paul then answers the questions with the strongest possible negative statement possible in the language that this was written in. In our culture it might sound like this- no way! But what does Paul mean when he asks whether they should take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?

In verse 16, the apostle provides the answer for us by introducing another well known and generally accepted fact that the church should know: “do you not know that the one who joins himself with a prostitute is one body with her?” To back up his point, Paul quotes part of Genesis 2:24 ‘the two shall become one flesh’. To understand what Paul is communicating here, we need to understand what happens when we have sex.

When we have sex with someone, the very act of sexual intercourse causes two separate bodies to become one. The act of sex physically, emotionally, and even spiritually fuses two people together. It’s kind of like this cardboard box I received in the mail this past week. This box came to church from UPS and contained a book that I had ordered. But to get the book, I first needed to open the box. Like many boxes, this box was closed with glue as an adhesive.

Now here is a question for you: have you ever been able to open a box that was glued together without destroying the box? Have you ever been able to open a box that has been glued together in a way that the individual pieces remains as they were prior to being glued? No. Usually what happens is the glue is so strong that part of one part of the lid ends us remaining on the other part of the lid as you rip the box open, doesn’t it?  We never end up with a clean break or separation of the parts of the box when we open a box, do we?

And just like that cardboard box, when we have sex with someone, pieces of us remain attached to one another. So, a piece of every person that you have ever had sex with has become a part of you. And because of the powerful nature of sex to connect us physically, emotionally, and spiritually, God designed sex for one specific environment, which is one man and one woman united in a monogamous marriage relationship for one lifetime. Let’s look at the entire quote of Genesis 2:24 to see this reality:

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

God created and designed sex to occur when one man leaves from his home to commit himself in a covenant relationship with one woman for an entire lifetime. Any sex that occurs outside of one man and one woman united in a monogamous marriage relationship for life is outside of God’s design.

The members of the church at Corinth, however, misunderstood God’s design for sexuality and the powerful nature of sex as God designed it. Parents, one of the biggest mistakes that we can make is to try to tell and convince our children that sex is bad. This is a mistake for two reasons. First, all our children have to do is to go look in the mirror to see that sex is not bad. Seriously. All a child has to do is say, “if sex is bad, then why am I here? And what about all my brothers and sisters? I mean are you going to try and convince your child that you just had sex one time and decided it was bad?  How is that argument going to go over?

Second, and unfortunately, many of the friends of your children are already experimenting with sex. So when you tell your children that sex is bad and then they hear their friends talking about how great sex is, you have just lost credibility to speak into your child’s life about sex.

And the church historically has done a horrible job when it comes to talking about sex. That is why many of you wanted to cringe in you seats when we began to talk about sex, isn’t it. Many of us have sat in an environment where a red faced preached pounded the pulpit and spewed condemnation when it came to sex.

However, the Bible clearly teaches that sex is an awesome gift from God that is divinely designed to be experienced in one environment- marriage. In verse 17, Paul then contrasts the one flesh relationship that occurs during sexual intercourse with the eternal relationship that occurs with Jesus Christ by stating that the one who unites himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

Paul’s point here is that the follower of Jesus who are united mystically and spiritually to Jesus Christ will experience a different type of intimacy that is eternal and unbreakable in nature. The sexual intercourse that occurs in a covenant marriage relationship that provides for the open expression of love in the context of total vulnerability and intimacy is a glimpse of the depth of the intimacy that we will have in our relationship with Christ for all eternity.

And because of this reality, we see the Apostle Paul give a timeless command to followers of Jesus that reveals for us a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships.

Tomorrow, we will look at this timeless command together…

The Timeless Debate Regarding Sex...

During the month of February we have been spending our time at the church where I serve in a sermon series entitled love and lasting relationships. This week, I would like for us to have a frank conversation about sex. And to have that frank conversation about sex, I would like to look at a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Bible that was written by a man named Paul to a church that was located in Corinth Greece, called the book of 1 Corinthians.

Why this letter is so significant is due to the amazing parallels between the Corinthian culture of Paul’s day and modern American culture. Just as in America, Corinthians tended to worship sex, just in a little more public and prominent way. The temple of Aphrodite had 1,000 prostitutes that helped people to worship, shall we say.

The city was so known for its sexual practices that the phrase “to act Corinthian” was coined to describe having sex outside of marriage. So instead of saying, I’m going to hook up with someone, people during this time of history would say “I’m going to act Corinthian”.  The parallels between Corinthian and American culture were striking.

And the members of the church of Corinth had questions for Paul when it came to how they should engage in sex as followers of Jesus in the midst of this culture. So, as part of his letter to the church at Corinth Paul responded and answered their questions regarding sex. So let’s look at the questions that the members of the church brought to the Apostle Paul’s attention, in 1 Corinthians 6:12:

All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through His power.

Paul begins this section of his letter to the church at Corinth by repeating a statement that the members of the church of Corinth had stated to him in defense of how they were behaving sexually: “all things are lawful for me”. The members of the church at Corinth believed that, as followers of Jesus, they now had the freedom to engage in wide range of sexual activities. “All things are lawful for me when it comes to how I express myself sexually” was their position before Paul.

Now, is that any different from our culture today? Just think about the messages that we hear from friends, family, the culture, and even from some fellow Christians. “That is so old fashioned and outdated thinking. Why don’t you catch up to the times? Exercise the freedom that you could have as a result of God’s grace”. You see the topic of sexuality and sexual freedom of expression is not a new debate: the topic of sexuality and how we should be able to express our sexuality has been a debate that has been raging for thousands of years.

In the second half of verse 12, we see Paul’s response to the members of the church of Corinth’s claim that they had freedom to engage in a variety of sexual activities. In his response, Paul points out two timeless realities to the church. First, Paul states that while we may believe that all things are permissible, not all things are profitable. While we may believe that we have a great deal of freedom as followers of Jesus to express ourselves sexually, not all of these behaviors are advantageous or benefit our well being. 

Second, Paul states that while we may believe that all things are permissible, he, for his part will not be mastered by anything. The word mastered here conveys the sense of being controlled or enslaved by something. Paul’s point is that while we may believe that we have a great deal of freedom as followers of Jesus to express ourselves sexually, we can run the risk of being controlled or enslaved by many types of behavior. And the reality is that while God gives us the freedom and free will to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices have consequences that are neither advantageous or beneficial. And while God gives us the freedom and free will to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices can, and often do, enslave us in a lifestyle that ends up moving us away from God.

In verse 13, Paul continues by explaining to the members of the church at Corinth that the sexual freedom that they were pursuing is only temporary. Paul uses the analogy of eating to help drive his point home. While the activity of eating involves a pleasurable relationship between food and our stomach, the enjoyment that we receive as a result of that relationship is temporary. I mean when you really think about it, the pleasure of eating only lasts until we are hungry again, doesn’t it?  And just like eating, sex is an appetite that is only satisfied when it is fed, and that satisfaction only lasts until the appetite reappears.

The Apostle then contrasts the temporary nature of physical pleasure with the eternal relationship that occurs between followers of Jesus and their Lord and Savior. When Paul states that the body is not for immorality, the word immorality describes any unlawful sexual intercourse, which would be any sexual activity that occurs outside of a marriage relationship. Paul’s point here is that we were not designed to be engaged in relationships that promote unlawful sexual intercourse, which are temporary in nature. Instead we were designed to have an eternal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Paul then provides the proof that we were designed for such a relationship in the reality of the resurrection. Just as God raised Jesus from the dead, God will also raise followers of Jesus from the dead in order to participate in the eternal relationship with Him that we were created for and have received as a result of believing, trusting, and following Jesus as Lord and Leader.

Paul here is bringing us face to face with the issue of idolatry, which is the worship of something other than God as God. For the members of the church at Corinth, their desire to have sexual freedom had become an idol; their pursuit of pleasure through sex was more important than their pursuit of their relationship with Christ. And it was this worship of the sex that was moving them away from their worship of their Creator.

And in the same way today, we commit idolatry when we place our sexual appetites and pleasure over our relationship with Christ.

Tomorrow, we will see Paul reveal a second reason why we can find ourselves believing that we should have sexual freedom and license…

Love and lasting relationships are the result of men treating women with honor and respect instead of a possession that provides a service.

This week we are answering a fundamental question that every man who desires to experience love and lasting relationships has to answer. And that question is this: how do you as a man view women? Do you view women as a possession that provides a service? Do you view women as a potential servant that meets a need? Do you view women as a commodity that decreases in value and worth over time?

Yesterday, we looked at the reality that Jesus began to engage and treat women in ways that left his disciples and others who lived in a culture that viewed women as possession that provided a service scratching their heads. Then after Jesus died and was raised again; after the birth of the church at Pentecost, early followers of Jesus began to proclaim the claims of Christ and message of the gospel throughout the Roman Empire. As the church began to spread throughout the empire, letters were written to these early churches. Paul wrote a letter to those who lived in a Roman culture that dominated and subjugated women calling men to love their wives as Christ loved the church?

Then, Peter, who was the leader of the early followers of Jesus, wrote a letter to followers of Jesus that were scattered throughout the Roman Empire. And as part of this letter, Peter makes a statement to early followers of Jesus that best summarizes how we are to view women. So let’s take a few minutes and look at this statement together. This statement is found in 1 Peter 3:7:

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

In this single statement, we see Peter provide two timeless commands as to how, as followers of Jesus, men are to view and treat women. First, Peter commands followers of Jesus throughout history to live with your wives in an understanding way. Now this command, if communicated in the language we use in our culture today, would have sounded something like this: Be knowledgeable when it comes to how you should treat women. Make sure that you have a clue and wrap your minds on how God has created and wired your wives and women in general.

Peter then unpacks how women are wired differently than men. Peter explains that we are to live with our wives in a knowledgeable way, by recognizing and understanding that they are someone weaker, since she is a woman. But what does that mean? So is Peter a sexist here? Is Peter a male chauvinist pig?

Unfortunately, this verse is perhaps one of the most misunderstood and misused verses in the entire Bible. This verse is often used as a sledgehammer by those who like to put the fun back in fundamentalism. Peter is not saying that women are of a lesser value and worth than men. Actually, as we will see in a minute, Peter is saying the opposite. Peter is not saying that men are better than women. Peter is simply saying that women are different than men. Peter is simply saying that men can probably bench press more than women. Peter is simply saying that, as a general rule, as a man you will probably win an arm wrestling match with a woman.

Mark Driscoll has a great analogy regarding what Peter is saying in this verse. You see, men are like a thermos. When it comes to how you treat a man, you can treat a man like a thermos. A thermos can be dropped, chucked in the back of a pickup truck, beaten up a little, and the thermos will still be fine. Women, on the other hand, are like a crystal goblet, if I were to treat a crystal goblet like a thermos, if I were to drop a crystal goblet, if I were to chuck a crystal goblet in the back of a pickup truck, I would damage and destroy that goblet, wouldn’t I?

You see, men are like a thermos and women are like a crystal goblet. Both men and women are created in the image of God and have equal value and worth in God’s sight. Men and women are just created and wired differently.

Which is why Peter, in the second half of verse 7, provides a second command to followers of Jesus: show her honor. Now this phrase, in the language that this letter was originally written in, literally means to grant someone the honor, respect, and esteem that they deserve. Peter is saying “Men, you need to grant honor to your wives and to women. Men, you need to treat women with respect and esteem”.

And, in case anyone wanted to push back against this command, Peter reveals why women are to be treated with respect and honor. Peter explains that women are fellow heirs of the grace of life. In other words men and women are co-heirs. Now an heir is someone who receives something as a possession.

And what both men and women receive is the grace of life. This phrase refers to the eternal relationship with God that we were created for that was given to us as a result of our rescue from selfishness and rebellion. The eternal life that we receive not as a result of our activity for God, but as a result of God’s transformational intervention and activity in the world through Jesus life, death, and resurrection.

Peter’s point here is that both men and women are equally valuable in God’s sight. Jesus entered into humanity and allowed Himself to be treated as though He lived our selfish and sinful lives so that God the Father could treat both men and women as though we lived Jesus perfect life. And because of the reality, we are to grant honor to women and treat women with respect.

But here is the part of this statement that we can pass over or overlook. Peter commands men to grant honor to women and treat women with respect so that your prayers will not be hindered. Here we see Peter reveal for us the reality that our relationship with God is impacted by how we treat women. Our vertical relationship with God is influenced by our horizontal relationship with women.

Men, do you feel like God is distant and disinterested in you? Men, do you feel like you have not experienced God’s presence or activity in your life for a while? Here’s the thing; God is not going to be present and active in your life as you are looking at porn on your computer. God is not going to be present and active in your life when you treat your spouse like a servant. God is not going to be present in your life when you treat women like a possession that provides you a service.

When we fail to give women the honor and respect that they deserve as an image bearer of God, then our relationship with God will suffer. And it is in this passage that we see revealed for us a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships. And that timeless truth is this: Love and lasting relationships are the result of men treating women with honor and respect instead of a possession that provides a service.

Now I recognize that almost everything that I have said swims against the current of our culture. Almost everything that I have said could be received as being “old fashioned”. Actually what is old fashioned is men treating women as a possession that provides a service. What is old fashioned is men looking for a servant instead of a spouse.

You see, Jesus began the women’s liberation movement and Christianity has been the biggest proponent of women’s right’s throughout history. It was early followers of Jesus that adopted baby girls that were left out to die of exposure. It was Christianity that has promoted the position that men and women are of equal value and worth in God’s eyes. It was Jesus and the message and teachings of Jesus that called for men to renew their minds and get rid of their stinking thinking when it came to how women were viewed and treated.

So I want to challenge men to renew your mind when it comes to how you view and treat women with your entertainment time in two specific areas. And in doing so, I will treat you like a thermos and not a crystal goblet.

First, I want to challenge men to, by sunset tonight, remove from their I Pod playlist or music library any and all music that refers to women as bitches, whores, or sluts. I challenge you to remove any and all music that promotes the view of women as possessions or commodities that provide a service.

Now, some of you men might be thinking “well Dave, that is just the culture we live in. That’s just how we express ourselves”. If you are a man and that thought is running through your mind, here is my response. You are influenced by what influences you. What you allow to influence your life will influence your view of life and in this case woman.

And by the way, how is that great culture working out for you? 16.4 million relationships ended in a divorce. The group entitled “divorced” is the fastest growing segment of the population in the U.S. 1/3 of divorced women live below the poverty line. 

Second, I want to challenge men to stop engaging in the use of pornography for entertainment. If this group is representative of men in America, then seventy percent of men between the ages of 18-34 have looked at internet porn at least once this month. Now, some of you men might be thinking “well Dave, looking at porn really is not that big a deal. I am not harming anyone. It’s just for entertainment”.

If you are a man and that thought is running through your mind, here is my response. Men, when you look at porn you are revealing three things about yourself. First, you are revealing that a physical relationship with a woman is not enough. Second, you are revealing that a physical relationship with one woman is not enough. And third, you are revealing that a physical relationship with your wife is not enough. That is what you are revealing about yourself when you look at online porn.

And unfortunately there are many women who are thinking to themselves “that explains a lot. That explains the distance between me and my husband. That explains why so many guys act the way that they do”. You see, looking at porn really is a big deal. Looking at porn not only results in you treating the image on the screen as a possession that provides a service. Looking at porn result in you treating the women in your life as a possession that provides a service. So, men it is time to renew your mind. Men, it is time to leave behind the things that influence you into viewing and treating women as a possession that provides a service.

So men, here is the question: how do you as a man view women? Do you view women as a possession that provides a service? Do you view women as a potential servant that meets a need? Do you view women as a commodity that decreases in value and worth over time? How do you as a man view women?

Jesus response to viewing women as a possession that provides a service...

This week we are answering a fundamental question that every man who desires to experience love and lasting relationships has to answer. And that question is this: how do you as a man view women? Do you view women as a possession that provides a service? Do you view women as a potential servant that meets a need? Do you view women as a commodity that decreases in value and worth over time?

Yesterday, we talked about the reality that in our culture, women are more often than not viewed as a possession that provides a service. Popular culture views women as a commodity and places enormous pressure on women to raise their value in the eyes of men by how they look and how they perform.

 

Unfortunately, this is not a new phenomenon; this view of women as a possession has been around for thousands of years. As a matter of fact, in the Jewish and Roman cultures of the first century, women were viewed by men in an incredibly negative manner. Women were treated as servants who were expected to obey their husbands in almost every aspect of their lives.

In the Roman culture of the 1^st century, it was not unusual for men to have multiple mistresses or for men to engage in sex with prostitutes so as to avoid the responsibility of having children or raising children. In addition, unlike today, most adoptions in Roman society did not occur when children were babies. In Roman culture, you would never adopt a baby. So, in the Roman Empire, female babies were often left on the street or taken to the garbage dump after being born to die of exposure.

And it was into the male dominated culture that treated women as possessions, and in some cases, less than human, that Jesus entered into humanity. It was into this culture that Jesus began to engage and treat women in ways that left his disciples scratching their heads. That is why when Jesus engaged in a conversation with a Samaritan woman in John chapter four, his disciples were so confused. Why would Jesus even take the time to engage a woman in such a conversation? I mean, just look at her; she’s a woman.

That is why the Jewish religious leaders were so offended when Jesus engaged a woman in Luke Chapter 7 who was caught up in a lifestyle of sin. They were offended because no self respecting man would let a woman enter into their party, especially one who was used over and over again by men as a possession. They were offended because no man would extend grace in such a way to such a woman. No self respecting man would allow a woman to provide financial support and be a part of His movement. And then Jesus called His closest followers together and said the following in John 13:34:

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

To which His Jewish disciples probably looked around and asked “what do you mean you want us to love one another as I have loved you? Does that include the women? You mean you want us to treat the women like you have treated the women? Yes, you are to treat the women just like I treated the women. Jesus, when you say all men will know, you mean just the men right? You mean the women to? Yes the women too”.

Then after Jesus died and was raised again; after the birth of the church at Pentecost, early followers of Jesus began to proclaim the claims of Christ and message of the gospel throughout the Roman Empire. As the church began to spread throughout the empire, letters were written to these early churches. In one of these letters, which is in our Bible today as the book of Ephesians, a man named Paul said the following in Ephesians 5:25:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved

the church

To which these early followers of Jesus, who lived in a Roman culture that dominated and subjugated women probably said “wait a minute, I have a question. What do you mean that we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church? Didn’t Christ die for the church? So are you saying we have to be willing to die for our wives? I can’t treat them as a possession that provides a service? I can’t treat them like a servant that meets a need? Yep. That’s what I am saying”.

Then, Peter, who was the leader of the early followers of Jesus, wrote a letter to followers of Jesus that were scattered throughout the Roman Empire. And as part of this letter, Peter makes a statement to early followers of Jesus that best summarizes how we are to view women.

Tomorrow, we will look at this statement and the timeless answer that it provides when it comes to how men are to treat women…

How do you, as a man, view women?

 

During the month of February at the church where I serve we are discovering what the Bible has to say about love and lasting relationships. This week, I would like for us to focus on the men. And the reason that I want to focus on the men is because there is a fundamental question that every man who desires to experience love and lasting relationships has to answer.

 

And that question is this: how do you as a man view women? Do you view women as a possession that provides a service? Do you view women as a potential servant that meets a need? Do you view women as a commodity that decreases in value and worth over time? How do you as a man view women?

Now if I was to ask every man to answer that question our loud, I am almost 100% sure that not a single man would answer yes to any of those questions. But instead of asking you to answer that question verbally, what answer would I receive if I looked at the playlist on your I-Pod? What answer would I receive if I looked at the cookies on your computer? What answer would I receive if I looked at the last ten movies that you rented?

You see, the reality is that in our culture, women are more often than not viewed as a possession that provides a service. Now if you do not think that is the case, then just spend a few minutes thinking back at the commercials that were portrayed to men during the Super Bowl last Sunday. If you do not think that is the case, just take a minute and look at the magazines as you check out at the local grocery store.

Are not those magazines dominated by articles about how a woman can provide the best service to her man? How you can look your best? T.V. and magazines portray women as possessions that provide a service to men. Popular culture views women as a commodity and places enormous pressure on women to raise their value in the eyes of men by how they look and how they perform.

Unfortunately, this is not a new phenomenon; this view of women as a possession has been around for thousands of years. As a matter of fact, in the Jewish culture of the first century, women were viewed by men in an incredibly negative manner. Josephus, who was a first century Jewish historian, stated that women were to be held to be inferior in all matters. Philo, who was a Jewish philosopher, refers throughout his writings to women and female traits as examples of weakness. A Jewish literary work of the times states that “better is the wickedness of a man than a women who does good”. And one of the Jewish prayers of the day included one in which a Jewish man thanked God that he was not a woman.

And then there was how women were viewed in the Roman culture of the first century. The Roman culture of the first century was male dominated cultures where women were treated as possessions. Roman law did not regard women as equal to men.

 

Women in Roman culture could not vote or hold political office. Women were treated as servants who were expected to obey their husbands in almost every aspect of their lives.
 

Women received only a basic education, if any at all, and were subject to the authority of a man. Traditionally, this was their father before marriage. After marriage, authority switched to their husband, who also had the legal rights over their children.

Women were viewed as a possession that was responsible to provide a child for heir, but not too many children. As a matter of fact, the birth rate among the ruling class declined to such an extent that the Roman emperor Caesar Augustus, who is mentioned in the accounts of Jesus birth, passed a series of laws intended to increase it, including special honors for women who bore at least three children. Those who were unmarried, divorced, widowed, or barren were prohibited from inheriting property unless named in a will.

In the culture of the 1^st century, it was not unusual for men to have multiple mistresses or for men to engage in sex with prostitutes so as to avoid the responsibility of having children or raising children. In addition, unlike today, most adoptions in Roman society did not occur when children were babies. In Roman culture, you would never adopt a baby. So, in the Roman Empire, female babies were often left on the street or taken to the garbage dump after being born to die of exposure.

And it was into the male dominated culture that treated women as possessions, and in some cases, less than human, that Jesus entered into humanity. It was into this culture that Jesus began to engage and treat women in ways that left his disciples scratching their heads.

Tomorrow, we will look at what Jesus and His followers said and did that cause men in the first century to scratch their heads…

What Does Walking In Love Look Like?

This week, we have been looking at a prevalent and powerful myth about love and lasting relationships called the right person myth. Yesterday, we looked at a section of a letter in the Bible called the book of Ephesians that revealed for us a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships. And that timeless truth is that love and lasting relationships are the result of becoming the right person, not finding the right person. Unlike the right person myth is celebrated by our culture and spread by Hollywood, the Bible reveals for us the reality that love and lasting relationships are the result of becoming the right person.

Love and lasting relationships are not the result of people falling in love. Instead, love and lasting relationships are the result of people who walking in love by giving those who they are in relationship with what they need most when they deserve it the least.  Andy Stanley conveys this timeless truth this way: “You need to become the person that the person you are looking for is looking for”.

Now you might be thinking to yourself “well Dave, how do I know when I am becoming the right person? How do I know when I am walking in love? How do I know that I am giving someone what they need most when they deserve it the least?” If those questions are running through your mind, I have some good news for you.

In another letter that is recorded for us in the New Testament of our Bibles called the book of 1 Corinthians, we see the Apostle Paul unpack what walking in love practically looks like in our day to day lives. So let’s look at this section of this letter together, beginning in 1 Corinthians 13:4:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In these verses we see Paul reveal the qualities that characterize the life of a person who is walking in love. When Paul states that love is patient, the word patient literally means to bear up under provocation without complaint. A person who walks in love is longsuffering in their dealings with those around us.

When Paul states that love is kind and is not jealous, he is revealing for us the reality that a person who walks in love is positively gracious and generous as they serve others. Instead of rivaling for position or recognition; instead of wanting what others have or not wanting others to have what they do have, a person who walks in love focuses on reflecting Christ’s grace and generosity to others.

When Paul states that love does not brag and is not arrogant, he is explaining that a person who walks in love does not have an exaggerated self concept that results in one being full of themselves and in one taking pride in their own accomplishments.

In verse 5, Paul explains that love does not act unbecomingly. In other words, a person who walks in love does not behave disgracefully or dishonorably with poor manners. In addition, a person who walks in love does not seek its own; it does not seek one’s own advantage or benefit by being insensitive and careless.

A person who walks in love, Paul explains is not easily irritated or provoked into sudden outbursts of anger. When Paul states that love does not take into account a wrong suffered, he is painting a word picture of a scorecard. Paul’s point here is that a person who walks in love does not keep a scorecard as to keep track of all the times that one has been offended.

Paul then continues in verse 6 by stating that love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. What Paul is communicating to us in this phrase is that a person who walks in love is driven to be excited about the truth of the Christian life and to rejoice in what is good, proper, and right when it comes to how they relate to God and one another.

Paul then concludes his description of the qualities that characterize the life of a person who is walking in love by stating that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. To bear all things means to protect and guard others from exposure to harm.

When Paul uses the phrase believe all things, he is reveal that a person who walks in love has no suspicion or cynicism. To hope all things, for Paul, involves having a positive outlook on the future, regardless of our current circumstances. Paul then concludes by explaining that Biblical love endures all things. In other words, a person who walks in love is not fickle, but instead holds on and remains faithful.

So are these the qualities that characterize how you conduct your life when it comes to your relationships? Would the person that you are seeking to experience a loving and lasting relationship say that those are the characteristics that mark your life? Would the people around you say that those are the characteristics that mark your life?

Because these are the characteristics of a person who is focused on becoming the right person and that conducts their day to day life that reveals and reflects the love of Christ in their relationships with others. And the timeless reality is that love and lasting relationships are the result of becoming the right person, not finding the right person.

So how are you attempting to experience love and lasting relationships?  Are you attempting to experience love and lasting relationships through the right person myth that is celebrated by our culture and spread by Hollywood? Or are you attempting to experience love and lasting relationships by becoming the right person that the person you are looking for is looking for?