This week, we are looking at a prevalent
and powerful myth in our culture when it comes to love and lasting relationships,
called the right person myth. Yesterday, we discovered that while the right
person myth states that the secret to finding the right person in to find the
right person, fall in love, and fix all your hopes and dreams on the person for
fulfillment, the right person myth is just that a myth.
Now a natural question that
comes to mind is “well Dave, if the right person myth is a myth, then how am I
supposed to go about dating so that I can experience love and lasting relationships?
If the right person myth is wrong, then what is right? Is there an
alternative?”
If those questions are going through your mind, I have some good
news for you. And that good news is that in a section of a letter that is
recorded for us in the Bible called the book of Ephesians, we see a man named
Paul provide for us an alternative to the right person myth. So let’s look at
that alternative together, beginning in Ephesians 5:1:
Therefore be
imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also
loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a
fragrant aroma.
Here we see the Apostle Paul command the members of the
church of Ephesus, and followers of Jesus throughout history, to do two things.
First, Paul commands followers of Jesus to be imitators of God. In other words,
as followers of Jesus we are to reveal and reflect Christ in our character and
conduct. Paul then provides a second command that unpacks specifically how followers
of Jesus are to reveal and reflect Christ: and walk in love.
Now when Paul uses the word walk here, this word, in the
language that this letter was originally written in, literally means to live
out or conduct one’s life. In other words, Paul here is commanding followers of
Jesus to live lives that are characterized by a selfless and sacrificial love
that places others before ourselves. Just as Jesus placed fallen and broken
humanity before Himself and allowed Himself to be treated as though He lived
our selfish and sinful lives, so that God the Father could treat us as though
we lived Jesus perfect life, as followers of Jesus we are to live lives that
are characterized by a selfless and other centered love.
And it is in Paul’s commands that we discover the
alternative to the right person myth when it comes to love and lasting
relationships. First, we see that instead of focusing on trying to find the
right person, the Bible calls us to focus on becoming the right person. As
followers of Jesus, we are to focus on becoming like Christ in our character
and in how we live out our relationships with God and with others.
Second, as we are
focusing on trying to become the right person, instead of trying to fall in
love, we are to walk in love. You see, unlike our culture, which views and
talks about love as though it were a noun, the Bible talks about love as a
verb. Here is a clear and simple definition of love that the Apostle Paul is
talking about here: Love is giving someone what they need most when they
deserve it the least. Biblical, selfless, sacrificial, other centered love is
active.
Third, we see that instead of fixing your hopes and
dreams on the right person for fulfillment, we are to fix our hope and dreams
on Christ for fulfillment. You see, if I were to fix all of my hopes and dreams
on Julie to meet all of my needs; if Julie was to fix all her hopes and dreams
on me to meet all of her needs, we have set one another up for failure. We have
set one another up for failure because both Julie and I are flawed, broken
people who will fall short.
There is only one person who can meet your deepest needs
and bring fulfillment to your life, and that person is Jesus. To place any
other person in a position where they must meet all of your needs is to make
them an idol and is to set them up for failure.
But what happens if you follow
these steps and the relationship does not work out? What if you are focused on
becoming the right person, walking in love, and are fixing our hope in Jesus to
meet our needs and the relationship does not last? Well, according to the
Bible, then you have not become the right person.
Instead of thinking the right
person was really the wrong person, the key question becomes “Am I the
right person?” Instead of pointing the finger at someone else, the Bible calls
us to point the thumb at the person in the mirror. So, if the relationship does
not work out, then you simply go back to step one and begin to the process to
become the right person.
And
it is in this passage that we see revealed for us a timeless truth when it
comes to love and lasting relationships. And that timeless truth is this: Love and lasting relationships are the result of becoming
the right person, not finding the right person. Unlike the right person myth is
celebrated by our culture and spread by Hollywood, the Bible reveals for us the
reality that love and lasting relationships are the result of becoming the
right person. Love and lasting relationships are not the result of people falling
in love.
Instead, love and lasting
relationships are the result of people who walking in love by giving those who
they are in relationship with what they need most when they deserve it the
least. Andy Stanley conveys this timeless
truth this way: “You need to become the person that the person you are looking
for is looking for”.
Now you might be thinking to
yourself “well Dave, how do I know when I am becoming the right person? How do
I know when I am walking in love? How do I know that I am giving someone what
they need most when they deserve it the least?” If those questions are running
through your mind, I have some good news for you. In another letter that is
recorded for us in the New Testament of our Bibles called the book of 1
Corinthians, we see the Apostle Paul unpack what walking in love practically
looks like in our day to day lives.
Tomorrow, we will look at what
walking in love looks like…
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