Love and lasting relationships are the result of men treating women with honor and respect instead of a possession that provides a service.

This week we are answering a fundamental question that every man who desires to experience love and lasting relationships has to answer. And that question is this: how do you as a man view women? Do you view women as a possession that provides a service? Do you view women as a potential servant that meets a need? Do you view women as a commodity that decreases in value and worth over time?

Yesterday, we looked at the reality that Jesus began to engage and treat women in ways that left his disciples and others who lived in a culture that viewed women as possession that provided a service scratching their heads. Then after Jesus died and was raised again; after the birth of the church at Pentecost, early followers of Jesus began to proclaim the claims of Christ and message of the gospel throughout the Roman Empire. As the church began to spread throughout the empire, letters were written to these early churches. Paul wrote a letter to those who lived in a Roman culture that dominated and subjugated women calling men to love their wives as Christ loved the church?

Then, Peter, who was the leader of the early followers of Jesus, wrote a letter to followers of Jesus that were scattered throughout the Roman Empire. And as part of this letter, Peter makes a statement to early followers of Jesus that best summarizes how we are to view women. So let’s take a few minutes and look at this statement together. This statement is found in 1 Peter 3:7:

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

In this single statement, we see Peter provide two timeless commands as to how, as followers of Jesus, men are to view and treat women. First, Peter commands followers of Jesus throughout history to live with your wives in an understanding way. Now this command, if communicated in the language we use in our culture today, would have sounded something like this: Be knowledgeable when it comes to how you should treat women. Make sure that you have a clue and wrap your minds on how God has created and wired your wives and women in general.

Peter then unpacks how women are wired differently than men. Peter explains that we are to live with our wives in a knowledgeable way, by recognizing and understanding that they are someone weaker, since she is a woman. But what does that mean? So is Peter a sexist here? Is Peter a male chauvinist pig?

Unfortunately, this verse is perhaps one of the most misunderstood and misused verses in the entire Bible. This verse is often used as a sledgehammer by those who like to put the fun back in fundamentalism. Peter is not saying that women are of a lesser value and worth than men. Actually, as we will see in a minute, Peter is saying the opposite. Peter is not saying that men are better than women. Peter is simply saying that women are different than men. Peter is simply saying that men can probably bench press more than women. Peter is simply saying that, as a general rule, as a man you will probably win an arm wrestling match with a woman.

Mark Driscoll has a great analogy regarding what Peter is saying in this verse. You see, men are like a thermos. When it comes to how you treat a man, you can treat a man like a thermos. A thermos can be dropped, chucked in the back of a pickup truck, beaten up a little, and the thermos will still be fine. Women, on the other hand, are like a crystal goblet, if I were to treat a crystal goblet like a thermos, if I were to drop a crystal goblet, if I were to chuck a crystal goblet in the back of a pickup truck, I would damage and destroy that goblet, wouldn’t I?

You see, men are like a thermos and women are like a crystal goblet. Both men and women are created in the image of God and have equal value and worth in God’s sight. Men and women are just created and wired differently.

Which is why Peter, in the second half of verse 7, provides a second command to followers of Jesus: show her honor. Now this phrase, in the language that this letter was originally written in, literally means to grant someone the honor, respect, and esteem that they deserve. Peter is saying “Men, you need to grant honor to your wives and to women. Men, you need to treat women with respect and esteem”.

And, in case anyone wanted to push back against this command, Peter reveals why women are to be treated with respect and honor. Peter explains that women are fellow heirs of the grace of life. In other words men and women are co-heirs. Now an heir is someone who receives something as a possession.

And what both men and women receive is the grace of life. This phrase refers to the eternal relationship with God that we were created for that was given to us as a result of our rescue from selfishness and rebellion. The eternal life that we receive not as a result of our activity for God, but as a result of God’s transformational intervention and activity in the world through Jesus life, death, and resurrection.

Peter’s point here is that both men and women are equally valuable in God’s sight. Jesus entered into humanity and allowed Himself to be treated as though He lived our selfish and sinful lives so that God the Father could treat both men and women as though we lived Jesus perfect life. And because of the reality, we are to grant honor to women and treat women with respect.

But here is the part of this statement that we can pass over or overlook. Peter commands men to grant honor to women and treat women with respect so that your prayers will not be hindered. Here we see Peter reveal for us the reality that our relationship with God is impacted by how we treat women. Our vertical relationship with God is influenced by our horizontal relationship with women.

Men, do you feel like God is distant and disinterested in you? Men, do you feel like you have not experienced God’s presence or activity in your life for a while? Here’s the thing; God is not going to be present and active in your life as you are looking at porn on your computer. God is not going to be present and active in your life when you treat your spouse like a servant. God is not going to be present in your life when you treat women like a possession that provides you a service.

When we fail to give women the honor and respect that they deserve as an image bearer of God, then our relationship with God will suffer. And it is in this passage that we see revealed for us a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships. And that timeless truth is this: Love and lasting relationships are the result of men treating women with honor and respect instead of a possession that provides a service.

Now I recognize that almost everything that I have said swims against the current of our culture. Almost everything that I have said could be received as being “old fashioned”. Actually what is old fashioned is men treating women as a possession that provides a service. What is old fashioned is men looking for a servant instead of a spouse.

You see, Jesus began the women’s liberation movement and Christianity has been the biggest proponent of women’s right’s throughout history. It was early followers of Jesus that adopted baby girls that were left out to die of exposure. It was Christianity that has promoted the position that men and women are of equal value and worth in God’s eyes. It was Jesus and the message and teachings of Jesus that called for men to renew their minds and get rid of their stinking thinking when it came to how women were viewed and treated.

So I want to challenge men to renew your mind when it comes to how you view and treat women with your entertainment time in two specific areas. And in doing so, I will treat you like a thermos and not a crystal goblet.

First, I want to challenge men to, by sunset tonight, remove from their I Pod playlist or music library any and all music that refers to women as bitches, whores, or sluts. I challenge you to remove any and all music that promotes the view of women as possessions or commodities that provide a service.

Now, some of you men might be thinking “well Dave, that is just the culture we live in. That’s just how we express ourselves”. If you are a man and that thought is running through your mind, here is my response. You are influenced by what influences you. What you allow to influence your life will influence your view of life and in this case woman.

And by the way, how is that great culture working out for you? 16.4 million relationships ended in a divorce. The group entitled “divorced” is the fastest growing segment of the population in the U.S. 1/3 of divorced women live below the poverty line. 

Second, I want to challenge men to stop engaging in the use of pornography for entertainment. If this group is representative of men in America, then seventy percent of men between the ages of 18-34 have looked at internet porn at least once this month. Now, some of you men might be thinking “well Dave, looking at porn really is not that big a deal. I am not harming anyone. It’s just for entertainment”.

If you are a man and that thought is running through your mind, here is my response. Men, when you look at porn you are revealing three things about yourself. First, you are revealing that a physical relationship with a woman is not enough. Second, you are revealing that a physical relationship with one woman is not enough. And third, you are revealing that a physical relationship with your wife is not enough. That is what you are revealing about yourself when you look at online porn.

And unfortunately there are many women who are thinking to themselves “that explains a lot. That explains the distance between me and my husband. That explains why so many guys act the way that they do”. You see, looking at porn really is a big deal. Looking at porn not only results in you treating the image on the screen as a possession that provides a service. Looking at porn result in you treating the women in your life as a possession that provides a service. So, men it is time to renew your mind. Men, it is time to leave behind the things that influence you into viewing and treating women as a possession that provides a service.

So men, here is the question: how do you as a man view women? Do you view women as a possession that provides a service? Do you view women as a potential servant that meets a need? Do you view women as a commodity that decreases in value and worth over time? How do you as a man view women?