Lasting relationships require that we flee sexual immorality...

This week we have been having a frank conversation about sex by looking at a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Bible that was written by a man that we know today as the Apostle Paul to a church that was located in Corinth Greece, called the book of 1 Corinthians. So far this week, we have seen Paul reveal the reality is that while God gives us the freedom to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices have consequences that are neither advantageous or beneficial. And while God gives us the freedom to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices can, and often do, enslave us in a lifestyle that ends up moving us away from God.

In addition, Paul explained that humanity was not designed to be engaged in relationships that promote unlawful sexual intercourse, which are temporary in nature. Instead humanity was designed to have an eternal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Paul then provided the proof that we were designed for such a relationship by pointing to the resurrection of Jesus. Paul revealed that  we commit idolatry when we place our sexual appetites and pleasure over our relationship with Jesus.

Paul then revealed that when we have sex with someone, the very act of sexual intercourse causes two separate bodies to become one. The act of sex physically, emotionally, and even spiritually fuses two people together. It’s kind of like this piece of duct tape. And because of the powerful nature of sex to connect us physically, emotionally, and spiritually, God designed sex for one specific environment, which is one man and one woman united in a monogamous marriage relationship for one lifetime.

God created and designed sex to occur when one man leaves from his home to commit himself in a covenant relationship with one woman for an entire lifetime. Any sex that occurs outside of one man and one woman united in a monogamous marriage relationship for life is outside of God’s design. The members of the church at Corinth, however, misunderstood God’s design for sexuality and the powerful nature of sex as God designed it. However, the Bible clearly teaches that sex is an awesome gift from God that is divinely designed to be experienced in one environment- marriage.

In addition, Paul revealed that the follower of Jesus who is united mystically and spiritually to Jesus Christ will experience a different type of intimacy that is eternal and unbreakable in nature. The sexual intercourse that occurs in a covenant marriage relationship that provides for the open expression of love in the context of total vulnerability and intimacy is a glimpse of the depth of the intimacy that we will have in our relationship with Jesus for all eternity.

And because of this reality, we see the Apostle Paul give a timeless command to followers of Jesus that reveals for us a timeless truth when it comes to lasting relationships. So, let’s look at this timeless command together in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20:

Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

In verse 18, Paul commands the members of the church at Corinth, and followers of Jesus throughout history, to flee immorality. Now the word “flee” here literally means to flee from something in order to avoid and keep from engaging in something because of its potential danger. In this case, Paul is referring to immorality, which is unlawful sexual intercourse, which is any sexual activity outside of a covenant marriage relationship; whether it is sex before marriage, sex in addition to marriage, which we call adultery, homosexual sexual activity, solo sexual activity and any other sexual activity that occurs outside of marriage.

Paul then provided the reason for such a strong command by stating that every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Paul’s point here is that the nature of sexual sin is so unique that the person who engages in unlawful sexual intercourse pollutes and corrupts their bodies in a way that no other selfish and rebellious act can.

In verse 19, Paul then asks a rhetorical question that introduces another well known and generally accepted fact that the church should know in order to explain the reason that we should flee when it comes to sexual immorality: do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? Paul is revealing to the church at Corinth, and us as well, that followers of Jesus are temples of the Holy Spirit.

In other words, the Holy Spirit takes up residence and dwells in the bodies of followers of Jesus. The Apostle explains that the reason that the Holy Spirit dwells in us is because God has given us the Holy Spirit. Paul then provided another reason why we should flee sexual immorality when he states that you are not your own. As followers of Jesus, the reality is that we are God’s possession. God owns us. you may be wondering, what do you mean God owns us? How does God own us?

In verse 20, Paul answered this question for us by stating for you have been bought with a price. Paul is bringing the members of the church of Corinth back to the reality of the cross. The cross reveals the reality that Christ rescued and redeemed us from our selfish and sinful lives by allowing Himself to be treated as though He lived our selfish and sinful lives so that God the Father could treat us as though we lived Jesus perfect life. And it is the price that Christ paid that not only brings us the forgiveness of sin and the relationship with God that we were created for but also makes us His possession.

Paul then explained that in light of the price that Jesus paid to rescue and redeem us; in light of the reality that we are His possession, we are to glorify God with our bodies. The idea of glorifying God means to influence one’s opinion about God so as to enhance God’s reputation. Paul here is calling the members of the church at Corinth, and us here today to honor, extol, and make much of God by how we handle our physical bodies when it comes to sex. One of the ways that we reveal and reflect Christ to the world around us is by how we handle ourselves when it comes to our sexuality. We best reflect God’s other centered sacrificial love when we engage in sex in the context of marriage.

And it is in this passage that we see revealed for us a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships. And that timeless truth is this: Lasting relationships require that we flee sexual immorality. When it comes to lasting relationships we must flee sexual immorality. We must flee baby flee.

Now, I want to address four potential questions or objections. First, there may be some of you who are thinking to yourself “Dave that is just old-fashioned thinking”. And my response to that objection is this: I will go out on a limb and say that there is not a single person who would ever say that they regretted following the counsel that Paul provides about this topic. There is not a single person that would make the statement “I really regret following Paul’s advice here”. On the contrary, for many of us in this room, whether you are a follower of Jesus or whether you are here because someone agreed to buy you lunch if you went to church with them, maybe the greatest regret in our lives involves failing to follow the timeless truth that Paul provides us in this passage.

Second, there may be some of you who are thinking to yourself “Dave you just don’t understand. I have needs. I have needs that have to be met”. And my response to that objection is this: This morning, it is a scientific fact that no human being has to have sex in order to survive. I am unaware of any human being who has died because they did not have sex. You see, you do not have a need; you have an appetite, a desire, a want.

Third, there may be some of you here this morning who are thinking to yourself “Dave you just don’t understand. How am I going to know if the sex is going to be good if I don’t have sex with my boyfriend or girlfriend before we get married? Dave, I need to test drive the car before I buy it”. My response to that objection is this: How do you know that the sex won’t be good?

You see, sex is the very thing that one wants to test which is destroyed by the testing. Because of the differences in how men and women have been wired, after the first, often awkward act of sexual intercourse, more often than not, women leave the experience having given their hearts away, while men often walk away thinking “that was not as good as I expected it to be”. 

And fourth, there may be some of you who are thinking to yourself “Dave if I don’t give in and have sex before I get married, then I will lose all the good men or women”. My response to that objection is simply this: If you fish for relationships by trolling with your body, you will catch body snatchers.

So, here is the question: how are you going to approach sex? How are you going to handle yourself physically when it comes to how you express yourself sexually?

What happens when we have sex?

This week, we are having a blunt conversation about sex by looking at a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Bible that was written by a man that we know today as the Apostle Paul to a church that was located in Corinth Greece, called the book of 1 Corinthians. This letter is so significant because of the amazing parallels between the Corinthian culture of Paul’s day and modern American culture. Just as in America, Corinthians tended to worship sex, just in a little more public and prominent way.

And the members of the church of Corinth had questions for Paul when it came to how they should engage in sex as followers of Jesus in the midst of this culture. Yesterday, we saw Paul

repeat a statement that the members of the church of Corinth had stated to him in defense of how they were behaving sexually: “all things are lawful for me”. The members of the church at Corinth believed that, as followers of Jesus, they now had the freedom to engage in wide range of sexual activities. “All things are lawful for me when it comes to how I express myself sexually” was their position before Paul.

Paul responded to the members of the church of Corinth’s claim that they had freedom to engage in a variety of sexual activities by pointing out two timeless realities. First, while God gives us the freedom to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices have consequences that are neither advantageous or beneficial. And while God gives us the freedom to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices can, and often do, enslave us in a lifestyle that ends up moving us away from God.

Then, in verse 13, Paul painted a word picture to explain that just like eating, sex is an appetite that is only satisfied when it is fed, and that satisfaction only lasts until the appetite reappears. Paul explained that we were not designed to be engaged in relationships that promote unlawful sexual intercourse, which are temporary in nature. Instead we were designed to have an eternal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

The core issue that Paul here is exposing is the issue of idolatry, which is the worship of something other than God as God. You see, for the members of the church at Corinth, their desire to have sexual freedom had become an idol; their pursuit of pleasure through sex was more important than their pursuit of their relationship with Jesus. And it was this worship of the sex that was moving them away from their worship of their Creator.

And in the same way today, we commit idolatry when we place our sexual appetites and pleasure over our relationship with Jesus. Paul then continued to respond to the belief that we should have sexual freedom and license in 1 Corinthians 6:15-17:

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

 In verse 15, Paul uses a rhetorical question in order to introduce the well known and generally accepted fact that, as followers of Jesus, we are mystically and spiritually united with Christ. God right now sees us in Christ. This morning, if you are here and you are a follower of Jesus, God sees you in Christ. God does not see Dave Arnold, out there; God sees Dave Arnold in Christ as part of His body.

And in light of the reality that we are united mystically and spiritually in Christ, Paul asks the members of the church at Corinth if they should take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Paul then answered his questions with the strongest possible negative statement possible in the language that this was written in. But what does Paul mean when he asks whether they should take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?

In verse 16, the apostle provides the answer for us by introducing another well known and generally accepted fact that the church should know: “do you not know that the one who joins himself with a prostitute is one body with her?” To back up his point, Paul quotes part of Genesis 2:24 ‘the two shall become one flesh’. To understand what Paul is communicating here, we need to understand what happens when we have sex. When we have sex with someone, the very act of sexual intercourse causes two separate bodies to become one. The act of sex physically, emotionally, and even spiritually fuses two people together.

It’s kind of like a piece of duct tape. Now here is a question for you: have you ever tried to pull apart a piece of duct tape after it has been stuck together? Have you ever been able to pull apart a piece of duct tape after it has been stuck together in a way that the individual pieces remain as they were prior to being put together? No. Usually what happens is the glue is so strong that part of one part of the tape ends us remaining on the other part of the tape as you rip the tape apart, doesn’t it?  We never end up with a separation of the tape when we attempt to separate the tape, do we?

And just like that duct tape, when we have sex with someone, pieces of us remain attached to one another. So, a piece of every person that you have ever had sex with has become a part of you. And because of the powerful nature of sex to connect us physically, emotionally, and spiritually, God designed sex for one specific environment, which is one man and one woman united in a monogamous marriage relationship for one lifetime. Let’s look at the entire quote of Genesis 2:24 to see this reality:

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

God created and designed sex to occur when one man leaves from his home to commit himself in a covenant relationship with one woman for an entire lifetime. Any sex that occurs outside of one man and one woman united in a monogamous marriage relationship for life is outside of God’s design. The members of the church at Corinth, however, misunderstood God’s design for sexuality and the powerful nature of sex as God designed it.

Parents, one of the biggest mistakes that we can make is to try to tell and convince our children that sex is bad. This is a mistake for two reasons. First, all our children have to do is to go look in the mirror to see that sex is not bad. Seriously. All a child has to do is say, “if sex is bad, then why am I here? And what about all my brothers and sisters? I mean are you going to try and convince your child that you just had sex one time and decided it was bad?  How is that argument going to go over? Second, and unfortunately, many of the friends of your children are already experimenting with sex. So, when you tell your children that sex is bad and then they hear their friends talking about how great sex is, you have just lost credibility to speak into your child’s life about sex.

And the church historically has done a horrible job when it comes to talking about sex. That is why many of you wanted to cringe in you seats when we began to talk about sex, isn’t it? Many of us have sat in an environment where a red faced preached pounded the pulpit and spewed condemnation when it came to sex. However, the Bible clearly teaches that sex is an awesome gift from God that is divinely designed to be experienced in one environment- marriage.

In verse 17, we see Paul contrast the one flesh relationship that occurs during sexual intercourse with the eternal relationship that occurs with Jesus Christ by stating that the one who unites himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Paul’s point here is that the follower of Jesus who is united mystically and spiritually to Jesus Christ will experience a different type of intimacy that is eternal and unbreakable in nature.

The sexual intercourse that occurs in a covenant marriage relationship that provides for the open expression of love in the context of total vulnerability and intimacy is a glimpse of the depth of the intimacy that we will have in our relationship with Jesus for all eternity. And because of this reality, we see the Apostle Paul give a timeless command to followers of Jesus that reveals for us a timeless truth when it comes to lasting relationships.

Friday, we will discover this truth...

Sexuality and Idolatry...

At the church where I serve, we are in the middle of a sermon series entitled Relationships or Relationsinks. During this series, we are discovering what the Bible has to say about lasting relationships. This week, I would like for us to have a blunt conversation about sex. And to have that blunt conversation about sex, I would like for us to look a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Bible that was written by a man that we know today as the Apostle Paul to a church that was located in Corinth Greece, called the book of 1 Corinthians.

The reason why this letter is so significant is due to the striking similarities between the Corinthian culture of Paul’s day and modern American culture. Just as in America, the Corinthian culture tended to worship sex, just in a little more public and prominent way. For example, the temple of Aphrodite in Corinth had 1,000 prostitutes that helped people to worship, shall we say.

In addition, the city of Corinth was so known for its sexuality and sexual practices that the phrase “to act Corinthian” was coined to describe having sex outside of marriage. So instead of saying, “I’m going to hook up with someone”, “Or I am going to swipe on Tinder”, people during this time of history would say “I’m going to act Corinthian”.  The parallels between Corinthian and American culture are striking.

And the members of the church of Corinth had questions for Paul when it came to how they should engage in sex as followers of Jesus in the midst of this culture. So, as part of his letter to the church at Corinth, Paul responded and answered their questions regarding sex. So, let’s look at the questions that the members of the church brought to the Apostle Paul’s attention, in 1 Corinthians 6:12:

All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through His power.

Paul begins this section of his letter to the church at Corinth by repeating a statement that the members of the church of Corinth had stated to him in defense of how they were behaving sexually: “all things are lawful for me”. The members of the church at Corinth believed that, as followers of Jesus, they now had the freedom to engage in wide range of sexual activities. “All things are lawful for me when it comes to how I express myself sexually” was their position before Paul.

Here’s the thing: is that any different from our culture today? Just think about the messages that we hear from friends, family, the culture, and even from some Christians. “That is so old fashioned and outdated thinking. Why don’t you catch up to the times? Exercise the freedom that you could have as a result of God’s grace”. You see the topic of sexuality and sexual freedom of expression is not a new debate: the topic of sexuality and how we should be able to express our sexuality has been a debate that has been raging for thousands of years.

In the second half of verse 12, we see Paul’s response to the members of the church of Corinth’s claim that they had freedom to engage in a variety of sexual activities. In his response, Paul points out two timeless realities to the church. First, Paul states that while the members of the church at Corinth believed that all things were lawful when it came to how they expressed themselves sexually, not all things are profitable. While we may believe that we have a great deal of freedom as followers of Jesus to express ourselves sexually, not all of these behaviors are advantageous or benefit our well being. 

Second, Paul states that while the members of the church at Corinth believed that all things were lawful when it came to how they expressed themselves sexually, he, for his part will not be mastered by anything. The word mastered here conveys the sense of being controlled or enslaved by something. Paul’s point is that while we may believe that we have a great deal of freedom as followers of Jesus to express ourselves sexually, we can run the risk of being controlled or enslaved by many types of behavior.

And the reality is that while God gives us the freedom to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices have consequences that are neither advantageous or beneficial. And while God gives us the freedom to make choices when it comes to how we express ourselves sexually, those choices can, and often do, enslave us in a lifestyle that ends up moving us away from God.

Then, in verse 13, Paul explained to the members of the church at Corinth that the sexual freedom that they were pursuing is only temporary. Paul used the analogy of eating to help drive his point home. While the activity of eating involves a pleasurable relationship between food and our stomach, the enjoyment that we receive as a result of that relationship is temporary. I mean when you really think about it, the pleasure of eating only lasts until we are hungry again, doesn’t it?  

And just like eating, sex is an appetite that is only satisfied when it is fed, and that satisfaction only lasts until the appetite reappears. The apostle then contrasted the temporary nature of physical pleasure with the eternal relationship that occurs between followers of Jesus and their Lord and Savior. When Paul states that the body is not for immorality, the word immorality describes any unlawful sexual intercourse, which would be any sexual activity that occurs outside of a marriage relationship. Paul’s point here is that we were not designed to be engaged in relationships that promote unlawful sexual intercourse, which are temporary in nature. Instead we were designed to have an eternal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Paul then provided the proof that we were designed for such a relationship by pointing to the resurrection of Jesus. Just as God raised Jesus from the dead, God will also raise followers of Jesus from the dead in order to participate in the eternal relationship with Him that we were created for and have received as a result of believing, trusting, and following Jesus as Lord and Leader. The core issue that Paul here is exposing is the issue of idolatry, which is the worship of something other than God as God.

You see, for the members of the church at Corinth, their desire to have sexual freedom had become an idol; their pursuit of pleasure through sex was more important than their pursuit of their relationship with Jesus. And it was this worship of the sex that was moving them away from their worship of their Creator. And in the same way today, we commit idolatry when we place our sexual appetites and pleasure over our relationship with Jesus.

Tomorrow, we will see Paul continue to address the belief that the members of the church at Corinth had when it came to how they expressed themselves sexually…

Two Challenges to Men...

This week we have been focusing on the men because there is a fundamental question that every man who desires to experience a lasting relationship has to ask and answer. And that question is this: how do you as a man view women? We discovered that the reality is that in our culture, women are more often than not viewed as a possession that provides a service.

Unfortunately, this is not a new phenomenon; this view of women as a possession has been around for thousands of years. We then looked at a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the New Testament of the Bible, called the book of 1 Peter. In 1 Peter 3:7, we see Peter reveal for us a timeless truth when it comes to lasting relationships in that lasting relationships are the result of men treating women with honor and respect instead of a possession that provides a service.

While that could be received as being “old fashioned”, what is old fashioned is men treating women as a possession that provides a service. What is old fashioned is men looking for a servant instead of a spouse. You see, Jesus began the women’s liberation movement and Christianity has been the biggest proponent of women’s rights throughout history. It was early followers of Jesus that adopted baby girls that were left out to die of exposure. It was Christianity that has promoted the position that men and women are of equal value and worth in God’s eyes. It was Jesus and the message and teachings of Jesus that called for men to renew their minds and get rid of their stinking thinking when it came to how women were viewed and treated.

So today I want to challenge men to renew your mind when it comes to how you view and treat women with your entertainment time in two specific areas. And in doing so, I will treat you like a thermos and not a crystal goblet.

First, I want to challenge men to, by sunset tonight, remove from their I Pod playlist or music library any and all music that refers to women as bitches, whores, or sluts. I challenge you to remove any and all music that promotes the view of women as possessions or commodities that provide a service.

Now, some of you men might be thinking “well Dave, that is just the culture we live in. That’s just how we express ourselves”. If you are a man and that thought is running through your mind, here is my response. You are influenced by what influences you. What you allow to influence your life will influence your view of life and in this case woman. And by the way, how is that great culture working out for you? approximately 46% of marriages end in divorce. The group entitled “divorced” is the fastest growing segment of the population in the U.S.  Finally, 1/3 of divorced women live below the poverty line. 

Second, I want to challenge men to stop engaging in the use of pornography for entertainment. If this group is representative of men in America, then 79 percent of men between the ages of 18-30 have looked at internet porn at least once this month.

Now, some of you men might be thinking “well Dave, looking at porn really is not that big a deal. I am not harming anyone. It’s just for entertainment”. If you are a man and that thought is running through your mind, here is my response. Men, when you look at porn you are revealing three things about yourself.

First, you are revealing that a physical relationship with a woman is not enough. Second, you are revealing that a physical relationship with one woman is not enough. And third, you are revealing that a physical relationship with your wife is not enough. That is what you are revealing about yourself when you look at online porn.

And unfortunately, right about now, there are many women in this room who are thinking to themselves “that explains a lot. That explains the distance between me and my husband. That explains why so many guys act the way that they do”. You see, looking at porn really is a big deal. Looking at porn not only results in you treating the image on the screen as a possession that provides a service. Looking at porn result in you treating the women in your life as a possession that provides a service. So, men it is time to renew your mind. Men, it is time to leave behind the things that influence you into viewing and treating women as a possession that provides a service.

So men, how do you as a man view women? Do you view women as a possession that provides a service? Do you view women as a potential servant that meets a need? Do you view women as a commodity that decreases in value and worth over time? Or do you view women as a being worthy of honor and respect as an image bearer of God? How do you as a man view women?

And what does what you view when it comes to women reveal about how you view women? Because, the timeless reality is that lasting relationships are the result of men treating women with honor and respect instead of a possession that provides a service…

Lasting relationships are the result of men treating women with honor and respect instead of a possession that provides a service...

This week we are examining how our culture often views and treats women. Yesterday, we discovered that in our culture, women are more often than not viewed as a possession that provides a service. Popular culture views women as a commodity and places enormous pressure on women to raise their value in the eyes of men by how they look and how they perform.

Unfortunately, this is not a new phenomenon; this view of women as a possession has been around for thousands of years. As a matter of fact, in the Jewish culture of the first century, women were viewed by men in an incredibly negative manner. And then there was how women were viewed in the Roman culture of the first century. The Roman culture of the first century was male dominated culture where women were treated as possessions.

And it was into the male dominated culture that treated women as possessions, and in some cases, less than human, that Jesus entered into humanity. It was into this culture that Jesus began to engage and treat women in ways that left his disciples scratching their heads.

That is why when Jesus engaged in a conversation with a Samaritan woman in John chapter four, his disciples were so confused. Why would Jesus even take the time to engage a woman in such a conversation? I mean, just look at her; she’s a woman. That is why the Jewish religious leaders were so offended when Jesus engaged a woman in Luke Chapter 7 who was caught up in a lifestyle of sin.

They were offended because no self-respecting man would let a woman enter into their party, especially one who was used over and over again by men as a possession. They were offended because no man would extend grace in such a way to such a woman. No self-respecting man would allow a woman to provide financial support and be a part of His movement. And then Jesus called His closest followers together and said the following in John 13:34-35:

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

To which His Jewish disciples probably looked around and asked “what do you mean you want us to love one another as I have loved you? Does that include the women? You mean you want us to treat the women like you have treated the women? Yes, you are to treat the women just like I treated the women. Jesus, when you say all men will know, you mean just the men right? You mean the women to? Yes, the women too”.

Then after Jesus died and was raised again; after the birth of the church at Pentecost, early followers of Jesus began to proclaim the claims of Christ and message of the gospel throughout the Roman Empire. As the church began to spread throughout the empire, letters were written to these early churches. In one of these letters, which is in our Bible today as the book of Ephesians, a man named Paul said the following in Ephesians 5:25:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church

To which these early followers of Jesus, who lived in a Roman culture that dominated and subjugated women probably said “wait a minute, I have a question. What do you mean that we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church? Didn’t Christ die for the church? So are you saying we have to be willing to die for our wives? I can’t treat them as a possession that provides a service? I can’t treat them like a servant that meets a need? Yep. That’s what I am saying”.

Then, Peter, who was the leader of the early followers of Jesus, wrote a letter to followers of Jesus that were scattered throughout the Roman Empire. And as part of this letter, Peter makes a statement to early followers of Jesus that best summarizes how we are to view women. So this morning, let’s take a few minutes and look at this statement together. This statement is found in 1 Peter 3:7:

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

In this single statement, we see Peter provide two timeless commands as to how, as followers of Jesus, men are to view and treat women. First, Peter commands followers of Jesus throughout history to live with your wives in an understanding way. Now when Peter uses the phrase, live with your wives in an understanding way, this phrase conveys the sense of gaining an intellectual grasp of something.

Peter then unpacks what husbands are to gain an intellectual grasp of when it comes to their wives, with the phrase as with someone weaker, since she is a woman. Now it is important to understand that when Peter talks about women being weaker, he is not saying that women are less valuable than men.  Peter is not saying that women are of less worth than men. What Peter is saying with this phrase is that women are different than men. What Peter is saying with this phrase is that men and women have been created and wired differently to fulfill different roles and responsibilities. And intuitively we know this to be true, don’t we?

           

For example, while men and women have been designed by God with equal value and worth before God, they demonstrate strength in very different ways. As a general rule, men are physically stronger than women. As a general rule, men tend to bench press more than women. However, while men can bench more than women, women demonstrate and display strength in areas that make men shrivel and shrink. And men, if you don’t think that is the case, then you have probably never been in a room when a woman gives birth.

Another example involves how men and women relate to one another. Mark Driscoll once illustrated the difference between men and women by explaining that men are like a thermos, while women are like a goblet. Men are like a thermos: a thermos you can place in the back of a pickup truck and let it get tossed around; a thermos you can drop from a second story building; a thermos is designed in a way that it responds to circumstances in certain way. However, if you were to take a goblet and place it the back of a pickup truck; if you were to drop a goblet from a second story building, the goblet would respond to those circumstances much differently, wouldn’t it?

It is not that the goblet is less valuable than the thermos; as a matter of fact the opposite is the case. Instead, the goblet is different than the thermos; it has a different role and responsibility to fulfill. You see, men are like a thermos and women are like a crystal goblet. Both men and women are created in the image of God and have equal value and worth in God’s sight. Men and women are just created and wired differently.

Which is why Peter, in the second half of verse 7, provided a second command to followers of Jesus: show her honor. Now when Peter uses the word honor, here, this word refers to honor as a possession. In other words, honor here refers to the respect that one is to enjoy. So Peter here is commanding husbands to give their wives respect as a result of the commitment that they had made to their wives to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Peter then explained that the reason why they were to give their wives respect was due to the fact that she is a fellow heir of the grace of life. But that does that mean?

With this phrase, Peter is referring to God’s transformational intervention and activity in the world through Jesus that results in one experiencing eternal life in relationship with God.  Peter’s point is that both men and women are equal recipients of the inheritance that comes as a result of being a part of God’s kingdom community called the church. Both men and women equally have a new identity as a part of God’s kingdom community as a result of God’s transformational intervention and activity through Jesus in their lives.

Peter’s point here is that both men and women are equally valuable in God’s sight. Jesus entered into humanity and allowed Himself to be treated as though He lived our selfish and sinful lives so that God the Father could treat both men and women as though we lived Jesus perfect life. And because of the reality, we are to grant honor to women and treat women with respect.

But here is the part of this statement that we can pass over or overlook. Peter commands men to grant honor to women and treat women with respect so that your prayers will not be hindered. Here we see Peter reveal for us the reality that our relationship with God is impacted by how we treat women. Our vertical relationship with God is influenced by our horizontal relationship with women.

Men, do you feel like God is distant and disinterested in you? Men, do you feel like you have not experienced God’s presence or activity in your life for a while? Here’s the thing; God is not going to be present and active in your life as you are looking at porn on your computer. God is not going to be present and active in your life when you treat your spouse like a servant. God is not going to be present in your life when you treat women like a possession that provides you a service.

When we fail to give women the honor and respect that they deserve as an image bearer of God, then our relationship with God will suffer. And it is here that we discover another timeless truth when it comes to lasting relationships. And that timeless truth is this: Lasting relationships are the result of men treating women with honor and respect instead of a possession that provides a service.

Now I recognize that almost everything that I have written could be received as being “old fashioned”. Actually, what is old fashioned is men treating women as a possession that provides a service. What is old fashioned is men looking for a servant instead of a spouse.

You see, Jesus began the women’s liberation movement and Christianity has been the biggest proponent of women’s rights throughout history. It was early followers of Jesus that adopted baby girls that were left out to die of exposure. It was Christianity that has promoted the position that men and women are of equal value and worth in God’s eyes. It was Jesus and the message and teachings of Jesus that called for men to renew their minds and get rid of their stinking thinking when it came to how women were viewed and treated.

Friday, I will challenge men to renew their mind when it comes to how they view and treat women with their entertainment time in two specific areas...

The historical view of women as a commodity...

At the church where I serve we are in the middle of a sermon series entitled Relationships or Relationsinks. During this series, we are discovering what the letters that make up the Bible have to say about relationships. Regardless of your age and stage of life, regardless of your marital status, this series is designed to bring people to the place where they are better equipped to experience love and lasting relationships.

This week, I would like for us to spend our time together by focusing on the men. And the reason that I want to focus on the men is because there is a fundamental question that every man who desires to experience a lasting relationship has to ask and answer. And that question is this: how do you as a man view women?

Do you view women as a possession that provides a service? Do you view women as a potential servant that meets a need? Do you view women as a commodity that decreases in value and worth over time? How do you as a man view women? Now if I was to ask every man to answer that question our loud, I am almost 100% sure that not a single man would answer yes to any of those questions.

But what answer would I receive if I looked at the playlist on your mobile device, or on Spotify or Pandora? What answer would I receive if I looked at the cookies on your computer? What answer would I receive if I looked at the last ten movies that you rented?

You see, the reality is that in our culture, women are more often than not viewed as a commodity. More often than not, women are viewed as a possession that provides a service. Now if you do not think that is the case, then just spend a few minutes thinking back at the commercials that were portrayed to men during any sporting event on TV. If you do not think that is the case, just take a minute and look at the magazines as you check out at the local grocery store.

Are not those magazines dominated by articles about how a woman can provide the best service to her man? How you can look your best? T.V. and magazines portray women as possessions that provide a service to men. Popular culture views women as a commodity and places enormous pressure on women to raise their value in the eyes of men by how they look and how they perform.

Unfortunately, this is not a new phenomenon; this view of women as a commodity; this view of women as a possession has been around for thousands of years. As a matter of fact, in the Jewish culture of the first century, women were viewed by men in an incredibly negative manner.

Josephus, who was a first century Jewish historian, stated that women were to be held to be inferior in all matters. Philo, who was a Jewish philosopher, refers throughout his writings to women and female traits as examples of weakness. A Jewish literary work of the times states that “better is the wickedness of a man than a women who does good”. And one of the Jewish prayers of the day included one in which a Jewish man thanked God that he was not a woman.

And then there was how women were viewed in the Roman culture of the first century. The Roman culture of the first century was male dominated culture where women were treated as possessions. Roman law did not regard women as equal to men. Women in Roman culture could not vote or hold political office. Women were treated as servants who were expected to obey their husbands in almost every aspect of their lives.

Women received only a basic education, if any at all, and were subject to the authority of a man. Traditionally, this was their father before marriage. After marriage, authority switched to their husband, who also had the legal rights over their children. Women were viewed as a possession that was responsible to provide a child for heir, but not too many children.

As a matter of fact, the birth rate among the ruling class declined to such an extent that the Roman emperor Caesar Augustus, who is mentioned in the accounts of Jesus birth, passed a series of laws intended to increase it, including special honors for women who bore at least three children. Those who were unmarried, divorced, widowed, or barren were prohibited from inheriting property unless named in a will.

In the culture of the 1^st century, it was not unusual for men to have multiple mistresses or for men to engage in sex with prostitutes so as to avoid the responsibility of having children or raising children. In addition, unlike today, most adoptions in Roman society did not occur when children were babies. In Roman culture, you would never adopt a baby. So, in the Roman Empire, female babies were often left on the street or taken to the garbage dump after being born to die of exposure.

And it was into the male dominated culture that treated women as possessions, and in some cases, less than human, that Jesus entered into humanity. It was into this culture that Jesus began to engage and treat women in ways that left his disciples scratching their heads.

Tomorrow, we will begin to look at how Jesus engaged and treated women in a way that left men scratching their heads…

The qualities that characterize the life of a person who is walking in love...

This week we have been addressing and attacking perhaps the most prominent and powerful myth about relationships, which is the right person myth. After exposing the right person myth, we looked at a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the New Testament of the Bible, called the book of Ephesians, where we discovered a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships in that lasting relationships are the result of becoming the right person, not finding the right person.

Unlike the right person myth that is celebrated by our culture and spread by Hollywood, the letters that make up the Bible reveal for us the reality that lasting relationships are the result of becoming the right person. Lasting relationships are not the result of people falling in love. Instead, lasting relationships are the result of people who walking in love by giving those who they are in relationship with what they need most when they deserve it the least. 

Now you might be thinking to yourself “well Dave, how do I know when I am becoming the right person? How do I know when I am walking in love? How do I know that I am giving someone what they need most when they deserve it the least?”

If those questions are running through your mind, I have some more good news for you. In another letter that is recorded for us in the New Testament of our Bibles called the book of 1 Corinthians, we see the Apostle Paul unpack what walking in love practically looks like in our day to day lives. So, let’s look at this section of this letter together, beginning in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In these verses we see Paul reveal the qualities that characterize the life of a person who is walking in love. When Paul states that love is patient, the word patient literally means to bear up under provocation without complaint. A person who walks in love is longsuffering in their dealings with those around them.

When Paul states that love is kind, he is revealing for us the reality that a person who walks in love is positively gracious and generous as they serve others. Instead of rivaling for position or recognition; instead of wanting what others have or not wanting others to have what they do have, a person who walks in love focuses on reflecting Christ’s grace and generosity to others.

When Paul states that love does not brag and is not arrogant, he is explaining that a person who walks in love does not have an exaggerated self concept that results in one being full of themselves and in one taking pride in their own accomplishments. Then, in verse 5, Paul explains that love does not act unbecomingly. In other words, a person who walks in love does not behave disgracefully or dishonorably with poor manners.

In addition, a person who walks in love does not seek its own; it does not seek one’s own advantage or benefit by being insensitive and careless. A person who walks in love, Paul explains is not easily irritated or provoked into sudden outbursts of anger.

When Paul states that love does not take into account a wrong suffered, he is painting a word picture of a scorecard. Paul’s point here is that a person who walks in love does not keep a scorecard as to keep track of all the times that one has been offended.

Paul then continues in verse 6 by explaining that love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. What Paul is communicating to us in this phrase is that a person who walks in love is driven to be excited about the truth of the Christian life and to rejoice in what is good, proper, and right when it comes to how they relate to God and one another.

Paul then concludes his description of the qualities that characterize the life of a person who is walking in love in verse 7 by stating that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. To bear all things means to protect and guard others from exposure to harm.

When Paul uses the phrase believe all things, he is revealing the reality that a person who walks in love has no suspicion or cynicism. To hope all things, for Paul, involves having a positive outlook on the future, regardless of our current circumstances. Paul then concludes by explaining that Biblical love endures all things. In other words, a person who walks in love is not fickle, but instead holds on and remains faithful.

So, with all of this in mind, here is a question to consider: Are these the qualities that characterize how you conduct your life when it comes to your relationships? Would the person that you are seeking to experience a lasting relationship with say that these are the characteristics that mark your life? Would the people around you that know you best say that these are the characteristics that mark your life?

Because these are the characteristics of a person who is focused on becoming the right person and that conducts their day to day life that reveals and reflects the love of Christ in their relationships with others. And the timeless reality is that lasting relationships are the result of becoming the right person, not finding the right person.

So how are you attempting to experience love and lasting relationships?  Are you attempting to experience a lasting relationship through the right person myth that is celebrated by our culture and spread by Hollywood? Or are you attempting to experience a lasting relationship by becoming the right person that the person you are looking for is looking for?