Our relationships are influenced by what influences us...

This week we are looking at a section of a letter in the New Testament of the Bible, called the book of Ephesians, where the Apostle Paul commanded the members of the church at Ephesus, and followers of Jesus throughout history, to “be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise”. If Paul was to make this command to us in the language we use in our culture today, this command would sound something like this: “carefully consider and take note about how you are conducting your life. Carefully consider how you are living your life”. 

Paul basically said to the members of the church at Ephesus “there is divine wisdom and understanding that is available to you, so make sure that you are living your life in a way that is exercising that divine wisdom and discernment.” Paul then explained that the harsh reality is that life on earth is filled with plenty of activities and relationships that are morally and socially damaging and destructive.

 And because of that reality, in verse 17, Paul commands the members of the church at Ephesus and followers of Jesus throughout history to “do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Instead of living life in a way that consistently disregards reality, Paul commands that we understand what the will of the Lord is. When you see the word will in our Bibles, most often this word refers to God’s desires for one’s life. You see, God has a desire for how He would like me to live my life in relationship with Him and one another. And God has a desire for how he would like you to live your life in relationship with Him and one another.

And as we will see in this series, God has a desire for how we are to live in our family relationships. The letters that make up the Bible clearly provide for us God’s desire and design for families and for family relationships. But before revealing God’s desire and design for family relationships, Paul makes a statement that reveals for us a timeless principle about relationships. So let’s look at that statement together, which is found in Ephesians 5:18:

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but

be filled with the Spirit,

In this verse, we see the Apostle Paul paint for us a timeless word picture that reveals a timeless truth about relationships: “Do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit”. To help us wrap our minds around what Paul is communicating here, let me share a story that vividly illustrates this word picture.

My freshman year in college, after a home football game, I gave a teammate a ride back to Indianapolis so that he could visit his family. Now by the time we left campus and made it to Indianapolis, it was already past midnight. My teammate lived in one of the tougher sections of the city. After dropping him off, as I waited at an intersection on my way back to the freeway, I watched as a very large and very drunk man stumbled to my car. As the man approached, I noticed that the front of his pants were soaked with urine. The man then reached my car, leaned across the hood, and proceeded to throw up all over the windshield and front of the car. After throwing up all over my car, the man then mumbled something and finished stumbling across the intersection and down the street.

Now if the Apostle Paul was riding shotgun with me on that trip, he would have called that man’s behavior dissipation. This word means to live a life that is of reckless abandon that is a waste. Instead of living according to God’s design and desire, this man’s reckless abandon resulted in a life that was wasting away toward destruction.

Paul then contrasts the life of reckless abandon of a drunken man with someone who is filled with the Spirit. The Spirit here refers to the Holy Spirit. Paul’s point here is that we are to carefully consider our lives when it comes to what controls and influences their lives. Instead of being controlled by something that results in a life marked by reckless abandon and that wastes opportunities to live wisely in relationship with God and others, as followers of Jesus, we are to live a life that is controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit.

And it is in this word picture that we see the Apostle Paul reveal a foundational and timeless principle that impacts our relationships. And that timeless principle is this: Our relationships are influenced by what influences us. The timeless reality is that the level of health in our relationships is directly impacted by what influences or controls us. Whether you are a follower of Jesus not, your relationships are influenced by what influences you. Relationships do not occur in a vacuum; in every relationship there are external and internal forces at work in your life that influence the health of the relationships in your life.

And here we see the Apostle Paul reveal for us the reality that to have the relationships that God desires and designed for us, especially when it comes to family relationships, require that we live a life that is influenced and controlled by the Spirit of God.         Now as you hear that last statement, a natural pushback that some of you may be feeling may be “well Dave, are you saying that only Christians can have healthy relationships? Because I know many Christians that have messed up family relationships and I know many people who are not Christians that have good relationships.”

And I would respond by saying you are exactly right. There are followers of Jesus whose family and other relationships are marked by unhealthy tension and conflict. And there are those who reject the claims of Christ and the message of the gospel that have what would be described as good relationships. My response to this reality is this; we can have good relationships and still not experience that relationship as God desires and designs it to be. And in many cases, there are relationships that are influenced by good things, yet those relationships are not influenced by God things. And this reality reinforces the timeless principle that our relationships are influenced by what influences us.

Now a second question that arises here is “what does a relationship that is influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit look like? And how do I know if my relationships are influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit?” That is a great question.

And regardless of whether you are a follower of Jesus or not, a person can look at their relationships and the relationships of those around them and begin to recognize what influences and controls those relationships. And in the verses that follow, we see Paul begin to unpack four specific evidences that appear in relationships that are controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit.

Tomorrow, we will look at these verses together...