This week, we have been looking at a section of a letter
that is recorded for us in the New Testament of the Bible, called the book of
Ephesians, where the Apostle Paul has focused on a wife’s role and responsibility
within a marriage relationship. In Ephesians 5:22-23, we see Paul command wives to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a
way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And Paul seems to
add to the tension when he states that wives are to be subject as to the Lord.
In other words, women are to willingly place themselves under their husband’s
leadership in the same manner that they are to place themselves under the
leadership of Jesus.
We discovered that the tension that we tend to feel when
we discuss what the letters that make up the Bible have to say about the
relationship between men and women within a marriage, often flows from two
specific areas of confusion. The first area of confusion that can often arise
when we talk about the idea of leadership or authority within a marriage
relationship is due to how our culture attempts to portray God’s design when it
comes to a women’s role in a marriage. A second area of confusion that can
often arise when we talk about leadership and authority within a marriage
relationship, which is the tendency in our culture to confuse value and roles.
We then discovered the principle of “the first among
equals” in that while Adam and Eve had equal value and worth in God’s creation,
they had different roles and responsibilities to fulfill; Adam was to exercise
a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading,
providing, and protecting Eve. And Eve was to lovingly come under and following
Adam’s leadership in a way that allows for her spiritual growth and good. And
just like our first parents, while men and women have equal value and worth in
God’s creation, men and women have different roles and responsibilities to
fulfill; men are to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among
equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting women in ways that are
appropriate to their relationship. Women are to fulfill their role in
relationships by lovingly coming under and following godly male leadership in a
way that allows for growth in their relationship with Christ and to exercise
the gifts that God has given them.
Now a natural and great question that arises here is
“well Dave if God really designed marriage relationships to be like this, then
why doesn’t my husband do what he is supposed to do? Why doesn’t he lovingly,
lead, protect, and provide for me?” Or you may be thinking “Well Dave, if this
is the case, if this is God’s design, then why do I want to push back against
this so hard?” These are great questions to ask, and here would be my answer: We
push back on this so hard just as our first parents pushed back on this truth.
We see their pushback recorded for us just one chapter later, in Genesis 3:1-7:
Now the
serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had
made. And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat
from any tree of the garden '?" The woman said to the serpent, "From
the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree
which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat from it
or touch it, or you will die.'" The serpent said to the woman, "You
surely will not die! "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your
eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight
to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to
her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened,
and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made
themselves loin coverings.
Instead of fulfilling his responsibility to lovingly,
lead, protect, and provide for his wife, Adam cowardly chose to allow Eve to
lead their relationship. God gave His command to Adam, who was expected to lead
the couple in following the commandment. The result was disobeying God’s
command and sin entered the world and corrupted God’s design and creation. We
see the specific consequences of our first parent’s sin that leads women to
push back against their role in marriage relationships in Genesis 3:16:
To the woman
He said, "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you
will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he
will rule over you."
What is so interesting here is that this phrase “your
desire will be for your husband” is not referring to a sexual or relational
desire. We know that to be the case because this phrase is used just one
chapter later, in Genesis chapter four. After God rejected an act of worship
that was offered by Adam and Eve’s son, named Cain. Cain was very angry. He was
so angry that his anger was revealed in his countenance or body language. And
it is in this context that we see this phrase appear again in Genesis 4:7:
"If you
do well, will not your countenance be
lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its
desire is for you, but you must master it."
You see, sin was crouching at Cain’s door, desiring to
dominate and manipulate Cain into rebelling against God. And in the same way, as
a result of our first parent’s sin, all women throughout history have a natural
bent and desire to rebel against God’s design in creation by seeking to usurp
and rebel against God’s design for marriage relationships by attempting to
exercise leadership and domination over men. And as a result of our first
parent’s sin, men tend to abdicate their leadership responsibilities and instead
function as either cowards or chauvinists. And we see Paul reinforce God’s
design when it comes to the role and goal that a woman has in a marriage
relationship with the following statement in Ephesians 5:24:
But as the
church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Paul reinforces God’s design for women within a marriage
relationship by explaining that just as followers of Jesus are to willingly
place themselves under His leadership as they exist in community with one
another, wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their
husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And
what makes this statement even more difficult is the last two words in
everything. This is not just about what occurs in the bedroom, or the laundry
room. Wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their
husbands in every aspect of their marriage.
And it is here that we see Paul reveal for us a timeless
truth when it comes to how a woman’s response to God’s design can reveal a
great deal about where they are spiritually in terms of the depth of your
relationship with Christ. And for wives specifically, the timeless reality is that
a wife’s willingness to embrace and place themselves under a husband’s godly
leadership reflects a wife’s willingness to follow Jesus leadership.
You see, ladies, your willingness to willingly place
yourself under the leadership of Jesus will be reflected in your willingness to
willingly place yourself under your husband’s godly leadership. As followers of
Jesus, we can often find ourselves practically living life in this manner: God
you can be large and in charge of these parts of my life, but when it comes to
my money, when it comes to my habits, or when it comes to my marriage, I will
be large and in charge of those parts of my life.
However, Jesus desires to be large and in charge of every
part of our lives, including our marriages. And when God created marriage, He
divinely designed specific roles and goals within marriage that result in God’s
glory and our good. And our willingness as husbands and wives to embrace and
place ourselves within those roles have a profound impact on the depth and
intimacy we have with Christ…
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