This week we have been looking at a section of a letter
that has been recorded for us in the New Testament of the Bible, where the
Apostle Paul revealed a foundational and timeless principle that impacts our
relationships. And that timeless principle is that our relationships are influenced
by what influences us. The timeless reality is that the level of health in our relationships
is directly impacted by what influences or controls us.
Relationships do
not occur in a vacuum; in every relationship there are external and internal
forces at work in your life that influence the health of the relationships in
your life. And here we see the Apostle Paul reveal for us the reality that to
have the relationships that God desires and designed for us, especially when it
comes to family relationships, require that we live a life that is influenced
and controlled by the Spirit of God.
Now as you read that last statement, a natural pushback
that some of you may be feeling may be “well Dave, are you saying that only
Christians can have healthy relationships? Because I know many Christians that
have messed up family relationships and I know many people who are not
Christians that have good relationships.”
And I would respond by saying you are exactly right.
There are followers of Jesus whose family and other relationships are marked by
unhealthy tension and conflict. And there are those who reject the claims of
Christ and the message of the gospel that have what would be described as good
relationships. My response to this reality is this; we can have good
relationships and still not experience that relationship as God desires and
designs it to be. And in many cases, there are relationships that are
influenced by good things, yet those relationships are not influenced by God
things. And this reality reinforces the timeless principle that our
relationships are influenced by what influences us.
Now a second question that arises here is “what does a
relationship that is influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit look like?
And how do I know if my relationships are influenced and controlled by the Holy
Spirit?” That is a great question. And regardless of whether you are a follower
of Jesus or not, a person can look at their relationships and the relationships
of those around them and begin to recognize what influences and controls those
relationships. And in the verses that follow, we see Paul begin to unpack four
specific evidences that appear in relationships that are controlled and
influenced by the Holy Spirit. So let’s begin to look at them together,
beginning in Ephesians 5:19:
speaking to
one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody
with your heart to the Lord;
In verse 19, we see Paul identify the first two evidences
of a life that is controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit. First, we see
that the relationships of a person who is controlled and influenced by the Holy
Spirit will be marked by conversations that are engaged in the encouraging of
others and that bring glory to God.
The phrase “psalms and hymns and spiritual songs” here
reveals for us the reality that during the days of the early church, followers
of Jesus would not only sing songs, but would also recite creeds that informed
and reinforced basic truths about God. In addition, early church services would
have included the reading of a letter, like this letter that would have been
written by an early church leader to encourage and teach the church. And in the
same way today, relationships that are controlled and influenced by the Holy
Spirit will be marked with conversations that encourage others and shine a
light on God.
So, what influences the conversations that occur in your
relationships? Because our relationships, especially our family relationships
are influenced by what influences our conversations.
Second, we see that the relationships of a person who is controlled
and influenced by the Holy Spirit will be marked by a life that is lived with
an attitude of worship of God. The phrase “singing songs and making melody with
your heart to the Lord” can refer to singing or playing a musical instrument.
The word heart is used to describe the center and source of a person’s being.
Paul’s point here is that a person who is controlled and
influenced by the Holy Spirit will, from the core of their being, live a life
that is a response of worship to God that values God supremely. Their life will
be a response of worship that controls and influences how they approach their relationships.
Think of it this way: when a person is influenced by the
Holy Spirit in this way, how easy do you think it would to be manipulative; to
be codependent; to be passive aggressive or passive resistant? Do you think it
would be possible to have family relationships that used one another if we
lived a life that leaned into loving God with our total being and loving our
neighbor as ourselves?
So what do you worship? What do you value supremely? Because
our relationships, especially our family relationships are influenced by what
influences our worship. Paul then reveals a third evidence that reveals the
influence and control of the Holy Spirit in our relationships in verse 20:
always giving
thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the
Father;
When Paul uses the phrase always giving thanks in all
things, this phrase conveys the sense of expressing our appreciation for the
benefits and blessings that one has received from God. When Paul states that we
are to express our appreciation in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, he
is reminding followers of Jesus throughout history that the blessings of
receiving the forgiveness of our selfishness and sin and the relationship with
God that we were created for are the result of Jesus life, death, and
resurrection.
And it is here that we see Paul reveal the reality that
relationships that are controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit are marked
by an attitude of gratitude. As a result of Jesus willingness to enter into
humanity and allow Himself to be treated as though He lived our selfish and
sinful life so God the Father could treat us as though we lived Jesus perfect
life, we are to respond with an attitude of gratitude that influences our
relationships.
You see, all of humanity was created for relationships;
we were all created for a relationship with God and for relationships with one
another. And God desires that all humanity experience relationships as He
designed them. Yet, so often we can often find ourselves expressing an attitude
for gratitude for His material and physical blessings that He has given us, but
not expressing that same attitude of gratitude for the relational blessings He
has given us. And relationships that are controlled and influenced by the Holy
Spirit are marked by an attitude of gratitude.
So, are you thankful for your family relationships? And
just as importantly are you consistently expressing thankfulness to God for
your family relationships? Because our relationships, especially our family
relationships are influenced by our attitude toward those relationships.
Now here is the thing: this is one of those principles
that is so easy to see in someone else’s life, but so difficult to see in the
mirror. And maybe you are thinking “so Dave, let me get this straight. Because
I am a follower of Jesus, my relationships, including my family relationships
should be marked be conversations that encourage one another and bring glory to
God. You say that my relationships should be marked by an attitude of worship
toward God that values God supremely. And you say that my relationships should
be marked with an attitude of gratitude toward those relationships. Dave, have
you seen my family? You don’t understand my parents; you don’t understand my
wife; you don’t understand my husband.” Do you know what you are asking is almost impossible”?
Well, if you think what Paul is commanding seems to be
impossible, just look at what Paul says next, in Ephesians 5:21:
and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
And right about now, every person in this room has a
mental picture of what the first three words of this verse means. In your minds
the words “and be subject” have conjured up an image: an image painted by a red-faced
pastor beating on a pulpit; an image painted by an abusive husband or father;
an image painted by our culture that is based on what these three words mean
today.
However, what these words mean today is irrelevant and
the image in your mind may not be accurate. So what I am going to ask you to do
is to clear your mind of that image and let’s look at what Paul meant when he
wrote these three words. Can we do that? Great.
The phrase “be subject”, in the language that this letter
was originally written in, literally means to place oneself in a submissive
role in a relationship where appropriate respect is shown to someone based on
the role that they have within an ordered structure. In other words, to be
subject is to willingly place ourselves under others by placing others first
based on one’s role in the relationship.
For example, the catcher for the Arizona Diamondbacks
places himself under the manager of the Diamondbacks. Because the manager has
been given the role of leading the team, for the team to be successful, the
catcher is to demonstrate the appropriate respect for the manager and place
himself under his leadership. The manager has a role and responsibility and the
catcher has a role and responsibility as part of the team. Conflict within the
team can occur when either the player or the manager do not function within
their roles on the team.
Now notice who Paul says we are to be subject to: we are
to be subject to one another. In other words, we are to place ourselves under
others by placing others first that demonstrates respect toward one another
based on the nature of our relationship. Paul then explains that the reason why
we are to place ourselves under others by placing others first that
demonstrates respect toward one another is out of the fear of Christ.
Now when Paul uses the word fear here, he is not
referring to the fear that we experience while watching a horror movie. This
fear refers to having a reverent respect that results in submission and
obedience to someone. You see, when we willingly place ourselves under others
by placing others first when it comes to our relationships, we are
demonstrating a reverent respect for God’s desire and design for our
relationships. God has a design for relationships. God has designed specific
roles within relationships and God has designed specific goals that those
relationships are to accomplish.
And that is why this timeless principle that we are
looking at is so important. Because our relationships are influenced by what
influences us, for us to experience relationships as God designed them to be
experienced requires that we be influenced by God’s Spirit. You see, the reason
that the phrase be subject can cause such resistance and pushback is because,
for many of us, we have either experienced this principle abused in past
relationships or we selfishly do not want to place ourselves under others by
placing others first.
Apart from Jesus work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s
activity in our lives, our hearts do not naturally lean in this direction, do
they? Is it our natural tendency to wake up every morning focused on having
relationships marked by conversations that encourage one another and bring
glory to God? Is it our natural tendency to wake up every morning focused on
having relationships marked with an attitude of gratitude toward those
relationships? Is it our natural tendency to wake up every morning focused on
having relationships where we place ourselves under others by placing others
first?
You see it is only through the influence and control of
the Holy Spirit that we can experience the relationships that we were created
for. Because our relationships are influenced by what influences us. And that
is especially the case when it comes to family relationships. Because it is in
our family relationships where what is truly inside us is most often revealed
and exposed, isn’t it?
So, here is a question to
consider: what influences your relationships? Who are the people and what
information and ideas are informing and influencing how you view your
relationships?
Because our relationships are
influenced by what influences us…
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