At the church where I serve, we just came to the
conclusion of a sermon series entitled Love and Marriage. During this series,
we spent our time together asking and answering four questions. We launched
into this series by asking the question “What is marriage?” and discovered that
marriage is a covenant commitment between one man and one woman for one
lifetime that is to be marked by vulnerability, transparency, and intimacy.
We talked
about the reality that God created the institution of marriage and has a divine
design for marriage. And that divine design for marriage is that a man and
woman cut the cord, so to speak, from their parents and join together in a
covenant commitment that involves one man and one woman for one lifetime and
become one flesh. Marriage, according
to God’s design, is not simply about love, or sex, or a legal piece of paper.
Instead marriage, according to God’s design, is about bringing
the distinctiveness of a man and a woman together to complement one another by
uniting them together in a covenant commitment for their lifetime.
We then asked the question “Does marriage matter to
Jesus?” and discovered that marriage matters to Jesus because
what God has united must not be divided. When asked a question about divorce, Jesus
reinforced and doubled down on God's desire and design for marriage because,
from Jesus perspective, what God has united must not be divided. Then last
week, we asked the question "Why does marriage matter so much to Jesus? What is marriage for?” and discovered that the purpose of
marriage is to paint a picture for the world of the eternal love and commitment
that Jesus has for His followers.
We talked
about the reality that marriage matters to Jesus because marriage is designed to paint a picture for the world of the eternal love and
commitment that Jesus has for His followers. That is why God hates divorce. God doesn’t hate divorce because divorce
breaks one of His rules. God hates divorce because divorce mars and
misrepresents the eternal covenant relationship that Jesus has with His
followers that is supposed to be portrayed to the world through marriage.
You see, God hates divorce because divorce mars the
opportunity for people to experience a glimpse of the intimacy that we will
experience for all eternity with Jesus in a healthy marriage. And when our
marriages are marked by confusion and conflict, we end up portraying a flawed
picture of the relationship that we were designed to have with God for all
eternity. We ended our time together by recognizing that a natural question
that could arise here is “Well Dave,
that sounds great, but how can I have a marriage that looks like that? How am I
supposed to deal with the confusion and conflict that I often experience in my
marriage?”
So, this week, I would like for us to spend our time
together addressing the that very question. And to answer that question, I
would like for us to spend our time together looking at another section of a
letter that is preserved and recorded for us in the New Testament of the Bible
called the book of Ephesians. And it is in this section of this letter that we
will discover the timeless answer to the question “How
are we to handle conflict in marriage?” So, let’s discover the answer to that question together,
beginning in Ephesians 4:25:
Therefore, laying aside
falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you
WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for
we are members of one another.
Paul begins this section of his letter to the members of
the church at Ephesus with a command: "Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK
TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR. When Paul uses the phrase
laying aside, this phrase literally means to rid oneself of something. And what
Paul was commanding the members of the church of Ephesus to rid themselves of
was falsehood. Instead of living a life of falsehood, or lies, Paul commanded
the members of the church of Ephesus to speak truth each one to his neighbor.
Now when
Paul uses the phrase each one with his neighbor, he is specifically referring
to fellow followers of Jesus at the church of Ephesus. Paul then provides the
reason why they were to live lives of truth telling by explaining that we are
members of one body. Paul's point here is that the members of the church at Ephesus were connected in
community with one another as a result of being a part of the body of Christ.
And to back this claim, Paul quotes from a section of a
letter that is recorded for us in the Old Testament of our Bibles called the
book of Zechariah. In Zechariah 8:16, the prophet Zechariah proclaimed that
there would be a day when the Jewish people would be rescued and redeemed by
God. And as a result of God's promised activity in their lives, the Jewish
people were to no longer live their lives with lying and falsehood. Instead, as
a redeemed community of people that were living together in community, their
lives were to be marked by truth.
And in the same way in our marriages, which are to be a
word picture to the world of the love that Jesus has for His followers, we are
to lay aside a lifestyle of falsehood in order to live a life that is marked by
truth in our marriages. So here is a question to consider: Is your marriage
relationship marked by falsehood? Are you experiencing conflict in your
marriage as a result of your deception? Lying? Or are you striving to have a
marriage relationship that is marked by truthfulness? Paul then provides a
second command to the members of the church at Ephesus in verse 26-27:
BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27
and do not give the devil an opportunity.
Now a natural question that arises here is "what
does Paul mean when he says be angry and yet do not sin? I mean can you be
angry and not sin?" The answer to that second question is yes, you can be
angry and not sin. And if you are here this morning and want to push back
against that statement, I would simply direct your attention to the life of
Jesus. You see, Jesus never sinned, yet He went into the temple and turned over
the tables of the moneychangers not once but twice.
You see, far too often as followers of Jesus, we tend to
not get angry at things that should make us angry while at the same time get
angry at things that should not make us angry. I mean we can blow a head gasket
over them messing up our order in a restaurant while not being the least bit upset
when multitudes of people suffer through a famine. When Paul commands the
members of the church at Ephesus to be angry and yet do not sin, he is
commanding them to make sure that they respond in anger to the right things.
Paul is commanding the members of the church at Ephesus to respond in anger to
the right things and to respond in anger to the right things in the right way.
And to back his point, the Apostle Paul quotes from a
section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Old Testament of our Bibles
called the book of Psalms. In Psalm 4:4, King David expresses his anger at
those who were mistreating him. However, instead of responding in a sinful
manner, King David, worships the Lord for the gladness and peace that the Lord
had placed in his heart as he responded to his anger without sinning.
And in the same way today, in our marriages, which are to
be a word picture to the world of the love that Jesus has for His followers, we
are to respond in anger to the right things and respond in anger to the right
things in the right way. In addition, Paul commanded the members of the church
at Ephesus to do not let the sun go down on your anger. To understand what Paul
is communicating here, we first need to understand what he is not
communicating. Paul here is not commanding followers of Jesus to have all
conflict resolved before the sun sets. Paul is not commanding followers of
Jesus to stay awake until a conflict is fully resolved.
This phrase was an idiom in the culture of the first
century that was used to encourage people to accomplish things in a timely
manner. Since there was not electricity in the first century, there were tasks
that needed to be done in a timely manner, before the sun set. Paul's point to the members of the church at
Ephesus was that they were to make sure to deal with their anger in a timely
manner. In verse 27, Paul explains that the reason why they were to make sure
to deal with their anger in a timely manner was to not give the devil an
opportunity.
Now this phrase in the language we use in our culture
today, literally means do not give the devil a chance to exert his influence.
Have you been there? Have you been in that place where you go to bed angry? And
as you are sleeping it's like "I am so mad at him, he is such a
jerk". And the devil is like "he is a jerk, you should cheat on
him".
Paul is revealing for us the reality that when we do not
deal with our anger in a timely manner, we give the devil an opportunity to
exert his influence to tempt us to respond to our anger in a way that wrongs
God and others. And as followers of Jesus, we are to deal with their anger in a
timely manner that does not let anger fester and that does not give the devil
and chance to exert his influence as a result of our festering anger. While we
may not be able to resolve the conflict fully, we are to deal with the anger
that the conflict has produced in us in a timely manner.
So here is a question to consider: In your marriage, do
you get angry over the right things? Do you respond in anger to the right
things in the right way? Do you respond to anger and conflict in a timely
manner?
Tomorrow,
we will see Paul provide some additional commands that reveal for us additional
principles when it comes to handling conflict in marriage…
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