Does God's Design For Marriage Relationships Matter?

This week, we have been looking at a section of a letter in the New Testament of the Bible called the book of Ephesians. Wednesday, we saw the Apostle Paul reveal for us the timeless truth that embracing our identity as a follower of Jesus in marriage will lead husbands to willingly embrace our leadership responsibilities.

 Just as it was for the members of the church at Ephesus, just as it has been for followers of Jesus throughout history, our identity as a follower of Jesus in marriage leads husbands to willingly embrace our leadership responsibilities.  

We saw Paul reveal for us the reality that Jesus never asks us to do something He has not already done. Jesus died on the cross for your selfish rebellion and sin. And He was fully aware of your rebellion when He selflessly and sacrificially loved you to the cross. And He expects husbands to reflect that selfless and sacrificial love to your wife.

However, all men throughout history have a tendency to be either cowards or chauvinists. That is why, as we talked about three weeks ago, our identity as a follower of Jesus requires that we live lives that are controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit. In order to live a life that reveals and reflects our identity as a follower of Jesus, we must live lives that are controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit, because the timeless reality is that we are influenced by what influences us. It is the Holy Spirit that empowers us to live in light of our identity as a follower of Jesus.

Now, whether you are married or single; whether you are a man or a woman; and you may be wondering “why does God’s design for marriage even matter? What is the big deal?

I mean, why is it so important that embracing our identity as a follower of Jesus in marriage will lead husbands to willingly embrace our leadership responsibilities? Why is it so important that embracing our identity as a follower of Jesus in marriage will lead wives to willingly embrace and place themselves under a husband’s godly leadership? Sure maybe my marriage does not function like the Bible teaches, but things are o.k.”

If those are some of the thoughts that are running through your mind, I just want to let you know that those are fair questions to be asking.  We see Paul answer these questions by pointing to a second parallel that is revealed by God’s design and purpose for marriage, beginning in Ephesians 5:31:

FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.

Here Paul is quoting Genesis 2:24, which describes the marriage relationship and the intimacy that the one flesh marriage relationship should experience. As we talked about last week, Adam and Eve were able to be totally transparent and vulnerable with one another. They were united in a one flesh relationship physically, spiritually, and emotionally as a result of their love for God and one another that viewed one another with equal value and worth.

Yet while Adam and Eve had equal value and worth in God’s creation, they had different roles and responsibilities to fulfill. Adam was to exercise the role and responsibility as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting Eve. And Eve was to lovingly coming under and following Adam’s leadership in a way that allows for her spiritual growth and good. But notice what Paul states next in verse 32:

This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Now when Paul uses the word mystery here, this word refers to is a timeless truth about God and His Divine Plan that was once hidden, but now has been made known through Christ. This once hidden timeless truth about God, according to Paul is of utmost importance. He then proclaims exactly what this great mystery that has now been made known is: but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

You see, here’s the thing: the reason why the health of you marriage is so important in God’s eyes; the reason why God has a divine design for the roles that men and women are to have within a marriage relationship; is that marriage has been divinely designed by God to be a picture on earth of the intimacy that we will have for all eternity with Jesus. Marriage was designed by God to be a word picture to the world of the vulnerability, the transparency, and the intimacy that followers of Jesus will experience for all eternity with Him.

So when we choose to reject, to rebel, to pushback against God’s design when it comes to the roles and responsibilities that men and women have in marriage, we end up portraying a false picture of the relationship that we were designed to have with God for all eternity. That is why God hates divorce.

God hates divorce because divorce mars and misrepresents the eternal covenant relationship that Jesus has with His followers. The covenant relationship that Jesus selflessly and sacrificially died for; the same selfless and sacrificial love that Paul commands husbands to love their wives with.  You see, God desires that our marriages experience a glimpse of the intimacy that we will experience for all eternity with Jesus.

But to experience that intimacy requires following God design when it comes to the roles and responsibilities we have as men and women in marriage, which is why Paul concludes this section of this letter the way he does in Ephesians 5:33:

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

In other words, what is important and what is the point of the past two weeks is that husbands and wives faithfully live out their day to day lives in light of their identity as a follower of Jesus. Husbands are to embrace their our identity as a follower of Jesus in marriage in a way that will lead them to willingly embrace our leadership responsibilities. Wives are to embrace their identity as a follower of Jesus in marriage in a way that will lead wives to willingly embrace and place themselves under a husband’s godly leadership.

Now here is the question this morning: Who has the harder role and responsibility when it comes to marriage, the husband or the wife? The answer is both. I don’t know about you, but I find these two weeks to be incredibly challenging. It is hard for a wife to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And it is hard for a husband to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting his wife as Christ loved the church.

That is why it is so important that our relationships be controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit’s power, because our relationships are influenced by what influences us. And, as we have seen, the embracing of our identity as a follower of Jesus in marriage has profound implications for our relationship with God.

Because the timeless reality is that embracing our identity as a follower of Jesus in marriage will lead wives to willingly embrace and place themselves under a husband’s godly leadership. And embracing our identity as a follower of Jesus in marriage will lead husbands to willingly embrace our leadership responsibilities.