Our culture's confusion over what the Bible has to say about marriage...

At the church where I serve, we have been spending our time together looking at a letter that is recorded for us in the New Testament of our Bibles called the book of Ephesians. This week, I would like for us to pick up where we left off last week. And as we jump back into the next section of this letter that the Apostle Paul wrote to early followers of Jesus at the church at Ephesus, we will see the Apostle Paul begin to unpack how a life that is controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit lives out their identity as a follower of Jesus in their horizontal relationships here on earth.

Fr the next two weeks, we are going to focus on how our identity as a follower of Jesus should impact a marriage relationship. This week, we will focus like a laser beam on how a woman's unique identity as a follower of Jesus impacts her role and responsibility within a marriage relationship. And while the spotlight will be on the ladies this week, guys, next week we will spend our entire time focused on how a man's unique identity as a follower of Jesus impacts his role and responsibility within a marriage relationship.

Now as we focus on the ladies, I imagine that for many a natural pushback and resistance will occur because, for many of us, we have experienced this passage either misrepresented or misused in the past.  So let’s look at this passage together, beginning in Ephesians 5:22-23:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

Now, for many of us here this morning, as soon as you heard this verse, a mental image popped in your mind. And as those images popped in our minds, you can feel the tension rise in a room, can’t you? The tension that arises from this verse comes from the phrase “be subject”. As we discovered last week, the phrase “be subject”, in the language that this letter was originally written in, means to willingly place ourselves under others by placing others first based on one’s role in the relationship.

Yet here, just one verse later, Paul is commanding that wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And Paul seems to add to the tension when he states that wives are to be subject as to the Lord. In other words women are to willingly place themselves under their husband’s leadership in the same manner that they are to place themselves under the leadership of Jesus.

Now some of you ladies are thinking, “Well Paul would not have written that if he knew my husband”. Or you may be thinking to yourself right now “well Dave, my husband is nothing like Jesus”. Ladies, we will deal with your husband’s next week. You just have to trust me on this one.

Now, I believe that the tension that we tend to feel fill a room when we discuss what the Bible has to say about the relationship between men and women within a marriage, especially when it comes to these verses, often flows from two specific areas of confusion. The first area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about the idea of leadership or authority within a marriage relationship is due to how our culture attempts to portray God’s design when it comes to a women’s role in a marriage.

Mary Kassian has done an outstanding job of summarizing the five most prevalent stereotypes that are portrayed about what our culture believes the Bible says about a women’s role in a marriage relationship.

The first stereotype would be who we will call Dora the Doormat. Dora wears a please step on me sign around her neck and is a passive opinion-less servant who is unable and unwilling to do anything other than what she is told. She has absolutely no goals in life except to serve her husband and have him dominate her. Dora’s sister, co-dependent Clara, goes so far as to say that those who believe in the Biblical model of marriage relationships endorse abuse.

Then there is Dipstick Danielle. Dipstick Danielle does not have a brain, as she threw all rational thought aside when she embraced what the Bible says about marriage relationships. Danielle is close friends with Bobblehead Betty, who also does not have any thoughts of her own but simply nods “yes” to everything her husband says.

Then there is kitchen trapped Kathy. Kitchen trapped Kathy lives in the kitchen, except when she goes to the laundry room. Her existence and purpose is defined by her ability to handle the household chores. Her life-long aspiration is to have one of her recipes make it into the next edition of the Betty Crocker cookbook. Her friends Dipstick Diana and Bobblehead Betty are eager to connect and share tips on cleaning techniques and the latest shopping strategies.

Then there is Baby popping Bertha. Bertha aims to have 26 kids. As a matter of fact popping out kids is the only goal and purpose to Bertha’s existence. The more kids she has, the more spiritual she is, so the more the better! Bertha does not use contraceptives or family planning, just have as many kids as you can as fast as you can. Bertha is best friends with Megan the marriage monger. Megan’s only goal in life is to be married. She’s pushing 50 and has done absolutely nothing in her life except complain about being single and is waiting for “Mr. Right” to come along.

Finally, there is repressed Rita. Rita has gifts and nowhere to use them, because her repressive and narrow-minded church will not let her preach on Sunday mornings. She is forever destined to sit in the back pew and do nothing. Silent. Frustrated. Repressed. She’s not into teaching Sunday school, facilitating a women’s community group, or mentoring and discipling women, or even serving the pressing and profound needs of the community, because she wants to do something really important- not something as menial as ministering to other women and children.

This first area of confusion that surrounds the stereotypes of women is compounded by a second area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about leadership and authority within a marriage relationship, which is the tendency in our culture to confuse value and roles. You see, while the culture equates a person’s value and worth to their role, or what they do, the message and teachings of Jesus equates a person’s value and worth to who they are.

 For example, let’s look at the relationship between members of the Trinity. All three members of the Trinity possess the same nature. God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are all equally divine in terms of their nature. Yet while every member of the trinity has the same nature, essence, and value, they have different roles, responsibilities, and authority.

 

God the Father is the first among equals; God the Father exercises the leadership and authority role in the relationship amongst the Trinity. Jesus and the Holy Spirit, while equal in value and worth to God the Father, fall under and follow His leadership. We see Jesus do this throughout the gospels. And we see Paul talk about this reality throughout his letters that he wrote to various churches.

Another example is the twelve disciples. While there were twelve disciples, and all twelve were equal in their value and worth as disciples, Peter was the first amongst equals. Peter was the leader that the rest of the disciples followed in terms of leadership and authority. We see this throughout the book of Acts.

This same principle also applies to God’s design for relationships in humanity when it comes to men and women within marriage.

Tomorrow, we will unpack this principle….