Why Does God's Design for Marriage Matter?

This week, we are focusing on the role and responsibility that men are to fulfill in a marriage relationship. Yesterday, we discovered the timeless reality that Paul reveals for us is that our willingness to embrace our leadership responsibilities reflects our willingness to follow Jesus example.

However, as a result of our first parent’s sin, men tend to abdicate their leadership responsibilities and instead function in one of two extremes. Apart from Jesus work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s activity in our lives, men have a natural bent to act as either a coward or a chauvinist when it comes to their relationship with women. You see, all men throughout history have a tendency to be either cowards or chauvinists. That is why, as we talked about at the very beginning of this series, for us to experience relationships as God designed them to be experienced requires that we be influenced by God’s Spirit. God has designed specific roles within relationships and God has designed specific goals that those relationships are to accomplish. And for us to accomplish those goals, we need to live a life that is influenced and controlled by God’s spirit.

Now whether you are married or single; whether you are a man or a woman; and you may be wondering “why does God’s design for marriage even matter? What is the big deal? I mean, why is it so important that husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church? Why is it so important that wives willingly place themselves under their husband’s leadership? Sure maybe my marriage does not function like the Bible teaches, but things are o.k.” If those are some of the thoughts that are running through your mind, I just want to let you know that those are fair questions to be asking. We see Paul answer these questions by pointing to a second parallel that is revealed by God’s design and purpose for marriage, beginning in Ephesians 5:31:

FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.

Here Paul is quoting Genesis 2:24, which describes the marriage relationship and the intimacy that the one flesh marriage relationship should experience. As we talked about last week, Adam and Eve were able to be totally transparent and vulnerable with one another. They were united in a one flesh relationship physically, spiritually, and emotionally as a result of their love for God and one another that viewed one another with equal value and worth. Yet while Adam and Eve had equal value and worth in God’s creation, they had different roles and responsibilities to fulfill. Adam was to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting Eve. And Eve was to lovingly coming under and following Adam’s leadership in a way that allows for her spiritual growth and good. But notice what Paul states next in verse 32:

This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Now when Paul uses the word mystery here, this word refers to is a timeless truth about God and His Divine Plan that was once hidden, but now has been made known through Christ. This once hidden timeless truth about God, according to Paul is of utmost importance. He then proclaims exactly what this great mystery that has now been made known is: but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. You see, here’s the thing: the reason why the health of you marriage is so important in God’s eyes; the reason why God has a divine design for the roles that men and women are to have within a marriage relationship; is that marriage has been divinely designed by God to be a picture on earth of the intimacy that we will have for all eternity with Christ. Marriage was designed by God to be a word picture to the world of the vulnerability, the transparency, and the intimacy that followers of Jesus will experience for all eternity with Him.

So when we choose to reject, to rebel, to pushback against God’s design when it comes to the roles and responsibilities that men and women have in marriage, we end up portraying a false picture of the relationship that we were designed to have with God for all eternity. And when our marriages are marked by confusion and conflict when it comes to the roles and responsibilities that men and women have in marriage, we end up portraying a flawed picture of the relationship that we were designed to have with God for all eternity.

That is why the Bible states that God hates divorce. God hates divorce because divorce mars and misrepresents the eternal covenant relationship that Jesus has with His followers. The covenant relationship that Jesus selflessly and sacrificially died for; the same selfless and sacrificial love that Paul commands husbands to love their wives with. You see, God desires that our marriages experience a glimpse of the intimacy that we will experience for all eternity with Jesus. But to experience that intimacy requires following God design when it comes to the roles and responsibilities we have as men and women in marriage, which is why Paul concludes this section of this letter the way he does in Ephesians 5:33:

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

In other words, what is important and what is the point of the past two weeks is that husbands and wives faithfully fulfill their roles and responsibilities within marriage as God divinely designed. Husbands are to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting their wives as Christ lovingly leads the church. Wives are to fulfill their role in marriage relationships by lovingly coming under and following godly male leadership in a way that allows for their spiritual growth and good in their relationship with Christ and to exercise the gifts that God has given them.

Now here is the question: Who has the harder role and responsibility when it comes to marriage, the husband or the wife? I believe that the answer is both. I don’t know about you, but I find these two weeks to be incredibly challenging. It is hard for a wife to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And it is hard for a husband to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting his wife as Christ loved the church.

That is why it is so important that our relationships be controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit’s power, because our relationships are influenced by what influences us. And as we have seen, the embracing of our roles within marriage has profound implications for our relationship with God. Because the timeless reality is that a wife’s willingness to embrace and place themselves under a husband’s godly leadership reflects a wife’s willingness to follow Jesus leadership. And a husband’s willingness to embrace their leadership responsibilities reflects a husband’s willingness to follow Jesus example.


So do you think God's design for marriage matters? Why or why not?