The common theme and thread is that much of the conflict that families experience between parents and children is the result of either confusion or rebellion when it comes to roles and responsibilities. In some cases conflict occurs as a result of either a parent or child attempting to fill a role that they were not designed to fill. In other cases, conflict occurs as a result of either a parent or child rebelling against the role and responsibilities that they have within a family.
You have to look no further than popular culture to see this play out. In the last several years, we have seen several very public cases where celebrity’s lives have run off the rails while their parents attempt to be their child’s B.F.F. and Facebook buddy, happily club-hopping and dancing on tables with their children in an attempt to relive their childhood. And we have also seen increasing instances in our culture where children are in essence parenting their younger brothers, sisters, and even parents as a result of parents who are ill equipped, unprepared, and unwilling to be parents. In other instances, we see the devastating effects of selfish rebellion and sin wreak havoc on families as both parents and children go to war with one another. And whether it is out of confusion or rebellion, at the end of the day both parents and children are left dazed, disillusioned and confused by the conflict that rages within the family.
As we look at another section of a letter that the Apostle Paul wrote to the church of Ephesus we discover God’s Divine design for the roles and goals of parents and children within family relationships. In Ephesians 6:1-4, we see two timeless and powerful principles, one for children and one for parents, that have incredible influence as to whether or not we experience the family relationships that God created and designed us to experience. Today, let's look at God's design for the role and responsibility of children in a family relationship, beginning in Ephesians 6:1:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.Paul begins this section of his letter to the church at Ephesus by addressing the roles and responsibilities that children have when it comes to God’s design for family relationships. Paul commands children to obey your parents in the Lord. Now when Paul uses the word obey here, this word, in the language that this letter was originally written in, not means to follow instructions. In addition, this word conveys the sense of being subject to one who has a position of leadership and authority.
Paul’s point here is that children are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their parents in a way that follow their leadership. Children are to obey their parent in the Lord. In other words, children are to willingly place themselves under their parent’s leadership in the same manner that they are to place themselves under the leadership of Jesus.
Now a natural question that has arisen in the hearts and minds of children throughout history when it comes to obeying our parent’s instructions can be summarized in a simple three letter word: “why”? The Apostle Paul, anticipating this question, provides the answer for us by stating for this is right. This phrase reveals the reality that just like the other relationships within a family that we have looked at in this series children have certain obligations and responsibilities that God desires to be met when it comes to the family. God has a design for family relationships and part of His design is that children willing place themselves under their parent’s leadership and authority.
Paul then reinforces why it is right for children to willingly place themselves sunder their parents leadership by pointing back to one of God’s commands to the Jewish people which is recorded for us in another letter in our Bible called the book of Exodus. In Exodus 20:12, as part of the Ten Commandments, we see God command the Jewish people to honor their father and mother. Now when the Bible talks about honoring someone, it is the idea of showing a high regard or respect for someone. Paul quotes this commandment to reveal for us the reality that when children willingly place themselves under their parent’s leadership and authority we are fulfilling this commandment by showing them the regard and respect that they deserve as parents.
The apostle then explains that this is the first of the Ten Commandments that is accompanied by a promise. In other words, our positive response of following this commandment results in a promise fulfilled by God. The promise that God attaches to this command is twofold and is revealed for us in verse 3. First, God promises children that they are to live their lives in a way that shows regard and respect for their parents by willingly placing themselves under their leadership so that it may be well with you.
And children, we know this to be true don’t we? When we respect our parents and follow their instructions, things tend to go much smoother at home don’t they? There is less fighting, there is less yelling, and there is less nagging. Children and students, if you are not sure that this is the case, I have an experiment for you to do this week to test God’s promise; whenever your parents ask you to do something, just say o.k. and do it the first time. See what happens. See whether or not it will be well with you.
Second, God promises children that they are to show regard and respect for their parents by willingly placing themselves under their leadership that you may live long on the earth. Now a natural temptation is to view this statement in a similar way to what I occasionally experienced when I did not show my parents respect or follow their instructions. Occasionally, when I failed to follow the instructions of my parents or show disrespect to them, my father would say “just remember I brought you into this world and I can take you out of this world”. Maybe some of us still hear our parents say something like that to us. And while that statement was true, that is not all that Paul is reminding us of here.
Paul is not simply talking about the quantity or length of our years on earth. Paul is also reminding us of the reality that the quality or how well our years go on earth are connected to how we respond to our parents leadership and authority. You see, it is in this timeless promise that God attaches to this command that we see revealed for us a timeless and powerful principle when it comes to how children respond to their roles and responsibilities within a family. And that timeless principle is this: Children, your willingness to follow the leadership of your parents will influence how you will follow leadership in the future.
Children and students, here’s the thing; no matter how old you become, no matter how smart or strong you become, no matter how much money you make, there will always be someone who is in leadership and authority over you. If you do not think that is the case, just look at the lives and listen to the conversations of the adults who exercise leadership within your family, whether it is your parents, your grandparents, or other relatives. There is always someone in our lives that we are responsible to report to and answer to when it comes to our attitude and actions.
And your willingness to place yourselves under the leadership of your parents will influence and impact your willingness to willingly place yourself under the leadership of others in the future. Your willingness to willingly place yourselves under the leadership and authority of your parents in a way that regards and respects them will influence and impact how you will respond to the leadership and authority of teachers, employers, and other authority figures in the future.
Now, children and students, just like the men last week, and just like the ladies two weeks ago, you may be here this morning and you may be pushing back by thinking “but Dave you don’t know my mom. You don’t know my dad. You do not know how they treat me. Paul would not have written that if he knew my parents”. My response would be yes he would have. Because this has absolutely nothing to do with your parents. And this has everything to do with you.
You see I have some good news and some bad news for you this morning. The good news is that God will not hold you responsible or accountable for how good or bad your parents are. God will deal with your parents on how your parents treat you. The bad news is that God will totally hold you 100% accountable for how you treat your parents. And how you choose to treat your parent’s sets in place patterns that you will follow the rest of your life. Because your willingness to follow the leadership of your parents will influence how you will follow leadership in the future.
So this morning, students, children, how are you doing when it comes to willingly place yourselves under the leadership and authority of your parents? Because children, your willingness to follow the leadership of your parents will influence how you will follow leadership in the future. How you respond to your parents leadership and authority will influence and impact how you will respond to the leadership and authority of teachers, employers, and other authority figures in the future.
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