Cultural Confusion about Worth and Roles...

As we talked about yesterday, nowhere in our culture today is God’s design for relationships more misunderstood, misapplied, or resisted then when it comes to the relationship that men and women are to experience within a marriage. So this week, we will focus like a laser beam on a wife’s role and responsibility within a marriage relationship. In Ephesians 5:22-23, Paul commands that wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And Paul seems to add to the tension when he states that wives are to be subject as to the Lord.

In other words women are to willingly place themselves under their husband’s leadership in the same manner that they are to place themselves under the leadership of Jesus. Now, I believe that the tension that we tend to feel fill a room when we discuss what the Bible has to say about the relationship between men and women within a marriage, especially when it comes to these verses, often flows from two specific areas of confusion. Yesterday, we looked at the first area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about the idea of leadership or authority within a marriage relationship, which is due to how our culture attempts to portray God’s design when it comes to a women’s role in a marriage. We looked at the five most prevalent stereotypes that are portrayed about what our culture believes the Bible says about a women’s role in a marriage relationship.

This first area of confusion that surrounds the stereotypes of women is compounded by a second area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about leadership and authority within a marriage relationship, which is the tendency in our culture to confuse value and roles. While our culture tends to assign value and worth to roles, or what we do, this is not how that Bible evaluates value and worth. For example, let’s look at the relationship between members of the Trinity. All three members of the trinity possess the same nature. God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are all equally divine in terms of their nature.

Yet while every member of the trinity has the same nature, essence, and value, they have different roles, responsibilities, and authority. God the Father is the first among equals; God the Father exercises the leadership and authority role in the relationship amongst the Trinity. Jesus and the Holy Spirit, while equal in value and worth to God the Father, fall under and follow His leadership. We see Jesus do this throughout the gospels. And we see Paul talk about this reality throughout his letters that he wrote to various churches.

Another example is the twelve disciples. While there were twelve disciples, and all twelve were equal in their value and worth as disciples, Peter was the first amongst equals. Peter was the leader that the rest of the disciples followed in terms of leadership and authority. We see this throughout the book of Acts. This same principle also applies to God’s design for relationships in humanity when it comes to men and women within marriage. We see the mutual value and worth of men and women revealed for us in Genesis 1:27:

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Both men and women were created by God in His relational image and are of equal value and worth in His sight. And because of that reality, men and women are to be treated with equal value, respect and worth by one another. To treat a woman any other way contradicts the crystal clear teaching of God’s word. In Genesis 2 we read that God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. God then gave Adam a job to tend the garden and name the animals and just one command to follow; don’t eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. But, as Adam named all the animals, he did not find a helper suitable for him and we read the first time that God said that something was not good; it is not good for man to be alone. So God caused Adam to fall to sleep and took one of his ribs and formed Eve, the first woman. Ladies that is why we men do not understand you, we don’t understand you because we were asleep. And as God brought Eve into Adam’s presence, we see Adam’s response and God’s design for marriage revealed for us, beginning in Genesis 2:22:

The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Adam and Eve were both naked and not ashamed because they were able to be totally transparent and vulnerable with one another. They were united in their love for God and one another and viewed one another with equal value and worth. Yet while Adam and Eve had equal value and worth in God’s creation, they had different roles and responsibilities to fulfill; Adam was to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting Eve. And Eve was to lovingly coming under and following Adam’s leadership in a way that allows for her spiritual growth and good.

And just like our first parents while men and women have equal value and worth in God’s creation, men and women have different roles and responsibilities to fulfill; men are to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting women in ways that are appropriate to their relationship. Women are to fulfill their role in relationships by lovingly coming under and following godly male leadership in a way that allows for growth in their relationship with Christ and to exercise the gifts that God has given them.

Now a natural and great question that arises here is “well Dave if God really designed marriage relationships to be like this, then why doesn’t my husband do what he is supposed to do? Why doesn’t he lovingly, lead, protect, and provide for me?” Or you may be thinking “Well Dave, if this is the case, if this is God’s design, then why do I want to push back against this so hard?” These are great questions to ask, and here would be my answer: We push back on this so hard just as our first parents pushed back on this truth.

Tomorrow we will look at how our first parents pushed back on this truth and its implications for all of us when it comes to marriage and family relationships. In the meantime, do you find yourself buying into the cultural confusion of value and worth being based on our role or what we do?