Our Relationships are Influenced by What Influences Us...

Yesterday we began engaging the subject of family relationship by looking at a section of a letter that a man named Paul wrote to an early church, called the Book of Ephesians. And it is in this letter that we see Paul explain to this church and to us here today, God’s desire and design for family relationships. God has a desire for how we are to live in our family relationships. And the Bible clearly provides for us God’s desire and design for families and for family relationships. But before revealing God’s desire and design for family relationships, Paul makes a statement that reveals for us a timeless principle about relationships. So let’s look at that statement together, which is found in Ephesians 5:18:

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,

In this verse, we see the Apostle Paul paint for us a timeless word picture that reveals a timeless truth about relationships: “Do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit”. To help us wrap our minds around what Paul is communicating here, let me share a story that vividly illustrates this word picture. My freshman year in college, after a home football game, I gave a teammate a ride back to Indianapolis so that he could visit his family. Now by the time we left campus and made it to Indianapolis, it was already past midnight. My teammate lived in one of the tougher sections of the city. After dropping him off, as I waited at an intersection on my way back to the freeway, I watched as a very large and very drunk man stumbled to my car. As the man approached, I noticed that the front of his pants were soaked with urine. The man then reached my car, leaned across the hood, and proceeded to throw up all over the windshield and front of the car. After throwing up all over my car, the man then mumbled something and finished stumbling across the intersection and down the street.

Now if the Apostle Paul was riding shotgun with my on the trip, he would have called that man’s behavior dissipation. This word means to live a life that is of reckless abandon that is a waste. Instead of living according to God’s design and desire, this man’s reckless abandon resulted in a life that was wasting away toward destruction. Paul then contrasts the life of reckless abandon of a drunken man with someone who is filled with the Spirit. The Spirit here refers to the Holy Spirit. Paul’s point here is that we are to carefully consider our lives when it comes to what controls and influences their lives. Instead of being controlled by something that results in a life marked by reckless abandon and that wastes opportunities to live wisely in relationship with God and others, we are to live a life that is controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit.

And it is in this word picture that we see the Apostle Paul reveal a foundational and timeless principle that impacts our relationships. And that timeless principle is that our relationships are influenced by what influences us. This morning, the timeless reality is that the level of health in our relationships is directly impacted by what influences or controls us. Whether you are a follower of Jesus or whether you are not sure you buy into Jesus and Christianity, your relationships are influenced by what influences you. Relationships do not occur in a vacuum; in every relationship there are external and internal forces at work in your life that influence the health of the relationships in your life. And here we see the Apostle Paul reveal for us the reality that to have the relationships that God desires and designed for us, especially when it comes to family relationships, require that we live a life that is influenced and controlled by the Spirit of God.

Now as you read that last statement, a natural push back that some of you may be feeling may be “well Dave, are you saying that only Christians can have healthy relationships? Because I know many Christians that have messed up family relationships and I know many people who are not Christians that have good relationships.” And I would respond by saying you are exactly right. There are followers of Jesus whose family and other relationships are marked by unhealthy tension and conflict. And there are those who reject the claims of Christ and the message of the gospel that have what would be described as good relationships.

My response to this reality is that we can have good relationships and still not experience that relationship as God desires and designs it to be. And in many cases there are relationships that are influenced by good things, yet those relationships are not influenced by God things. And this reality reinforces the timeless truth that our relationships are influenced by what influences us.

Now a second question that arises here is “what does a relationship that is influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit look like? And how do I know if my relationships are influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit?” That is a great question. And regardless of whether you are a Christian or not, a person can look at their relationships and the relationships of those around them and begin to recognize what influences and controls our relationships. And in the verses that follow, we see Paul begin to unpack four specific evidences that appear in relationships that are influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit. So let’s begin to look at them together, beginning in Ephesians 5:19:

speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;

In verse 19, we see Paul identify the first two evidences of a life that is influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit. First, we see that the relationships of a person who is influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit will be marked by conversations that are engaged in the encouraging of others and bringing glory to God. The phrase “psalms and hymns and spiritual songs” here reveals for us the reality that during the days of the early church, followers of Jesus would not only sing songs, but would also recite creeds that informed and reinforced basic truths about God. In addition, early church services would have included the reading of a letter, like this letter that would have been written by an early church leader to encourage and teach the church.

And in the same way today, relationships that are influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit will be marked with conversations that encourage others and shine a light on God. So this morning, what influences the conversations that occur in your relationships? Because our relationships, especially our family relationships are influenced by what influences our conversations.

Second, we see that the relationships of a person who is influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit will be marked by a life that is lived with an attitude of worship of God. The phrase “singing songs and making melody with your heart to the Lord” can refer to singing or playing a musical instrument. The word heart is used to describe the center and source of a person’s being. Paul’s point here is that a person who is influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit will, from the core of their being, live a life that is a response of worship to God. Their life will be a response of worship that influences and controls how they approach their relationships.

When a person is influenced by the Holy Spirit in this way, how easy do you think it would to be manipulative; to be codependent; to be passive aggressive or passive resistant? Do you think it would be possible to have family relationships that used one another if we lived a life that leaned into loving God with our total being and loving our neighbor as ourselves? So what do you worship? Because our relationships, especially our family relationships are influenced by what influences our worship.

Tomorrow, we will look at two more evidences that appear in a life that is influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit. What are some influences that are active and at work in your relationships?