Now a question that arises here is “what does a relationship that is influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit look like? And how do I know if my relationships are influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit?” In these verses we see Paul unpack four specific evidences that appear in relationships that are influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit. Yesterday, we looked at the first two evidence. Today, we see Paul reveal two additional evidences that reveal the influence and control of the Holy Spirit in our relationships in verse 20:
always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;Here we see that relationships that are influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit are marked by an attitude of gratitude. When Paul uses the phrase always giving thanks in all things, this phrase conveys the sense of expressing our appreciation for the benefits and blessings that we have received from God. When Paul states that we are to express our appreciation in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, he is reminding followers of Jesus throughout history that the blessings of receiving the forgiveness of our selfishness and sin and the relationship with God that we were created for are the result of Jesus life, death, and resurrection. As a result of Jesus willingness to enter into humanity and allow Himself to be treated as though He lived our selfish and sinful life so God the Father could treat us as though we lived Jesus perfect life, we are to respond with an attitude of gratitude that influences our relationships.
You see, all of humanity was created for relationships; we were all created for a relationship with God and for relationships with one another. And God desires that all humanity experience relationships as He designed them. Yet, so often we can often find ourselves expressing an attitude for gratitude for His material and physical blessings that He has given us, but not expressing that same attitude of gratitude for the relational blessings He has given us. And relationships that are influenced and controlled by the Holy Spirit are marked by an attitude of gratitude. So this morning, are you thankful for your family relationships? And just as importantly are you consistently expressing thankfulness to God for your family relationships? Because our relationships, especially our family relationships are influenced by our attitude toward those relationships.
Now at about this point, some of you may have a person in mind who needs to read this. You might be thinking “I should really sent this to him or her”. But here is the thing: this is one of those principles that is so easy to see in someone else’s life, but so difficult to see in the mirror. And the person you are thinking about would probably send this to you.
Or maybe you are here this morning and you are thinking “so Dave, let me get this straight. Because I am a follower of Jesus, my relationships, including my family relationships should be marked be conversations that encourage one another and bring glory to God. You say that my relationships should be marked by an attitude of worship toward God. And you say that my relationships should be marked with an attitude of gratitude toward those relationships. Dave, have you seen my family? You don’t understand my parents; you don’t understand my wife; you don’t understand my husband.” Do you know what you are asking is almost impossible”.
Well, if you think what Paul is commanding seems to be impossible, just look at what Paul says next, in Ephesians 5:21: “Make sure that the other person takes care of all of your needs”. No that is not what it says. “Invest in relationships that provide the best benefit for you”. No, that is not what it says. Make sure that every relationship recognizes and respects you”. No that is not what it says. Here is what it says:
and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.And right about now, every person reading this has a mental picture of what the first three words of this verse means. In your minds the words “and be subject” have conjured up an image: an image painted by a red faced pastor beating on a pulpit; an image painted by an abusive husband or father; an image painted by our culture that is based on what these three words mean today. However, what these words mean today is irrelevant and the image in your mind may not be accurate. So what I am going to ask you to do is to clear your mind of that image and let’s look at what Paul meant when he wrote these three words. Can we do that? Great.
The phrase “be subject”, in the language that this letter was originally written in, literally means to place oneself in a submissive role in a relationship where appropriate respect is shown to someone based on the role that they have within an ordered structure. In other words, we are to willingly place ourselves under others by placing others first based on one’s role in the relationship. For example, the catcher for the Arizona Diamondbacks places himself under the manager of the Diamondbacks. Because the manager has been give the role of leading the team, for the team to be successful, the catcher is demonstrate the appropriate respect for the manager and place himself under his leadership. The manager has a role and responsibility and the catcher has a role and responsibility as part of the team. Conflict within the team can occur when either the player or the manager do not function within their roles on the team.
Now notice who Paul says we are to be subject to: we are to be subject to one another. In other words, we are to place ourselves under others by placing others first that demonstrates respect toward one another based on the nature of our relationship. Paul then explains that the reason why we are to place ourselves under others by placing others first that demonstrates respect toward one another is out of the fear of Christ. Now when Paul uses the word fear here, he is not referring to the fear that we experience while watching a horror movie. This fear refers to having a reverent respect that results in submission and obedience to someone. You see, when we willingly place ourselves under others by placing others first when it comes to our relationships, we are demonstrating a reverent respect for God’s desire and design for our relationships. God has a design for relationships. God has designed specific roles within relationships and God has designed specific goals that those relationships are to accomplish.
And this is why this timeless principle that we are looking at is so important. Because our relationships are influenced by what influences us, for us to experience relationships as God designed them to be experienced requires that we be influenced by God’s Spirit. You see, the reason that the phrase be subject can cause such resistance and push back is because, for many of us, we have either experienced this principle abused in past relationships or we selfishly do not want to place ourselves under others by placing others first.
Apart from Jesus work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s activity in our lives, our hearts do not naturally lean in this direction, do they? Do we wake up every morning focused on having relationships marked by conversations that encourage one another and bring glory to God? Do we wake up every morning focused on having relationships marked with an attitude of gratitude toward those relationships? Do we wake up every morning focused on having relationships where we place ourselves under others by placing others first? You see it is only through the influence and control of the Holy Spirit that we can experience the relationships that we were created for. Because our relationships are influenced by what influences us.
And that is especially the case when it comes to family relationships. Because it is in our family relationships where what is truly inside us is revealed and exposed, isn’t it? Now a natural question that may arise here is “well Dave I hear you talking about God’s design for family relationships, but I am not really sure what God’s design is or how that is supposed to practically play out in my life?” That is a great question. And during this series we are going to answer that question by looking at the various roles that God has designed within families and the goals that God has for those roles. And as we will see in this series, conflict most often occurs within family relationships when we become confused over our roles and our goals.
So what influences your relationships? Who are the people and what information and ideas are informing and influencing how you view your relationships?
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