But what followers of Jesus often do not talk about, or even realize, is that God designed marriage to be a picture that depicts the covenant relationship that God desires with humanity. Marriage is designed to depict God's covenant commitment to the world. So a healthy and happy marriage that is centered and focused on Jesus Christ reveals and reflects Jesus Christ to the world.
But the harsh reality is that many marriages tend to mar that picture, don't they. Even many people who claim to be followers of Jesus do not have marriages that depict Jesus to the world. This problem, however, is not a new problem. And in a letter written to group of people who claimed to be Christians, but who lived their day to day lives in a way that failed to reflect Christ or follow His teachings, a man named Paul revealed for us the timeless truth that Christians act unchristian when we misrepresent marriage.
In 1 Corinthians 7:1-24, we Paul reveal for us five different ways that Christians can act unchristian by misrepresenting marriage. First Paul reveals for us the reality that we can misrepresent marriage when we misuse sex. We see this reality revealed for us in 1 Corinthians 7:1-7:
Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
Paul begins this section of his letter to this by responding to a statement that the church had made to him in a letter that they had sent to him: “it is good for a man not to touch a woman”. Apparently, the members of the church of Corinth believed that it was more spiritually mature to not engage in sexual intercourse. As a result, the married members of the church of Corinth were not engaging in the sexual intercourse that God designed to occur and be enjoyed as part of the marriage relationship.
Paul responds to the Corinthian churches statement by commanding the married members of the church at Corinth to have sex. Paul explains that the reason that he is commanding them to have sex was because of immoralities. Immoralities here refer to unlawful sexual intercourse, in this case being sexual intercourse in addition to marriage, which is adultery. What was occurring in Corinth was that while the married members of the church at Corinth were not having sex with their spouse, they eventually would give into their desire to have sex and end up having sex with a prostitute.
Paul then reinforces his command by commanding the married members of the church to fulfill their duty to one another; the husband must fulfill his duty to his wife and likewise also the wife to her husband. Paul’s point here is that the married members of the church at Corinth, and in marriages today, have obligations and responsibilities that one simply ought to do. And one of those obligations and responsibilities is to enjoy a sexual relationship with your spouse.
But why exactly is sexual activity a responsibility that one ought to do in marriage? The Apostle answers that question by explaining the timeless truth that the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does; and guys usually stop reading there. But the verse continues and states that and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. Paul is explaining the timeless truth that in marriage one gives up the rights of self-centered independence for other-centered interdependence. In a marriage, we are committing to serve our spouses with our bodies for their enjoyment. And this commitment, as Paul points out is a two way street. A marriage that is Christ centered in nature recognizes first and foremost that the goal in sexual intercourse is to serve our spouses with our bodies so that our spouses experience the pleasure that results from sex.
And because of this reality, Paul commands the married members of the church at Corinth to stop depriving one another. Paul states that the only reason they should deprive one another of the right that each one has to enjoy one another through sex is by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourself to prayer. Paul’s point is that on the one hand, you should not prevent your spouse from experiencing the pleasure that comes from sex. And on the other hand, you should not be so focused on having sex that you have no time left over for spending time in worship of God through the reading of Scripture, prayer, and other times of fellowship with God.
Paul then continues by stating that if you are going to agree to not have sex for a period of time, establish that to be a realistic period of time by mutual agreement and then come together to enjoy the blessing that comes from marital sexual intimacy. Paul explains that the reason that married couples are to resume sexual intimacy was so that Satan would not tempt them because of your lack of self control. The point that Paul is making here is that when we deny our spouses the sexual intimacy that occurs through our marriage relationship, we give the enemy an opportunity to entice us into self indulgence through sexual activity outside of God’s design of the marriage relationship. And the members of the church of Corinth were actually placing themselves in a position where they were enticed to cast aside God’s design for sex for their selfish design for sex.
In Paul then states that he makes these statements about abstaining from sex by way of concession, not command. In our culture today, this statement would sound something like this; I am saying these things in an attempt to meet you halfway, instead of simply giving you an authoritative directive to not deprive one another, I am going to allow you to not have sex if the previous three conditions were met.
Paul explains that the reason that he is trying to meet them halfway was due to the reality that he wished that all men were even as I am. Paul then continues by stating however each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that manner. While Paul was a single man who did not have sex or have the desire to be married and have sex, he believed that this was a gift from God, just as marriage is a gift from God.
Paul is explaining that while he wished that the members of the church of Corinth could experience that gift that God had given him, he recognized that God had also given the gift of sexual intimacy that comes from a marriage relationship. Paul was calling the church at Corinth, and us today, to exercise the gift that God had given them, in this case being that sexual intimacy that comes from marriage, just as he was exercising the gift of singleness and sexual abstinence that he received from God.
So do you misrepresent marriage by misusing the gift of sex that God has given us? Do you use sex as a weapon in your marriage? Are you so focused on sex that you do not spend any time with God? Or are you so focused on God that you are depriving your spouse of the pleasure that comes from sexual intimacy?
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