This week we are talking about a timeless truth that is often minimized and
ignored when it comes to love and lasting relationships. Yesterday, we looked
at Proverbs 14:15 and discovered that love and lasting relationships require
preparation. In order to experience love and lasting relationships, we must
prepare ourselves to become the right person.
In order to experience love and lasting relationships, we must prepare
ourselves so that the course, conduct, and consequences of our lives produce
committed and lasting relationships. We discovered that our commitments are
only as good as our preparation to keep those commitments. Wednesday, we answered some common questions to help you prepare for
the future as you strive to become the right person that the person you are
looking for is looking for.
Today, I would like to give some timeless advice to help
you prepare for the future as you strive to become the right person that the
person you are looking for is looking for. Here is piece of advice when
it comes to love and lasting relationships: Deal with your single person problems
before you get married. As we have previously discussed, no one on the planet has marriage problems. Married people
have single people problems and now they are married.
You see, the reason why people have marriage problems is
because marriage only enhances the strengths and weaknesses that you had when
you were single. You will have a problem being honest or being faithful in your
marriage because you had a problem with honesty or faithfulness when you were
single. You will not have marriage problems; you will have single people problems
and now you are married. So deal with your single people problems before you
get married.
In addition, deal with your debt so that you are debt free. The
number one cause of stress in marriage and divorce stems from financial
problems. That is why at the church where I serve, we spend an entire session
in premarital counseling on finances. That is why couples have a budget as part
of their premarital counseling process. And this is another single people
problem.
If you dating a person who has significant debt issues, do not
marry them until they deal with their debt problem. If they say to you, well we
need to get married because you will help me be a better person and get out of
debt, two things are going to happen. A, your credit score will be destroyed,
and B, you will be a babysitter instead of a spouse.
If you tell the person who wants to marry you that you will not
marry them until they deal with their debt problem, one of two things will
happen. Either they will do whatever it takes, even if it means moving back in
with their parents in order to get out of debt because they love you and are
committed to being with you. Or they will blow it off, which reveals a great
deal about their commitment and lack of preparation to make a commitment.
Also, delay the physical aspect of your relationship as long as
possible. Now I am not simply talking about sex. I am talking about any of the
physical aspects of the relationship. Do not allow the physical to cloud the
preparation. Delay the physical to the point that the person would even wonder
if you are interested. Then you can so “Oh yeah, I am interested, but I am
waiting for the right time and the right place.”
In addition, do not live together. Now for some of you, you are
thinking “well of course he is going to say that, he is a pastor. So do not
take my word for it. Instead you can go ahead and Google all of the research,
both secular and religious and see for yourself what the results say, which is
that living together does no result in lasting relationships. In fact, the
research shows that living together does the opposite.
You see, men and women tend to view living together from two
totally different perspectives. While women often view living together a step
toward commitment, men often view living together as an opportunity to try it
out so they can get out of the commitment, if necessary.
And finally, I would like to say something to non-Christians this
morning. Non-Christians, do not date a Christian unless you want to become one.
If you are not a Christian, here is the thing, your boyfriend or girlfriend has
an agenda. And that agenda is that they want you to become a Christian. Here is
how I know that is the case; they are always inviting you to church.
And if you are a non-Christian and your Christian boyfriend and
girlfriend is sleeping with you, you should definitely not date them, because
they are a hypocrite, and you do not like Christians because they are
hypocrites, so you should not be dating him or her.
So what piece of advice is most helpful? Most convicting?
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