Our investment in rebellious relationships will lead us toward rebellious behavior...

This week we have been looking at a strange story that is recorded for us in the first letter in the Bible, called the book of Genesis. Wednesday, we saw that a woman named Tamar was send by her father in law Judah to live with her father as a widow after the death of her husband. Judah promised Tamar that she is engaged to Shelah, then sends her to live with her father until Shelah grew up. 

However, Judah basically lied to Tamar by promising a marriage to Shelah, all the time knowing the he would not give Shelah to Tamar in marriage. You see, Judah was not concerned about Tamar, but believed that Tamar was the problem and did not want the same fate to occur to Shelah. Judah sent Tamar to live with her father so that he would not be responsible to take care of her. Moses explains that after spending years living with her father as a widow, Tamar came to the realization that Judah had lied to her. Shelah was now old enough to be given in marriage, but Judah failed to follow through on his promise that the two would be married.

Tamar’s realization of Judah’s deception, combined with the death of Judah’s wife, led Tamar to come up with her own deceptive plan. Tamar decided that she would deceive Judah by dressing like a prostitute and stationed herself at the gateway of Enaim, which would have been a prominent street corner that Judah would have to pass by. After making all of the necessary planning and preparations, we see Tamar set this trap of deception for Judah which resulted in Judah and Tamar having sex.

And just as she had hoped and planned, Tamar became pregnant. After attending the party, Judah returned home and attempted to send payment to get back his I.D. and credit cards. However, Hirah is unable to find the prostitute and returned home to tell Judah the news. Judah not wanting to be viewed as someone who was taken advantage of and tricked by a prostitute decided to give up on his attempt to get back his possessions. Judah, who was more concerned with his reputation than doing the right thing, then justifies and rationalizes his selfishness and rebellion by saying “hey, at least I tried”.  However, Judah was not prepared for what happens next, as we see in Genesis 38:24:

Now it was about three months later that Judah was informed, "Your daughter-in-law Tamar has played the harlot, and behold, she is also with child by harlotry." Then Judah said, "Bring her out and let her be burned!" It was while she was being brought out that she sent to her father-in-law, saying, "I am with child by the man to whom these things belong." And she said, "Please examine and see, whose signet ring and cords and staff are these?"

Three months later, Judah is informed that Tamar is pregnant. Judah response is immediate and intense: "Bring her out and let her be burned!" In the culture of the day, being burned at the stake was a punishment for illicit sexual intercourse and adultery that painted a word picture that said that just as Tamar burned with passion to have sex outside of marriage, she was to be burned at the stake.

Judah convicts Tamar of having an affair while engaged, even though Judah never intended to let them get married. Judah hypocritically condemns Tamar for the very same behavior that he had unknowingly committed with her. And now, as Tamar faced death, it was time for her to spring the trap.

As Judah, along with a crowd of people from the city gather to watch her public execution for adultery, Tamar asks Judah to examine and investigate the evidence that was in her possession. Tamar asks for the investigation because the evidence would prove who the other guilty party was in the affair and would bring the other guilty party to justice as well.

Now imagine yourself as Judah. Place yourself in his shoes. Your daughter in law, who you lied to, who you believe has committed adultery, you sentence to death. And then your daughter in law hands you your I.D. and credit cards. And you realize that you had sex with your daughter in law. Now you realize that you are the one guilty of having an affair. What would you be thinking? How would you respond? We see Judah’s response in verse 26:

Judah recognized them, and said, "She is more righteous than I, inasmuch as I did not give her to my son Shelah." And he did not have relations with her again.

Judah, exposed for the hypocrite that he was, responds by making a statement of moral relativism; “she is more righteous than I, inasmuch as I did not give her my son Shelah”. In others words, Judah states that while neither one of them were in the right, Tamar was more in the right than he was. You see, from Judah’s point of view, while Tamar was guilty of deceiving Judah, Judah was guilty on two counts. Judah was guilty of lying to Tamar and Judah was guilty of having an affair. Moses then explains that Judah refrained from having sex with her.

Now who says the Bible is boring? This is one of the most bizarre and disturbing stories in the entire Bible. And it is in this bizarre and disturbing story that we see God reveal for us a timeless truth. And that timeless truth is this: our investment in rebellious relationships will lead us toward rebellious behavior. Just as it was for Judah, just as it has been for humanity throughout history, our investment in rebellious relationships will lead us toward rebellious behavior. Andy Stanley summarizes this timeless truth this way: “Your friendships will determine the quality and direction of your life”.

Just as it was with Judah, when we invest in relationships that rebel against God and God’s word, those relationships will lead us toward rebellious behavior. Judah invested in a deep friendship with Hirah that led him to change how he viewed God and the world. Judah invested in a marriage relationship that led Judah to embrace the culture of the land of Canaan. And each investment in these rebellious relationships moved Judah further away from doing what was right in God’s sight.

And the influence of those rebellious relationships influenced Judah to lead his children to invest in rebellious relationships that led toward rebellious behavior. And in the same way today, when we invest in relationships that rebel against God and God’s word, we run the risk of those relationships leading us to rebellious behavior, because our friendships and our relationships determine the quality and direction of our life.

And intuitively we know this to be true, don’t we? For many of us here, we can look in the rearview mirror of our lives and see how this timeless principle played out in our lives. And for many of us here this morning, perhaps our greatest regret stems from our involvement in a relationship that rebelled against God and God’s word and led us toward rebellious behavior.

Fortunately for us, we see that God is able to extend grace and mercy to overcome the rebellious behavior that results from our investment in rebellious relationships, as we see Him do in the life of Judah and Tamar in verse 27:

 It came about at the time she was giving birth, that behold, there were twins in her womb. Moreover, it took place while she was giving birth, one put out a hand, and the midwife took and tied a scarlet thread on his hand, saying, "This one came out first." But it came about as he drew back his hand, that behold, his brother came out. Then she said, "What a breach you have made for yourself!" So he was named Perez. Afterward his brother came out who had the scarlet thread on his hand; and he was named Zerah.

Moses tells us that Tamar later gave birth to two twins, named Perez and Zerah. And it would be Perez, who was the result of the selfishness and rebellion of Judah and Tamar, that would become a part of the family tree that God would use to bring His Son Jesus into the world.

God used the selfishness and rebellious behavior that was the result of Judah’s investment in rebellious relationships to provide an opportunity for all humanity to be rescued from their selfishness and rebellion. And when we respond to God’s investment in us through Jesus Christ we can experience forgiveness and the relationship with God that we were created for.

So here are some questions to consider: What relationships are you investing in that are shaping you spiritually? What friendships? What dating relationships? Where are the relationships that you are investing in leading you to? Are the relationships that you are investing in leading you to Jesus?   Or are the relationships that you are investing in leading you away from Jesus?