At the church where I serve, we are coming to the end of a sermon
series entitled family daze
to family days. Our hope and our prayer during this series is that God would
move by the power of the Holy Spirit in our heads, hearts, and hands to equip
and empower us to move our families from a place of dazed conflict and
confusion to a place where we would experience the family relationships that
God has created and called us to experience.
This week, as we come to the conclusion of this series, I
would like for us to talk about the dynamic, or sometimes just the dynamite,
that describes the relationships that occur between parents and children in
families. So often, when we think about families, when we think about family
relationships, as parents, we can feel like we are walking through life dazed
and confused because of the attitudes and actions of our children. And as
children, we can feel like we are walking through life dazed and confused by
the failure of our parents to understand and connect with us.
Over the past thirty years, I
have had the privilege of working with students and families in a variety of
roles. And during my time working at a juvenile jail, as a probation officer
supervising troubled teenagers, as a Student Ministries Pastor serving Jr.
High, Sr. High and College aged students, or now in my current role as Pastor,
I have experienced a common theme or thread that runs through the conflict and
struggles that many families experience. And that common theme and thread is
this: much of the conflict that families experience between parents and
children is the result of either confusion or rebellion when it comes to roles
and responsibilities.
In some cases, conflict occurs as
a result of either a parent or child attempting to fill a role that they were
not designed to fill. And we have also seen increasing instances in our culture
where children are in essence parenting their younger brothers, sisters, and
even parents as a result of parents who are ill equipped, unprepared, and
unwilling to be parents. In other cases, conflict occurs as a result of either
a parent or child rebelling against the role and responsibilities that they
have within a family. We see the devastating effects of selfish rebellion and
sin wreak havoc on families as both parents and children go to war with one
another. And whether it is out of confusion or rebellion, at the end of the day
both parents and children are left dazed and confused by the conflict that
rages within the family.
So this week I would like for us
to spend our time together discovering God’s Divine design for the roles and
goals of parents and children within family relationships. And as we look at
another section of a letter that the Apostle Paul wrote to the church of
Ephesus, we will see God reveal to us two timeless and powerful principles, one
for children and one for parents, that have incredible influence as to whether
or not we experience the family relationships that God created and designed us
to experience. So let’s look at this section of this letter together, beginning
in Ephesians 6:1:
Children, obey
your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER
(which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH
YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.
Paul begins this section of his letter to the church at
Ephesus by addressing the roles and responsibilities that children have when it
comes to God’s design for family relationships. Paul commands children to obey
your parents in the Lord. Now when Paul uses the word obey here, this word, in
the language that this letter was originally written in, means to follow
instructions. In addition, this word conveys the sense of being subject to one
who has a position of leadership and authority. Paul’s point here is that
children are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their
parents in a way that follows their leadership by placing them first. Children
are to obey their parent in the Lord. In other words, children are to willingly
place themselves under their parent’s leadership in the same manner that they
are to place themselves under the leadership of Jesus.
Now a natural question that has arisen in the hearts and
minds of children throughout history when it comes to obeying our parent’s
instructions can be summarized in a simple three letter word: “why”? The
Apostle Paul, anticipating this question, provides the answer for us by stating
for this is right. This phrase reveals the reality that, just like the other
relationships within a family that we have looked at in this series, children
have certain roles and responsibilities that God design and desire for the
family. God has a design for family relationships and part of His design is
that children willing place themselves under their parent’s leadership and
authority.
Paul then reinforced why it is right for children to
willingly place themselves under their parent’s leadership by pointing back to
one of God’s commands to the Jewish people which is recorded for us in another
letter in our Bible called the book of Exodus. In Exodus 20:12, as part of the
Ten Commandments, we see God command the Jewish people to honor their father
and mother. Now when the letters that make up the Bible talk about honoring
someone, it is the idea of showing a high regard or respect for someone. Paul
quoted this commandment to reveal for us the reality that when children
willingly place themselves under their parent’s leadership and authority they
are fulfilling this commandment by showing them the regard and respect that
they deserve as parents.
The apostle then explained that this is the first of the
Ten Commandments that is accompanied by a promise. In other words, a child’s positive
response of following this commandment results in a promise fulfilled by God.
The promise that God attaches to this command is twofold and is revealed for us
in verse 3. First, God promises children that they are to live their lives in a
way that shows regard and respect for their parents by willingly placing
themselves under their leadership so that it may be well with you.
And children, we know this to be true don’t we? When we respect our parents and follow their
instructions, things tend to go much smoother at home don’t they? There is less
fighting, there is less yelling, and there is less nagging. Children and
students, if you are not sure that this is the case, I have an experiment for
you to do this week to test God’s promise; whenever your parents ask you to do
something, just say o.k. and do it the first time. See what happens. See
whether or not it will be well with you.
Second, God promises children that they are to show
regard and respect for their parents by willingly placing themselves under
their leadership so that you may live long on the earth. Now a natural temptation
is to view this statement in a similar way to what I occasionally experienced
when I did not show my parents respect or follow their instructions.
Occasionally, when I failed to follow the instructions of my parents or show
disrespect to them, my father would say “just remember I brought you into this
world and I can take you out of this world”. Maybe some of us still hear our
parents say something like that to us. And while that statement was true, that
is not all that Paul is reminding us of here.
Paul is not simply talking about the quantity or length
of our years on earth. Paul is also reminding us of the reality that the
quality or how well our years go on earth are connected to how we respond to
our parent’s leadership and authority. You see, it is in this timeless promise
that God attaches to this command that we see revealed for us a timeless and
powerful principle when it comes to how children respond to their roles and
responsibilities within a family. And that timeless principle is this: Children,
your willingness to follow the leadership of your parents will influence how
you will follow leadership in the future.
Children and students, here’s the thing; no matter how
old you become, no matter how smart or strong you become, no matter how much
money you make, there will always be someone who is in leadership and authority
over you. If you do not think that is the case, just look at the lives and
listen to the conversations of the adults who exercise leadership within your
family, whether it is your parents, your grandparents, or other relatives.
There is always someone in our lives that we are
responsible to report to and answer to when it comes to our attitude and
actions. And your willingness to place yourselves under the leadership of your
parents will influence and impact your willingness to willingly place yourself
under the leadership of others in the future. Your willingness to willingly
place yourselves under the leadership and authority of your parents in a way
that regards and respects them will influence and impact how you will respond
to the leadership and authority of teachers, employers, and other authority
figures in the future.
Now, children and students, just like the men last week,
and just like the ladies two weeks ago, you may be here this morning and you
may be pushing back by thinking “but Dave you don’t know my mom. You don’t know
my dad. You do not know how they treat me. Paul would not have written that if
he knew my parents”. My response would be yes, he would have. Because this has
absolutely nothing to do with your parents. And this has everything to do with
you.
You see, I have some good news and some bad news for you
this morning. The good news is that God will not hold you responsible or
accountable for how good or bad your parents are. God will deal with your
parents on how your parents treat you. The bad news is that God will totally
hold you 100% accountable for how you treat your parents. And how you choose to
treat your parent’s sets in place patterns that you will follow the rest of
your life. Because your willingness to follow the leadership of your parents
will influence how you will follow leadership in the future.
Paul concludes this section of his letter by turning his
attention to the roles and responsibilities that parents have when it comes to
their relationship with their children. We will pick up there on Thursday…
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