Stereotypical Confusion About the Role of Women...

As a church we have been discussing the reality that when we think about family relationships, we can find ourselves thinking of family days as family d.a.z.e. We have been looking at the reality that God has a design for relationships. God has designed specific roles within relationships and God has designed specific goals that those relationships are to accomplish. And because of that reality, for us to experience relationships as God designed them to be experienced requires that we be influenced by God’s Spirit. Apart from Jesus work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s activity in our lives, we do not naturally desire to experience family relationships as God designed where we willing place ourselves under others by placing others first. We discovered that only through the influence and control of the Holy Spirit that we can fully experience the relationships that we were created for. Because our relationships are influenced by what influences us.

And nowhere in our culture today is God’s design for relationships more misunderstood, misapplied, or resisted then when it comes to the relationship that men and women are to experience within a marriage. So this week, we will focus like a laser beam on a wife’s role and responsibility within a marriage relationship. And while the spotlight will be on the ladies this week, guys, next week we will spend our entire time focused on a husband’s role and responsibility within a marriage relationship. Now as we focus on the ladies by looking at a section of a letter that the Apostle Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, I imagine that for many a natural push back and resistance will occur because, for many of us, we have experienced this passage either misrepresented or misused in the past. So let’s look at this passage together, beginning in Ephesians 5:22-23:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

Now, for many of us, as soon as you see this verse, a mental image popped in your mind. And as those images popped in our minds, we could feel the tension rise in this room, couldn’t we? The tension that arises from this verse comes from the phrase “be subject”. As we discovered two weeks ago, the phrase “be subject”, in the language that this letter was originally written in, means to willingly place ourselves under others by placing others first based on one’s role in the relationship. Yet here, just one verse later, Paul is commanding that wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And Paul seems to add to the tension when he states that wives are to be subject as to the Lord. In other words women are to willingly place themselves under their husband’s leadership in the same manner that they are to place themselves under the leadership of Jesus.

Now some of you ladies are thinking, “Well Paul would not have written that if he knew my husband”. Or you may be thinking to yourself right now “well Dave, my husband is nothing like Jesus”. Ladies, we will deal with your husband’s next week. You just have to trust me on this one. Now, I believe that the tension that we tend to feel fill a room when we discuss what the Bible has to say about the relationship between men and women within a marriage, especially when it comes to these verses, often flows from two specific areas of confusion.

The first area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about the idea of leadership or authority within a marriage relationship is due to how our culture attempts to portray God’s design when it comes to a women’s role in a marriage. Mary Kassian has done an outstanding job of summarizing the five most prevalent stereotypes that are portrayed about what our culture believes the Bible says about a women’s role in a marriage relationship. The first stereotype would be who we will call Dora the Doormat. Dora wears a please step on me sign around her neck and is a passive opinion-less servant who is unable and unwilling to do anything other than what she is told. She has absolutely no goals in life except to serve her husband and have him dominate her. Dora’s sister, co-dependent Clara, goes so far as to say that those who believe in the Biblical model of marriage relationships endorse abuse.

Then there is Dipstick Danielle. Dipstick Danielle does not have a brain, as she threw all rational thought aside when she embraced a Biblical model of marriage relationships. Danielle is close friends with Bobblehead Betty, who also does not have any thoughts of her own but simply nods “yes” to everything her husband says.

Then there is kitchen trapped Kathy. Kitchen trapped Kathy lives in the kitchen, except when she goes to the laundry room. Her existence and purpose is defined by her ability to handle the household chores. Her life-long aspiration is to have one of her recipes make it into the next edition of the Betty Crocker cookbook. Her friends Dipstick Diana and Bobblehead Betty are eager to connect and share tips on cleaning techniques and the latest shopping strategies.

Then there is Baby popping Bertha. Bertha aims to have 26 kids. As a matter of fact popping out kids is the only goal and purpose to Bertha’s existence. The more kids she has, the more spiritual she is, so the more the better! Bertha does not use contraceptives or family planning, just have as many kids as you can as fast as you can. Bertha is best friends with Megan the marriage monger. Megan’s only goal in life is to be married. She’s pushing 50 and has done absolutely nothing in her life except complain about being single and is waiting for “Mr. Right” to come along.

Finally, there is repressed Rita. Rita has gifts and nowhere to use them, because her repressive and narrow-minded church will not let her preach on Sunday mornings. She is forever destined to sit in the back pew and do nothing. Silent. Frustrated. Repressed. She’s not into teaching Sunday school, facilitating a women’s community group, or mentoring and discipling women, or even serving the pressing and profound needs of the community, because she wants to do something really important- not something as menial as ministering to other women and children.

You see, the problem with these stereotypes is that none of them are found in the Bible when it comes to the role that women have in a marriage relationship. First, as we will discover next week, unlike Doormat Dora, God’s design when it comes to the role of men in a marriage relationship does not promote the idea of a woman being a docile doormat. The claim that a Biblical view of the role of women promotes doormats and encourages abuse is both false and slanderous.

Second, unlike Dipstick Danielle, nowhere is Scripture do we see God promote the idea of weak willed, unintelligent women. What the Bible does promote are women who study and think hard about the message and teachings of Jesus and how they are to apply these truths to their lives. And the pages of the Bible are filled with strong willed and courageous women. Women like Deborah, Abigail, Ruth, Esther and Mary, just to name a few. A Biblical view of women promotes women who can swim against the cultural tide and critically think for themselves.

Third, unlike Kitchen trapped Kathy, the Bible does not teach that woman are to be homebound. What the Bible does teach is that part of a woman’s role in the home is to help create and maintain a welcoming environment where the marriage and family is nurtured and can grow. However, as we will see next week, this does not mean that she has to do all the chores or that the home is the sum of her existence. And for those of you who get hyper spiritual on this particular issue, I would simply direct you to Proverbs 31, where the woman described as the standard for women to follow not only managed a household-she also ran a business.

Fourth, one of the great meanings and blessings is to bear children and raise them in a way that promotes their good and God’s glory. Yet, unlike Baby-popping Bertha, the Bible teaches that while marriage and motherhood is a blessing, it is not a woman’s ultimate aim and goal. A woman’s ultimate goal, just like men, is to live their lives in such a way that reveals and reflects Christ and advances the kingdom mission we have been given. This morning marriage is neither absolute nor eternal. What is absolute and eternal is that we are to live a life that is engaged in a relationship with Jesus Christ and the mission that He has given us.

And fifth, unlike repressed Rita, the Bible does not teach that women are second class citizens when it comes to exercising their spiritual gifts talents and abilities in the church. As a matter of fact, what the Bible teaches is that there is only one thing that a woman cannot do when it comes to serving in a local church. The one thing that a woman cannot do is be in the leadership position of an Elder or any position that requires the qualifications of an Elder. The pages of the Bible is filled with examples of woman who invested their time, talents, and treasure into God’s kingdom mission in a way that resulted in God’s glory and in the spiritual good and growth of others.

This first area of confusion that surrounds the stereotypes of women is compounded by a second area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about leadership and authority within a marriage relationship. We will look at that area of confusion tomorrow.

So, is there a stereotype that you have tended to buy into when it comes to what our culture believes that the Bible teaches about the role of women in a marriage relationship? Which one is it?