Love and lasting relationships are the result of becoming the right person, not finding the right person...

This week, we are looking at a prevalent and powerful myth in our culture when it comes to love and lasting relationships, called the right person myth. Yesterday, we discovered that while the right person myth states that the secret to finding the right person in to find the right person, fall in love, and fix all your hopes and dreams on the person for fulfillment, the right person myth is just that a myth.

Now a natural question that comes to mind is “well Dave, if the right person myth is a myth, then how am I supposed to go about dating so that I can experience love and lasting relationships? If the right person myth is wrong, then what is right? Is there an alternative?”

 

If those questions are going through your mind, I have some good news for you. And that good news is that in a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Bible called the book of Ephesians, we see a man named Paul provide for us an alternative to the right person myth. So let’s look at that alternative together, beginning in Ephesians 5:1:

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

Here we see the Apostle Paul command the members of the church of Ephesus, and followers of Jesus throughout history, to do two things. First, Paul commands followers of Jesus to be imitators of God. In other words, as followers of Jesus we are to reveal and reflect Christ in our character and conduct. Paul then provides a second command that unpacks specifically how followers of Jesus are to reveal and reflect Christ: and walk in love.

Now when Paul uses the word walk here, this word, in the language that this letter was originally written in, literally means to live out or conduct one’s life. In other words, Paul here is commanding followers of Jesus to live lives that are characterized by a selfless and sacrificial love that places others before ourselves. Just as Jesus placed fallen and broken humanity before Himself and allowed Himself to be treated as though He lived our selfish and sinful lives, so that God the Father could treat us as though we lived Jesus perfect life, as followers of Jesus we are to live lives that are characterized by a selfless and other centered love.

And it is in Paul’s commands that we discover the alternative to the right person myth when it comes to love and lasting relationships. First, we see that instead of focusing on trying to find the right person, the Bible calls us to focus on becoming the right person. As followers of Jesus, we are to focus on becoming like Christ in our character and in how we live out our relationships with God and with others.

 Second, as we are focusing on trying to become the right person, instead of trying to fall in love, we are to walk in love. You see, unlike our culture, which views and talks about love as though it were a noun, the Bible talks about love as a verb. Here is a clear and simple definition of love that the Apostle Paul is talking about here: Love is giving someone what they need most when they deserve it the least. Biblical, selfless, sacrificial, other centered love is active.

Third, we see that instead of fixing your hopes and dreams on the right person for fulfillment, we are to fix our hope and dreams on Christ for fulfillment. You see, if I were to fix all of my hopes and dreams on Julie to meet all of my needs; if Julie was to fix all her hopes and dreams on me to meet all of her needs, we have set one another up for failure. We have set one another up for failure because both Julie and I are flawed, broken people who will fall short.

There is only one person who can meet your deepest needs and bring fulfillment to your life, and that person is Jesus. To place any other person in a position where they must meet all of your needs is to make them an idol and is to set them up for failure.

But what happens if you follow these steps and the relationship does not work out? What if you are focused on becoming the right person, walking in love, and are fixing our hope in Jesus to meet our needs and the relationship does not last? Well, according to the Bible, then you have not become the right person.

Instead of thinking the right person was really the wrong person, the key question becomes “Am I the right person?” Instead of pointing the finger at someone else, the Bible calls us to point the thumb at the person in the mirror. So, if the relationship does not work out, then you simply go back to step one and begin to the process to become the right person.

And it is in this passage that we see revealed for us a timeless truth when it comes to love and lasting relationships. And that timeless truth is this: Love and lasting relationships are the result of becoming the right person, not finding the right person. Unlike the right person myth is celebrated by our culture and spread by Hollywood, the Bible reveals for us the reality that love and lasting relationships are the result of becoming the right person. Love and lasting relationships are not the result of people falling in love.

Instead, love and lasting relationships are the result of people who walking in love by giving those who they are in relationship with what they need most when they deserve it the least.  Andy Stanley conveys this timeless truth this way: “You need to become the person that the person you are looking for is looking for”.

Now you might be thinking to yourself “well Dave, how do I know when I am becoming the right person? How do I know when I am walking in love? How do I know that I am giving someone what they need most when they deserve it the least?” If those questions are running through your mind, I have some good news for you. In another letter that is recorded for us in the New Testament of our Bibles called the book of 1 Corinthians, we see the Apostle Paul unpack what walking in love practically looks like in our day to day lives.

Tomorrow, we will look at what walking in love looks like…

The "Right Person" Myth...

During the month of February, we are going to look at the idea of love and lasting relationships. And regardless of your age and stage of life, regardless of your marital status, this series of posts is designed to bring you to the place where you are better equipped to experience love and lasting relationships.

Today, I would like for us to address and attack perhaps the most prominent and powerful myth about love and lasting relationships. This myth is celebrated by our culture and spread by Hollywood. The myth that I would like to address and attack is the right person myth. You see, as far as our culture is concerned, the secret to finding love and lasting relationships is to find the right person. If you would just find the right person everything else would fall into place.

And this myth is the central theme to almost every romantic comedy made in Hollywood. So let’s take a minute and expose the myth of the right person. To help us do that, I just want you to take a minute and think of your favorite romantic comedy movie. Guys, if you are like me and are not into chick flicks, think of the last romantic comedy movie that you were forced to watch. Do you have a movie in mind? Now think of the plot of that movie as we look together at the right person myth.

The first step to love and lasting relationships according to the right person myth is that you have to find the right person. You need to be on the lookout; you need to be on the hunt; you need to be scoping out all the potential candidates. You need to be at the right place at the right time to find the right person. You need to be wearing the right clothes, you need to work out and stay in shape, you need to look and act the right way.  

Then, according to the right person myth, after you find the right person, the second step is to fall in love. For the right person to be the right person, there has to be love there; there has to be that ooey, gooey feeling; you heart just beats faster around them; you can’t stop thinking about them; there just has to be that chemistry. There has to chemistry emotionally. And there has to be chemistry physically. You know that chemistry that you just can’t keep your hands off of one another. There is an uncontrollable passion to be together and to “be together”.

Then, according to the right person myth, after you find the right person, after you fall in love, the third step is to fix your hopes and dreams on that person for fulfillment. Because the right person will meet all of your needs. The right person will be that knight in shining armor that will fill that empty space in your life and satisfy the deepest desires in your life.

But what happens if the person you are with does not meet all your needs and fulfill all the deep desires of your life? Well, according to the right person myth, then you have not found the right person. Who you thought was the right person was really the wrong person. According to the right person myth, the key question becomes “Is he/she the right person for me?”.

And if it was not the right person, then according to the right person myth, the relationship “was just for a season”, “guess it was not the right one”,  or “he or she’s not coming through for me”. So, if the relationship does not work out, then you simply go back to step one and begin to search again for the right person.

Now, let me ask you this question: Have I just described the plot of the romantic comedy that came to your mind? Is that not the plot of almost every movie from Hollywood? You see, this myth is celebrated by our culture and spread by Hollywood. But unfortunately the right person myth is just that, a myth. And the reason why the right person myth is a myth is in the results.

Here are some statistics that bear out the utter failure of the right person myth: In 2009 alone approximately 16.4 million relationships ended in a divorce. In addition, the group entitled “divorced” is the fastest growing segment of the population in the U.S.  Finally, 1/3 of divorced women live below the poverty line.  

Now a natural question that comes to mind here is “well Dave, if the right person myth is a myth, then how am I supposed to go about dating so that I can experience love and lasting relationships? If the right person myth is wrong, then what is right? Is there an alternative?” If those questions are going through your mind, I have some good news for you. And that good news is that in a section of a letter that is recorded for us in the Bible called the book of Ephesians, we see a man named Paul provide for us an alternative to the right person myth.

Tomorrow, we will look at that alternative…

The Date That Dominates February...

February 14^th, or Valentine’s Day, dominates the month of February. Valentine’s Day dominates February because Valentine’s Day seems to provoke something deep within all of us. Valentine’s Day can provoke strong responses. Some love and look forward to February 14^th, while others loath February 14^th and cannot wait until the month of February is over. But have you ever wondered why Valentine’s Day can provoke such strong responses? What is it about Valentine’s Day that paints such a powerful picture within us? 

I believe that Valentine’s Day dominates our culture in a way that few other days in the year can because Valentine’s Day places before us a powerful picture of what could be. And what Valentine’s Day provokes and places before us is the desire for love and lasting relationships. You see, human beings are relational beings. All of humanity was created for relationships; we were created for a relationship with God vertically and for relationships with other horizontally.

That is why the most painful emotion is loneliness. Loneliness is the most painful emotion because when we are lonely we are outside of what God designed us to be. Our hearts are designed to love and be loved. Our hearts were created to experience lasting relationships. And deep in the core of our beings, we crave love and lasting relationships.

Yet, while our culture craves love and lasting relationships, there is an increasing sense in our culture that love and lasting relationships are unattainable. There is an increasing sense of skepticism that one can truly experience loving relationships that will last a lifetime. This is especially the case amongst those in the gen x or millennial generation, who have looked on as their families were negatively impacted by the increasing rates of divorce. Those who are in their 40’s or younger have seen the devastation of the decline of healthy, lasting marriages and many have come to the conclusion that it is better not to marry than go through the pain and strain that comes from broken relationships.

So, are lasting relationships no longer possible? Are love and lasting relationships attainable anymore in the fast paced, short attention span culture that we live in today? What chance do singles have when it comes to love and lasting relationships?  

To answer these questions, we are going to spend our time together in the month of February in a sermon series entitled love and lasting relationships. During this series, we are going to discover what the Bible has to say about love and lasting relationships. We are going to discover how we can experience love and lasting relationships. We are going to discover how men and women are to treat one another when it comes to love and lasting relationships. We are going to discover the role that sex has in love and lasting relationships. And we are going to discover what we need to know before we make decisions regarding love and lasting relationships.  And as we go through this series, our hope and our prayer is that God would move in our heads, our hearts, and our hands, so that we would be able to experience love and lasting relationships.

Now you might be thinking to yourself “What does any of this have to do with me? I’m married, or I’m divorced; I don’t have single people problems, I have different problems. So how is a series going to help me?” If those questions are going through your mind, I just want to let you know that those are fair questions to be asking. And my answer to those questions might come as a revelation to you. For those of you who are married and are having marriage problems, here is the thing; you do not have marriage problems.

No one on the planet has marriage problems. You have single people problems and now you are married. You see, the reason why you are having marriage problems is because marriage only enhances the strengths and weaknesses that you had when you were single. You have a problem being honest in your marriage because you had a problem with honesty when you were single. You have a problem being faithful in your marriage because you had a problem with faithfulness when you were single. You are a slob in your marriage because you were a slob when you were single. You do not have marriage problems; you have single people problems and now you are married. And just because you are married that doesn’t mean you should not be dating. You just are dating your husband or your wife instead of your boyfriend or girlfriend.

So married people, this series has everything to do with you. Divorced people, this series has everything to do with you. Regardless of your age and stage of life, regardless of your marital status, this series is designed to bring you to the place where you are better equipped to experience love and lasting relationships.

Tomorrow, we will look at a powerful and prominent myth regarding love and lasting relationships…

When it comes to responsibility, we are responsible and accountable for the response-abilities we have been given...

This week, we have been looking on as Jesus told a parable, which is an earthly story that reveals a deeper spiritual truth. In this parable, there are two characters. The first character Jesus refers to as a man, who represents Jesus. The second characters are the man’s slaves, which represents us. Jesus explains that this man, just prior to leaving on a trip, calls his slaves and entrusts his possessions to them. Jesus explains that the man gave one of his slaves five talents, another of his slaves two talents, and a third slave one talent.

 In other words, this man divided his possessions among his slaves and gave them the responsibility to take care of his possessions while he was away on his trip. Wednesday, we saw that unlike the first two slaves, the slave who received one talent revealed his irresponsibility with what he was given. Instead of taking responsibility for the talent he was given, the third slave chose to make excuses and play the blame game. The slave rationalized and made excuses for his irresponsibility and shifted the blame instead of owning up to his irresponsibility. However, as we discovered earlier in this series, when we make excuses; when we play the blame game, the result is conflict and shame.

Today, we will see this reality revealed to us in verse 26-28. Now so often we read verses like these in the Bible as though we are reading a chemistry book. Instead, we should read the Bible like we would a novel. Place yourself in this scene watching this confrontation as we look at these verses together:

"But his master answered and said to him, 'You wicked, lazy slave, you knew that I reap where I did not sow and gather where I scattered no seed. (So, is that who you think I am. Well if that is who you think I am.) 'Then you ought to have put my money in the bank, and on my arrival I would have received my money back with interest. (But that is not what you did, because you do not even know me.)  'Therefore take away the talent from him, and give it to the one who has the ten talents.'“For to everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. "Throw out the worthless slave into the outer darkness; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Now as soon as you read verse 28, for some, your immediate response was “wait a minute, that’s not fair. I mean the one slave already has ten talents. Shouldn’t the talent go to the slave who has four talents? Shouldn’t the master redistribute the income so that everyone has the same? That would be fair.

But the timeless reality is that life is not fair. As a matter of fact, fairness is not a biblical value. Nowhere in the Bible will you see the concept of fairness. What you see everywhere in the Bible is the concept of rightness. The reality is that there are some people who are five talent people; there are some people who are two talent people; and there are some people who are one talent people. God gives talents and resources how He wants and to who He wants.

And it is in this parable that we see revealed for us another timeless truth when it comes to the issue of responsibility. And that timeless truth is this: When it comes to responsibility, we are responsible and accountable for the response-abilities we have been given. The timeless reality is that just like this parable, God gives the talents He gives to whom He chooses with the expectation that we will be responsible with the talents we have been given on this earth. Just like the slave who was given the one talent, our lack of responsibility can reveal the reality that we do not know God or care to know or be responsible with what God has given us.

Because, as far as Jesus is concerned, the issue is not how much talent have you been given. The issue is how responsible are you with the talents that you have been given. God is not fair, but God is right and God is just. God gives the talents He gives to whom He chooses to give.

And God’s standard is the same for all when it comes to how He measures the results. God’s standard is that the results of our lives reveal the reality that we have been responsible with the talents we have been given. God does not expect the two talent person to produce five talent results. But God does expect that the two talent person produce two talent results.

But not only is God not fair when it comes to the talents we have been given. God is not fair when it comes to the results that we receive for our responsibility. Whether we are five talent people or two talent people, the result for being responsible with the talents we have been given is the same. Because, when it comes to responsibility, we are responsible and accountable for the response-abilities we have been given.

So here is the question: What are you doing with the response-abilities that you have been given? Are you being responsible with those response-abilities by taking the opportunity to use the talents and resources you have been given?  Or are you being irresponsible with those response-abilities by making excuses and playing the blame game?

Unfairness and the "Blame Game"...

This week, we are looking at a parable, which is an earthly story that reveals a deeper spiritual truth that Jesus told His closest followers. In this parable, there are two characters. The first character Jesus refers to as a man, who represents Jesus. The second characters are the man’s slaves, which represents us. Jesus explains that this man, just prior to leaving on a trip, calls his slaves and entrusts his possessions to them. Jesus explains that the man gave one of his slaves five talents, another of his slaves two talents, and a third slave one talent. Now a talent was a measure of gold that was used in Jesus day.

In other words, this man divided his possessions among his slaves and gave them the responsibility to take care of his possessions while he was away on his trip. Yesterday, we saw that while the person with the five talents was responsible with the talents he was given to produce a positive result with what he was given; while the person with the two talents was responsible with the talents he was given to produce a positive result with what he was given, the person with the one talent does not seem to be very responsible.

Instead of using the talent that he had been given to produce something positive, the person with the one talent irresponsibly hid what he was given. Today, let’s continue as Jesus continues to tell this parable:

 "Now after a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them. "The one who had received the five talents came up and brought five more talents, saying, 'Master, you entrusted five talents to me. See, I have gained five more talents.'  "His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.'

Jesus explains that after spending a long time away on his trip, the master returned to settle accounts with the three slaves. Now this little phrase “to settle accounts” is an accounting term that conveys the sense of holding one accountable for their actions. In other words, the master was going to hold these slaves accountable for how responsible they were with whatever talents that he had given them.

The master first engages the slave who was given the most talents. As the slave reveals the results of his responsibility with the talents that he was given, the master makes a seemingly strange statement “You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.”

Now you might be thinking to yourself “what do you mean he was faithful with a few things? That guy was a five talent guy, he received the most talents; how can he say that he was faithful with a few things? He gave Him more than anyone else”. If you think you are confused now, just look at what Jesus says next:

 "Also the one who had received the two talents came up and said, 'Master, you entrusted two talents to me. See, I have gained two more talents.' "His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.'

Jesus explains that the master then engaged the slave who was given two talents. As the slave reveals the results of his responsibility with the talents that he was given, the master responds by giving him the exact same reward that he gave the slave who was given five talents.

Now you might be thinking to yourself “Wait a minute, hold on here. That’s not fair. It’s not fair that the two talent guy got the same reward as the five talent guy. I mean they did not produce the same results. The five talent guy ended up with ten talents, while the two talent guy only ended up with four talents. The five talent guy should get a bigger reward. That’s not fair. To which Jesus would say life’s not fair.

You see, as far as Jesus is concerned, the issue is not how much talent have you been given. The issue is how responsible are you with the talents that you have been given. That is why we get ourselves off track when we focus on comparing our talents with others talents instead of focusing on whether or not we are responsible with the talents we have been given.

We get off track because God gives the talents He gives to whom He chooses with the expectation that we will be responsible with the talents we have been given on this earth. Now this leads us to the slave who was given one talent. We see what happens next, beginning in verse 24:

 "And the one also who had received the one talent came up and said, 'Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow and gathering where you scattered no seed. 'And I was afraid, and went away and hid your talent in the ground. See, you have what is yours.'

Unlike the first two slaves, the slave who received one talent revealed his irresponsibility with what he was given. Instead of taking responsibility for the talent he was given, the third slave chose to make excuses and play the blame game. The slave blames his master: “I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow and gathering where you scattered no seed.”

In other words, the slave states “I knew that you were unjust and a thief. I knew that you are an unyielding man who takes what is not his. So I did not risk the possibility of loss, so I am just giving you back what is yours”. The slave rationalized and made excuses for his irresponsibility and shifted the blame instead of owning up to his irresponsibility.

However, as we discovered earlier in this series, when we make excuses; when we play the blame game, the result is conflict and shame. Friday, we will see this reality play out in this parable and discover a timeless truth when it comes to responsibility...

The Collision Between Fairness and Responsibility...

This month at the church where I serve we have launched into the New Year with a sermon series entitled responsibility. During this series, have been spending our time together  looking at what the Bible has to say about the issue of responsibility and what responsibility looks like in our lives.

This week, as we come to the conclusion of this series, I would like for us to spend our time together talking about an aspect of life that can get us off track when it comes to the whole issue of responsibility. And that aspect of life is the issue of fairness. You see, there are times when responsibility and fairness collide with one another. There are times when we can find ourselves in a place in life where life does not seem fair.

And because we feel that life does not seem to be fair we can find ourselves responding by attempting to avoid or ignore our responsibilities in life. I mean why should we be responsible if other people can be irresponsible and I end up having to be responsible for their irresponsibility?

Have you ever been there? Have you ever found yourself in a place where life does not seem fair? Maybe it is the place where you feel like life is not fair because you are not as talented as others? Maybe it is the place where you feel like life is not fair because you are not as well off as others? Or maybe it is the place where you feel like life is not fair because you are responsible and others are irresponsible, but no one seems to notice? Have you been there?

This collision between responsibility and fairness is not a new aspect of life. As a matter of fact, in an account of Jesus life that is recorded for us in the Bible called the gospel of Matthew, we see Jesus address the collision between responsibility and fairness. We see Jesus address the collision between responsibility and fairness in Matthew 25, beginning in verse 14. Let’s look at it together:

"For it is just like a man about to go on a journey, who called his own slaves and entrusted his possessions to them. "To one he gave five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability; and he went on his journey.

To understand what Jesus is communicating here, we first need to understand two things. First, we need to understand the context in which Jesus is telling this story. Second, we need to understand the type of story that He is telling. At this point is the gospel of Matthew, Jesus has just had a confrontation with the Pharisees, who were the self righteous religious leaders of the day. After that confrontation, Jesus begins to engage His closest followers, the disciples, in a conversation regarding what will happen at the end of God’s story here on earth.

And as part of that conversation, Jesus tells a series of parables. Now a parable is an earthly story that reveals a deeper spiritual truth. In this parable, there are two characters. The first character Jesus refers to as a man, who represents Jesus. The second characters are the man’s slaves, which represents us. Jesus explains that this man, just prior to leaving on a trip, calls his slaves and entrusts his possessions to them.

Jesus explains that the man gave one of his slaves five talents, another of his slaves two talents, and a third slave one talent. Now a talent was a measure of gold that was used in Jesus day. In other words, this man divided his possessions among his slaves and gave them the responsibility to take care of his possessions while he was away on his trip.

But here is a question: Why didn’t this man give each of the slaves an equal amount of talents? Why did he give one five, one two, and another just one? I mean, that’s not fair, is it?  Have you ever been there? Have you ever wondered why there are some people that are five talent people, and yet you are only a two talent person?

Now, we all know the answer to this question, don’t we? We all know the answer that we give when we hear the phrase “that’s not fair”, don’t we? The answer to the statement “that’s not fair” is “well get used to it, because life is not fair”. This morning, the timeless reality is that life is not fair. As a matter of fact, fairness is not a biblical value. Nowhere in the Bible will you see the concept of fairness.

The reality is that there are some people who are five talent people; there are some people who are two talent people; and there are some people who are one talent people. God gives talents and resources how He wants and to who He wants. And just like this parable, God gives the talents He gives to whom He chooses with the expectation that we will be responsible with the talents we have been given on this earth.

Where we can find ourselves getting off track, however, is when we begin to focus on comparing our talents with others talents instead of focusing on whether or not we are responsible with the talents we have been given. And as Matthew, continues, we see Jesus continue to tell this parable:

"Immediately the one who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and gained five more talents. "In the same manner the one who had received the two talents gained two more. "But he who received the one talent went away, and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

Now, if this was a DVD that we were watching, at this point there would be some ominous music playing in the background, wouldn’t there? And intuitively we know that the slave with the one talent just did something that was just not right, don’t we? I mean we could stop reading here and walk away knowing that the person with the one talent did the wrong thing.

While the person with the five talents was responsible with the talents he was given to produce a positive result with what he was given; while the person with the two talents was responsible with the talents he was given to produce a positive result with what he was given, the person with the one talent does not seem to be very responsible. Instead of using the talent that he had been given to produce something positive, the person with the one talent irresponsibly hid what he was given.

However, instead of stopping here, tomorrow we will continue looking on as Jesus continues to tell this parable:

When it comes to responsibility, we are not to pray our way around our responsibilities...

This week, we are talking about a temptation that we can all face when it comes to the whole issue of responsibility. And this temptation flows from a tension that we experience as followers of Jesus between a fundamental aspect of our relationship with Jesus and responsibility. The tension I am talking about is the tension between prayer and responsibility.

Wednesday, we looked at a prayer that Joshua prayed to God after the Jewish people experienced and unexpected defeat. However, God responded by telling Joshua to “get up. Get off your knees and stand up! Why are you praying to me? You shouldn’t be praying right now”. Now you might be thinking “well that’s kind of harsh. I thought we were supposed to pray. Why is God telling Joshua not to pray?”

Today, as the story continues, we see God answer this question and provide for us another timeless principle when it comes to the issue of responsibility:

"Israel has sinned, and they have also transgressed My covenant which I commanded them. And they have even taken some of the things under the ban and have both stolen and deceived. Moreover, they have also put them among their own things. "Therefore the sons of Israel cannot stand before their enemies; they turn their backs before their enemies, for they have become accursed. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy the things under the ban from your midst.

God explains to Joshua that he needs to stop praying because Israel has sinned. Israel has not been responsible. Instead, Israel has been irresponsible. You see, Joshua did not need to pray because this was not an issue with God; this was an issue with the Jewish nation. Now imagine yourself as Joshua. You did not sin; you and your leadership team were not irresponsible, so why is the nation being punished?

Here we see revealed for us the reality that there is no such sin as personal and private sin. Our selfishness and sin, our irresponsibility, affects and impacts all who are in our sphere of influence. And Achan, as a part of the Jewish army responsible for taking possession of the Promised Land, his selfish rebellion and irresponsibility when it came to following God’s commands affected the entire Jewish nation.

And it is here that we see another timeless principle revealed for us when it comes to the issue of responsibility. And that timeless principle is this: When it comes to responsibility, we are not to pray our way around our responsibilities. There are some things that you do not need to pray about. There are some things that do not require prayer.

Let’s just take a minute to look at some examples of things that you do not need to pray about when it comes to responsibility. For example, you do not need to pray about whether or not you should rob the local bank. You do not need to pray about whether or not you should kill your neighbor. You do not need to pray those prayers because God has already answered those prayers. You do not need an answer from God because He has already provided the answer hasn’t He? Do not steal; do not kill.

Now you might be thinking to yourself “Dave those examples are ridiculous and obvious. I would never pray that kind of prayer”.  Yes they are ridiculous and obvious. And most of us would probably never pray that kind of prayer to God. But how often do we use prayer as a crutch to avoid taking responsibility in our lives? How often do we use prayer to attempt to rationalize irresponsibility?

You know prayers that look something like this: “God, I really like this guy and he doesn’t go to church and he wants me to come spend the night. Please help this relationship work out”. Or “God I really like this house and I know it is expensive and will require going into dangerous amounts of debt, but please bless us as we purchase this house”.

How often do we prayer prayers that look like this because we are trying to rationalize and justify our irresponsibility as though God is somehow going to approve? How often do we pray prayers that look like this in order to delay and put off doing what we know we need to do in order to be responsible? How many prayers do we pray around the issue of responsibility that God has already answered, but we either do not like the answer or do not take the time to see if God has already provided the answer in the Bible? And as this story continues, we see God continue to direct Joshua to stop praying his way around his responsibilities and instead take responsibility in Joshua 7:13:

"Rise up! Consecrate the people and say, 'Consecrate yourselves for tomorrow, for thus the LORD, the God of Israel, has said, "There are things under the ban in your midst, O Israel. You cannot stand before your enemies until you have removed the things under the ban from your midst." 'In the morning then you shall come near by your tribes. And it shall be that the tribe which the LORD takes by lot shall come near by families, and the family which the LORD takes shall come near by households, and the household which the LORD takes shall come near man by man. 'It shall be that the one who is taken with the things under the ban shall be burned with fire, he and all that belongs to him, because he has transgressed the covenant of the LORD, and because he has committed a disgraceful thing in Israel.'"

God commands Joshua to stop praying and to start dealing with the irresponsibility and sin. The Jewish people were to set themselves apart and come before the Lord at the tabernacle, where the Lord would reveal and expose who the guilty party was. And once the guilty party was revealed they would suffer the consequences for their irresponsible selfishness and rebellion.

And for the rest of Joshua chapter 7, we see Joshua and the Jewish people follow God’s command and take responsibility for their lives and their community. And we also see the timeless reality is that our irresponsibility and our selfishness and rebellion bring consequences to all of those who are in our sphere of influence. Just like Achan, our irresponsibility has devastating and destructive consequences for all that are around us. And praying our way around our irresponsibility does not remove the consequences of our irresponsibility.

So here are some questions for us to consider: Are you praying your way around your responsibilities? Are you using prayer as an excuse for your irresponsibility? What do you need to do this week in order to stop hiding behind your prayer life to avoid responsibility? Where do you need to stop praying and start doing in order to start taking responsibility?