Rebelling Against God's Design for Relationships...

This week, we have been looking at a section of a letter in the Bible where we saw a man named Paul provide for us a timeless and true piece charge that proves we are guilty of having a problem when it comes to a relationship with God by leaving God out and living as though He does not exist. Paul explained that we provide the evidence that proves that we leave God out and live as though He does not exist when we ignore the evidence within us when it comes to creation and when we ignore the evidence that is revealed by our rebellion.

As Paul concludes this section of this letter, he provides the third of three evidences of rebellion that serve to prove our guilt when it comes to leaving God out and living life as though He does not exist in Romans 1:28-32:

And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

Here we see Paul reveals for us the reality that as humanity continued to foolishly leave God out and live as though He did not exist by rejecting God’s design for worship and then marriage and sexuality, God responded by taking a third step back. Instead of stepping in and stopping humanities selfish rebellion and rejection of Him, God withdrew in order allow humanity the freedom to decide what would happen next.

And what happened next is that humanity did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, but continued to come to the conclusion that they did not need to recognize God. So instead, they continued to ignore God and live as though He did not exist which results in the third of three evidences of our rebellion that serve to prove our guilt in that we rebelled against God by rejecting God’s design for relationships. The phrase a depraved mind here literally means a worthless way of thinking. And it is that worthless way of thinking that results in us failing to experience the relationships with others that we were created and called to live. Our relationships with others are not right; they are at odds with how God designed them to be.

Paul then unpacks the evidence that proves that humanity at odds with how God designed our relationships with others to be with a list. Now let’s at that list that was written over 2,000 years ago again, and as I read that list ask yourself this question: Has anything changed?:

being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

Has anything changed? Are these not the same issues that plague the human condition and society today, regardless of location. In every culture and continent you see this list repeat itself, because the reality is that the rejection of God’s design for relationships is the evidence that proves humanities guilt. And what is the nail on the coffin is the very last sentence “although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.”

Paul’s point here is that although humanity intuitively understands in a clear way God’s design for how we are to relate to one another, they instead choose to reject God’s design for relationships that is evidenced by the behaviors on the list. In addition, while humanity intuitively understands that their selfish rebellion deserves a guilty verdict that results in eternal separation from God, they do not feel guilty.

Instead, Paul states that humanity gives hearty approval to those who join in on such behavior. Humanity stands up and applauds and encourages one another to leave God out and live life as though He does not exist. “Yooo hooo; just ignore the big guy upstairs; just do whatever you want, because life is all about you and what you can get, regardless of how that impacts others”. However, the reality is that when we reject God’s design for relationships, it reveals the evidence of our rebellion and proves that we are guilty of leaving God out and living life as though He does not exist.

So, are you guilty? Do you leave God out and live life as though He does not exist? Now you might be here and you may be thinking “Well Dave I am not like those people. I don’t ignore God, I just believe that I am a good moral person and because I am a good moral person I don’t have a problem with God. So, am I guilty?” We will answer those questions next week.

Ignoring the Evidence When it Comes to Our Rebellion...

Yesterday, we looked at a section of a letter in the Bible where we saw a man named Paul provide for us a timeless and true piece of evidence that proves we are guilty of having a problem when it comes to a relationship with God by leaving God out and living as though He does not exist. Paul revealed for us the timeless reality that we are guilty of leaving God out and living life as though He does not exist when we ignore the evidence within us when it comes to creation.

But not only are we guilty because we ignore the evidence within us when it comes to creation. Paul also provides a second piece of evidence that we are guilty when he charges that we are guilty because we ignore the evidence revealed by our rebellion. We see Paul reveal this piece of evidence to us in Romans 1:24-32. Let’s look at it together:

Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

Now to fully understand what the Apostle Paul is communicating here, we first need to understand what the phrase ‘gave them over” means. This phrase literally means to hand over or give up to what someone wants or desires. Paul’s point here is that God responded to all of humanities foolish choice to leave God out and live as though He did not exist by taking a step back. Instead of immediately stepping in and stopping humanities selfish rebellion and rejection of Him by ignoring His existence, He stepped back. God withdrew in order allow humanity the freedom to decide what would happen next.

And what happened next is the first of three evidences of rebellion that serve to prove our guilt. And that first piece of evidence is that we rebelled against God by rejecting God’s design for worship. God stepped back and allowed humanity the freedom to fully express their desires when it came to worship. And their desires were bent toward impurity, which refers to a state of moral corruption. And that moral corruption resulted in their bodies being dishonored among them, which literally means to be deprived of honor or respect. Now a natural question that arises here is how exactly does humanity deprive honor or respect from one another through the impurity that comes as a result of rejecting God’s design for worship?

Paul provides that answer in verse 25 by explaining that humanity exchanged the right and true response of worship for God for the false worship of something other than God as God, which is idolatry. You see, when we worship the creation instead of the creator, two things occur that result in our humanity being deprived of honor and respect. First, when we worship the creation instead of the creator, we lose the dignity and respect that we were designed for. All of humanity is created in God’s relational image. We are created for relationships. We are created for a relationship with God and we are created for relationships with one another. So when we worship the creation instead of the creator, we are not reflecting God’s relational image as it was designed to be reflected.

Second, when we worship creation instead of the creator, we end up participating in acts of worship that deprive us and others of respect and dignity. History and humanity is filled with false and idolatrous religious systems that require degrading, damaging, and destructive acts of worship, especially involving sex, that are inhumane, unjust, and deprive others of the dignity and respect that they were created for. Paul then paused to express his worship to the Lord, who he explains is to be praised and will be praised for all eternity.

Paul then provides the second of three evidences of rebellion that serve to prove our guilt when it comes to leaving God out and living life as though He does not exist in Romans 1:26-27:

For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.

In these verses, Paul reveals for us the reality that as humanity chose to foolishly leave God out and live as though He did not exist by rejecting God’s design for worship, God responded by taking another step back. Instead of stepping in and stopping humanities selfish rebellion and rejection of Him, God withdrew in order allow humanity the freedom to decide what would happen next.

And what happened next is the second of three evidences of rebellion that serve to prove our guilt in that we rebelled against God by rejecting God’s design for marriage and sexuality. The phrase degrading passions here refer to the passions that we have when it comes to sexual intimacy with others. Paul explains that humanity chose to exchange and abandon the truth of God’s design for marriage and sexuality, instead moving to a place where they burned in their desire for one another.

You see, sex is like a fire. When you have a fire in the fireplace, the fire functions as designed; it provides warm and a nice atmosphere to be experienced. But if you start a fire in the middle of the living room floor, you burn the house down. The fire becomes extremely destructive because it is burning where it was not designed to burn. What I find interesting here is that Paul, who was very familiar with all the Old Testament passages that expressively forbid homosexual activity, did not quote a single Old Testament verse to prove his point.

Instead, he pointed to God’s design within the created order. In God’s created order male and female body parts are divinely designed to experience intimacy with members of the opposite sex, not the same sex. Paul did not need to be a Bible thumper to provide evidence of humanities rebellion; he simply pointed to God’s divine design. Maybe we should keep that in mind the next time we have a conversation about homosexuality. Instead of talking about what we are against, let’s talk about what we are for and what God is for, which is His divine design of sexuality within a one man one woman for one lifetime marriage relationship.

Paul’s point here is that any sexuality outside of God’s design, whether the destructive sexuality that was occurring in false and idolatrous worship in verses 24-25; whether it is heterosexual sex before marriage; whether it is heterosexual sex in addition to sex within marriage, or whether it is homosexual sexual activity, which Paul specifically describes here in verses 26-27 is evidence of rebellion through our rejection of God’s design for marriage and sexuality.

When Paul states that those who rebel and reject God’s design for marriage and sexuality receive in their own persons the due penalty of their error, he is revealing us the reality that the rejection of God’s design for marriage and sexuality provides the evidence that proves that they are guilty of leaving God out and living life as though He does not exist. And it is that guilt that provokes God’s perfectly just and right response to that rebellion.

Paul then concludes this section of this letter by providing the third of three evidences of rebellion that serve to prove our guilt when it comes to leaving God out and living life as though He does not exist in Romans 1:28-32. We will look at that piece of evidence tomorrow.

In the meantime, are you guilty of leaving God out and living as though He does not exist because you have rebelled against God's design for worship? Are you guilty of leaving God out and living as though He does not exist because you have rebelled against God's design for marriage and sexuality?

Ignoring the Evidence Within Us When it Comes to Creation...

Yesterday, we looked at a section of a letter in the Bible where we saw a man named Paul provide for us a timeless and true charge as to whether or not we are guilty of having a problem when it comes to our relationship with God. And that timeless and true charge was that we are guilty when we leave God out and live as though He does not exist. We are guilty of having a problem when it comes to our relationship with God when we leave God out of our lives and live as though He does not exist. Paul pointed out that God justly and rightly responds to humanities failure to acknowledge God and being at odds with God by living our lives as though He does not exist.

Now a natural question that may arise here is “well Dave, how do I suppress the truth about God? I mean to suppress or ignore something requires evidence of that something. So what evidence is there that there is a God that I am ignoring and living like He does not exist? Like any good prosecuting attorney, Paul continues by providing two pieces of evidence to prove that humanity is guilty of leaving God out and living as though He does not exist.

First, Paul charges that we are guilty because we ignore the evidence within us when it comes to creation. We see Paul reveal this piece of evidence to us in Romans 1:19-23. Let’s look at it together:

because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.

In these verses, we see reveal for us two reasons why we are guilty because we ignore the evidence within us when it comes to creation. First, Paul explains that the evidence of God’s existence through creation clearly provokes within us an awareness and understanding of a Creator. When Paul uses the phrase known about God is evident, this phrase refers to something that is intelligible and capable of being known as it can be clearly and plainly seen. Paul’s point here is that God clearly reveals the truth about His existence to all humanity through His creative activity in the universe in a way that is understandable and can be clearly seen.

But notice where Paul reveals the truth about His existence; the clear and plain truth of God’s existence is within us. You see, in the core of every human being is an intuitive sense that there is something out there bigger and beyond us. Something within in us provokes a clear and plain concept of a Creator. Paul then unpacks this further in verse 20 by explaining that since the creation of the universe, God’s character, power, and nature have plainly and clearly been on display. God’s wisdom, God’s might, God’s greatness, God’s goodness, and God’s creativity is evidenced in the universe around us.

When Paul uses the words seen and understood here, he is explaining that God’s existence has been noticed and perceived in a way that has been grasped and comprehended by humanity throughout history as a result of His activity of creating the universe. Across cultures and continents, across calendars and centuries, humanity has been provoked to worship something that they clearly comprehended as their creator.

And because of this intuitive perception that all humanity experiences regarding the reality of the existence of something bigger and beyond us, called God, all of humanity is without excuse. In other words, no human being can say that they did not know that God exists, because the evidence that God exists is overwhelming through the creation.

However, in verses 21-23 Paul explains that the evidence of God’s existence through creation is rejected as humanity instead chose the path of foolishness. Paul explains that even though God’s existence has been noticed and perceived in a way that has been grasped and comprehended by humanity throughout history through His creation, they did not honor Him as God or gave thanks. The word honor here literally means to influence one’s opinion so as to enhance another’s reputation.
Paul’s point here is that humanity foolishly chose to refuse to live their lives in a way that enhanced God’s reputation; instead they chose to ignore Him. Instead of expressing appreciation for all the blessings and benefits that God gave humanity within the creation, humanity foolishly chose to ignore Him.

Now in the Bible, a fool is a person who knows something is true, yet proceeds to live life as though it is not true. A fool is a person who says “I know the law of gravity is true” then proceeds to step off a ten story building. The word that Paul uses for fool in verse 23 is the word that we translate in English as moron. The phrase they became futile in their expectations literally means that their reasoning became worthless. In other words, while all of humanity was able to clearly perceive and understand that God exists and created the universe, yet all of humanity worthlessly rejected that truth and proceeded to live life as though God does not exist.

Paul then unpacks exactly how all of humanity became worthless when it came to their reasoning and response about God in verse 23. Paul explains that while all humanity professed to be wise in that they could state with confidence what they believed about God, they were actually morons who exchanged “the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.” In other words, instead of responding to the clear and plain evidence of God’s existence has been perceived and comprehended through His creation by worshipping God, all of humanity has foolishly chosen to worship the creation.

Whether it is in the image of an animal, the image of position, the image of possession, or the image that we seen in the mirror, all of humanity chooses to worship something other than God than God, which is called idolatry. Paul here is revealing for us the timeless reality that we are guilty of leaving God out and living life as though He does not exist when we ignore the evidence within us when it comes to creation.

But not only are we guilty because we ignore the evidence within us when it comes to creation. Paul also provides a second piece of evidence that we are guilty when he charges that we are guilty of having a problem when it come to our relationship with God. We will look at that evidence tomorrow.

In the meantime, our you guilty of ignoring the evidence within you when it comes to the existence of God?

We are Guilty When We Leave God Out and Live as Though He Does Not Exist...

Last week, we looked at the opening section of this letter that was written to a church that was located at the center of the most powerful empire in the world and saw the Apostle Paul provide a timeless answer to the question is God right. And that timeless answer is that the message of the gospel reveals the reality that God is right. In Romans 1:1-17, Paul proclaimed that God is right. God always has been right; God always will be right. And the extent that we are right when it comes to our relationship with God is directly related to the extent that our heads, hearts, and hands line up with what God believes is right, because God is right.

Paul then stated that the fact that God is right is revealed to all humanity through the message of the gospel. However, many people question and push back against the idea that the message of the gospel reveals the reality that God is right. You may be reading this, and may be thinking “well how does the gospel prove that God is right? You seem to be telling me that I have a problem that requires me to be rescued or saved and that only faith in Jesus can do that. Well I don’t know if that is true. I’m not sure that I buy the idea that I have a problem when it comes to God that can only be resolved through faith in Jesus”.

So for the next five weeks, we will look at a section of a letter in the Bible that gives us a glimpse into a trial that occurred 2,000 years ago. This trial involved a case that was brought against humanity by the Apostle Paul on behalf of God. And in the next five weeks we will have the opportunity to evaluate the evidence and come to a conclusion as to whether or not we are guilty or innocent when it comes to whether or not we have a problem when it comes to God. And as we will see, the evidence that will see will remove any ambiguity that we may feel when it comes to whether or not we have a problem with God. So let’s begin to look at the evidence together, beginning in Romans 1:18:

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,

In these verses we see Paul, acting like a prosecuting attorney on “Law and Order”, make his opening statement when it comes to whether or not humanity is guilty of having a problem when it comes to God. But to fully understand the charges here, we first need to wrap our minds around some of the 50 cent church words that Paul uses here. When Paul uses the word wrath, this word refers to God’s just and right response to selfish rebellion and sin. This is God’s holy attitude in action to address the actions of selfishness and rebellion that hurt Him and others. Now it is important to understand that God’s wrath is not a selfish passionate emotional response. It is not God blowing a head gasket, so to speak. Instead, it is God’s perfect justice resulting in a rightful response to the wrongdoing and injustice of others.

When Paul uses the word revealed, he is revealing for us the reality that the message of the gospel makes fully known God’s just and right response to selfish rebellion and sin. For God to allow selfish rebellion and injustice to go unpunished would make Him unjust. God’s very nature dictates a response to rebellion and injustice. And God’s justice is revealed in the gospel against all ungodliness and unrighteousness.

Ungodliness, simply put, is leaving God out. Ungodliness is a failure to acknowledge God and thus dishonoring God by leaving God out. Ungodliness is not just horrible acts of rebellion and sin; it is ignoring God. The word unrighteous, simply put, is not being right with God or the truth about God. Unrighteousness involves being at odds with God and the truth about God that results in acts of selfish rebellion and sin. When Paul uses the word suppress here, this word, in the language this letter was originally written in, means to hold down or ignore something.

Paul is charging humanity of being guilty of holding back, pushing back, and ignoring God and the truth of God that results in humanity having the problem of not being right with God. And it is in this verse that we see Paul provide for us a timeless and true charge as to whether or not we are guilty of having a problem when it comes to our relationship with God. And that timeless and true charge is that we are guilty when we leave God out and live as though He does not exist. We are guilty of having a problem when it comes to our relationship with God when we leave God out of our lives and live as though He does not exist. Paul’s point here is that God justly and rightly responds to humanities failure to acknowledge God and being at odds with God by living our lives as though He does not exist.

Now a natural question that may arise here is “well Dave, how do I suppress the truth about God? I mean to suppress or ignore something requires evidence of that something. So what evidence is there that there is a God that I am ignoring and living like He does not exist?

Tomorrow, we will look at the first piece of evidence that Paul provides to prove that humanity is guilty of leaving God out and living as though He does not exist.

Is God Right?

I would like for us to look at a fundamental question that is asked and answered by every human being. But before we look at this question, we first must correct a fundamental misconception that we can easily fall into as Christians in today’s culture. And that fundamental misconception is to believe that we are living in a time and culture that is dark and devoid of spirituality.

To say that our culture is devoid of spirituality is inaccurate. On the contrary, we are living in a very spiritual culture. If you do not think this is the case, just go into any bookstore’s religion section. There you will find shelves that are filled with books on spirituality and various religious systems. You will find books on Christianity, Judaism, Mormonism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Universalism, Pantheism, New Age Spirituality, Scientology and transcendental meditation, just to name a few. America is a very diverse culture economically, ethnically, culturally, and spiritually.

And because we live in such a spiritually diverse culture that is filled with many different religious systems, people are confronted with this question: which religious system is right? Some people try to answer this question by hedging their bets and approaching a relationship with God like a buffet line where they can pick and choose what they like from various faith systems in the world and choose to ignore the parts of the faith systems of the world that they do not like.

The problem with this approach to spirituality or a relationship with God is twofold. First, while one may believe that all religious systems are similar, the reality is that when you lay out their beliefs about who God is and how you can have a relationship with God, it becomes very clear very quickly that all paths do not lead to the same place. Second, every religious system claims to be the only correct religious system. Therefore, there are only two possible solutions: either every religious system is wrong or one religious system is right.

And what is so interesting is that almost every human being inherently recognizes that there is something beyond this earthly existence. I mean that is why we have funerals, isn’t it? No one approaches a casket at a funeral and say, “oh, so that’s what happens, I get it. You just die and are buried in the ground”. No one does that at a funeral because every human being has an inherent sense that there is something beyond this life. And it is this inherent sense of something beyond this life that leads to the question that remains “which religious system is right?” More specifically, the question that is often debated and discussed in our culture is this: “Is the God that is described in this book right”? So, is the God that is portrayed in the Bible right? Are the claims of Christianity right?

Now this is not a new question. As a matter a fact this question is the subject of an entire letter that is recorded for us in our Bibles, called the Book of Romans. This letter was written to a church that was located in the center of the most powerful empire in the known world. Now Rome was not only the capital city of the Roman Empire; it was also the cultural and intellectual center of the known world. Rome was so influenced by Greek culture and thought that they were often referred to as Greeks. To give us a little perspective, if we were to take New York City, Washington D.C. and Los Angeles and combine the characteristics that mark these cities into one city, you would have Rome.

In addition, the Rome was an extremely diverse city ethnically and spiritually. The city was filled with a wide range of religious and philosophical systems, including, Judaism, and Greek and Roman polytheism. And as Christianity began to take root and spread in the midst of this diverse intellectual, cultural, and spiritual society, a question began to be asked by the residents of Rome: Is the God that is portrayed in the Bible right? Are the claims of Christianity right? And it is in the midst of this situation that this letter was written to this early church. And in the beginning sections of this letter, we see the timeless answer revealed for us when it comes to the question as to whether or not God is right, beginning in Romans 1:16:

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, "BUT THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH."

Paul tells the members of the church at Rome, and us today that the reason why he was driven by a passionate desire to engage and proclaim the claims of Christ and the message of the gospel was due to the fact that he was not ashamed of the gospel. You see, Paul was not concerned or worried about the possibility of losing status or position or prominence because of his proclamation of the claims of Christ and the message of the gospel. Paul was not concerned or worried about the possibility of rejection, ridicule, criticism or condemnation because of his relationship with Christ and his role in God’s kingdom mission.

But notice why Paul was not concerned or worried about the impact that his relationship with Jesus and his role in proclaiming the claims of Christ and the message of the gospel would have on his status or position or prominence in the eyes of others. In Romans 1:16-17, we see Paul provide two reasons what he was not ashamed of the gospel. First, in verse 16, Paul was not ashamed because the gospel is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. The Apostle is revealing for us the reality that he viewed the claims of Christ and the message of the gospel as the means by which all of humanity could be rescued from their selfish rebellion and sin and restored to the relationship with God that they were created for. The gospel is God powerfully opening a door that only He would open; a door the leads to forgiveness; a door that leads to rescue; and door that leads to restoration and healing.

And that salvation, that rescue is available to everyone who believes. Now the word believe is the same word that is also translated faith in our Bibles. To believe is to entrust oneself to someone in complete confidence. Paul’s point here is that the message of the gospel is God’s powerful way of providing the opportunity for all humanity to receive the forgiveness of sin and enter into the relationship with God that they were created for by believing, trusting and following Jesus as Lord and Leader.

Second, in verse 17, we see that Paul was not ashamed because for in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith. Let’s take a minute to define some terms here so that we will be able to fully wrap our minds around what Paul is saying. When you see the word righteousness in the Bible, this word refers to the quality or state of being right. When Paul states that the righteousness of God has been revealed, the word revealed means to cause something to be made fully known. As we have seen earlier, the word faith refers to a state of devotion to Christ based on a confident trust in the claims of Christ and the message of the gospel.

Now with all these definitions in mind, if Paul were writing this letter today in the language of our culture, this verse would sound something like this: "I am not ashamed of the gospel because the gospel makes it abundantly clear that God is right. He is right because salvation from selfishness and sin always only has been and always only will be obtained by placing your confident trust in the message of the gospel by believing, trusting, and following Jesus as Lord and Leader".

And it is in this verse that we receive the timeless answer to the question is God right. And that timeless answer is this: the message of the gospel reveals the reality that God is right. God is right. God always has been right; God always will be right. And the extent that we are right when it comes to our relationship with God is directly related to the extent that our heads, hearts, and hands line up with what God believes is right, because God is right.

And this reality is revealed to all humanity through the message of the gospel. The message that that while all of humanity was created for a relationship with God and one another, all of humanity selfishly chose to reject that relationship, instead choosing to love our selves over God and others. And it is out of our selfishness that we do things that hurt God and those around us, which the Bible calls sin. The message that reveals that God responded to our selfish rebellion and sin by sending His Son Jesus, God in a bod, who entered into humanity and allowed Himself to be treated as though He lived our selfish and sinful lives so God the Father could treat us as though we lived Jesus perfect life. The message that reveals that Jesus died on the cross, was buried in a tomb dead as a door nail, and was brought back to life as a result of the Holy Spirit’s transforming and supernatural activity in order to be our Lord and Savior. The message that provides the opportunity for all humanity to receive the forgiveness of sin and enter into the relationship with God that they were created for by believing, trusting and following Jesus as Lord and Leader.

Paul then reinforces this reality by quoting a section of a letter in the Old Testament called the book of Habakkuk. In Habakkuk 2:4, we read God respond to the prideful arrogance of the Babylonian King, by stating that the righteous will live by his faith. Paul quotes this Old Testament verse to reinforce the reality that the person who is right with God is right with God because they have faith in God and live their life by faith in God and His promises.

Now you might be questioning and pushing back against the idea that the message of the gospel reveals the reality that God is right. You may be thinking “well how does the gospel prove that God is right? You seem to be telling me that I have a problem that requires me to be rescued or saved and that only faith in Jesus can do that. Well I don’t know if that is true. I’m not sure that I buy the idea that I have a problem when it comes to God. I am not sure that I have a problem that can only be resolved through faith in Jesus”.

If those thoughts are running through your mind, I just want to let you know that those are great thoughts to be wrestling with. Does humanity have a problem? How do we know if we have a problem? And does that problem have a solution apart from Jesus? For the next five weeks we will spend our time together at a section of the Bible that gives us a glimpse into a trial that occurred 2,000 years ago. This trial involved a case that was brought against humanity by God. And in the next five weeks we will see evidence that will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt whether we are guilty or innocent when it comes to whether or not we have a problem when it comes to God.

Because Paul proclaims that the message of the gospel reveals that reality that God is right. What do you think? Is God right? Do we have a problem? And if we do have a problem, is the message of the gospel the only answer?

A Parents Ability to Influence is Based on the Depth of Relationship with their Children...

This week we have been talking about the relationships that occur between parents and children in families. Yesterday, in Ephesians 6:1-3, we discovered that a child's willingness to place themselves under the leadership of their parents will influence and impact their willingness to willingly place themselves under the leadership of others in the future. Paul then turns his attention to the roles and responsibilities that parents have when it comes to their relationship with their children in Ephesians 6:4:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Now when Paul uses the word fathers, he is not excluding mothers from what he is to say next. As we talked about earlier in this series, fathers are the first among equals in the marriage relationship and are expected to lead and model proper family relationships as an example to be followed by mothers. Paul then commands parents to not provoke their children to anger. If you are reading from another translation of the Bible this command might read do not exasperate your children. If Paul was writing this letter to us today in the language that we use in our culture, this command probably would sound something like this: Do not place your children in a position where they cannot win. Do not put your children in a no win situation.

Parents, we all have the temptation to do this, don’t we? As parents we have all the power and we can pull almost all the strings. We have the strings to the checkbook; the car; the TV; to privileges; and to the freedom that children desire. We have a great deal of control over our children; we are bigger, stronger, and control all the levers. And because we have all the power and control it is very easy to abuse our power and control in a way that our children feel like they are in a no win situation. And as children feel like they are in a no win situation, there is nothing that they can do to be right. And just like us adults, when children feel that they are in a no-win situation where nothing they do is right, they will lash out in a way that creates conflict, stress and strain in our family relationships.

But parents, here’s the thing; parenting, by very definition is the God-ordained loss of control. I mean, do we not want our children to grow up so that they would be able to navigate and function in society as a healthy functioning member of society. That is the point and goal of parenting, isn’t it? And as our children get older we gradually begin to lose the power and control over our children that we once had. When our children are infants and small children, we have almost total control of their lives; we control what and when they eat and sleep. We control what they wear and watch.

However, as children grow and mature physically, emotionally and spiritually, we gradually begin to lose control, don’t we? Children begin to have their own thoughts and desires. Children begin to question decisions with perspectives that show increasing maturity. And as we sense that we are beginning to lose the control that we once had, parents are faced with a decision: do I attempt to parent and lead my children by means of control or by means of influence. And our tendency and temptation is to attempt to keep and maintain the same level of control that we have always had. But as we attempt to cling to that control, we begin to experience conflict with our children that strain our relationships. And it is those very conflicts that result in us as parents losing the very influence to speak into the lives of our children at the very time that they need our influence the most.

Instead of provoking our children to anger; instead of putting our children in no win situations, Paul commands parents to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. What is so interesting here is that the phrase “bring them up” is the same phrase that we looked at last week in Ephesians 5:29 that described how husbands were to provide for the care and the comfort of their wives. And in a similar way, parents are to create a family environment where children are able to grow and mature into all that God has created and called them to be.

How parents are to create a family environment that promotes the growth and good of children is through the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In the language that this letter was originally written in, discipline refers to the act of providing guidance for responsible living. By contrast, when Paul uses the word instruction here, he is referring to a parents need to counsel their children about avoiding or stopping behavior that is improper or inappropriate.

In other words, parents are to guide and influence our children so that they would live in the relationship with God and in relationship with others that God designed them to live. Parents have been given the role and responsibility to guide and influence their children in a manner that they would live a life in the relationship with God and one another that they were created for. In addition, parents have been given the role and responsibility to guide and influence their children to avoid the landmines that selfishness, sin, and the devil place in their path.

And it is in this verse that we see Paul reveal a timeless and powerful principle when it comes to how parents fulfill their roles and responsibilities within a family. And that timeless principle is that as parents, our ability to influence our children is based on the depth of our relationship with our children. And this is why the issue of control and influence is so, so, so important when it comes to our role and responsibility as parents.

You see parents, here is the thing; we will be unable to be able to guide and influence our children as they grow and mature if we choose to cling to the concept of parenting by control. Now the reason why parenting by control results in a loss of influence is twofold. First, while parenting by control can produce external obedience, it does not result in heart transformation. While parenting by control addresses the “what” of a child’s behavior, it fails to address the “why” of a child’s behavior. And it is the “why” of a child’s behavior that reveals the heart attitudes and motivations.

Second, as your child grows, you no longer are able to exercise control because you are bigger and smarter. And because of that reality, we can find ourselves attempting to exercise control through manipulation, which children see right through and resent. And soon, children find themselves in the place of being in a no win situation that produces, conflict stress, and strife. And the result is a gradual destruction of the depth and quality of our relationship with our children. At some point, as parents, we need to recognize that are children have come to place in their lives in terms of their physical, emotional, and spiritual maturity that requires a shift from parenting by control to parenting by influence. What makes this so difficult, however, is that no two children are the same. Children mature at different rates, so the decision as to when to shift from control to influence will be different for each and every child.

And parents just as God will not hold you responsible or accountable for how your children respond to the role and responsibility of leadership that you have been given, God will totally hold you 100% accountable for how you lead and influence your children. And our decision when it comes to choosing to parent by control or influence will impact the amount of influence we have with our children. When we choose to parent strictly by control, we can find ourselves in a place where we gradually begin to erode the relationship we have with our children. A place where we so erode the relationship that we have with our children that we end up losing our ability to guide and lead our children at the very time in their lives when they need our guidance and influence the most.

You see, the time in our children’s lives where they will be making the biggest decisions in their lives; decisions about colleges; decisions about careers; decisions about marriage and family; these are the times where we have the least control. And these are the very times when we need to have the most influence in their lives. Yet when we fail to move from parenting by control to parenting by influence as our children grow we can so erode our relationship with our children that we end up having the least amount of influence when our children need it the most. Because parents our ability to influence our children is based on the depth of our relationship with our children.

So parents, how well are you dealing with the tension that comes from parenting by control or influence? Are you provoking your children to anger? Are you placing your children in no win situations that result in conflict that is gradually eroding your relationship with them? Because parents our ability to influence our children is based on the depth of our relationship with our children.

How our willingness to follow the leadership of our parents will influence how we will follow leadership in the future...

As a church we have been talking about family relationships.And as we have just come to the conclusion of this series, I would like for us to spend this week talking about the dynamic, or sometimes just the dynamite, that describes the relationships that occur between parents and children in families. For the past twenty two years, I have had the privilege of working with students and families in a variety of roles. And during my time working at a juvenile jail, as a probation officer supervising troubled teenagers, as a Student Ministries Pastor serving Jr. High, Sr. High and College aged students, or now in my current role as Pastor, I have experienced a common theme or thread that runs through the conflict and struggles that many families experience.

The common theme and thread is that much of the conflict that families experience between parents and children is the result of either confusion or rebellion when it comes to roles and responsibilities. In some cases conflict occurs as a result of either a parent or child attempting to fill a role that they were not designed to fill. In other cases, conflict occurs as a result of either a parent or child rebelling against the role and responsibilities that they have within a family.

You have to look no further than popular culture to see this play out. In the last several years, we have seen several very public cases where celebrity’s lives have run off the rails while their parents attempt to be their child’s B.F.F. and Facebook buddy, happily club-hopping and dancing on tables with their children in an attempt to relive their childhood. And we have also seen increasing instances in our culture where children are in essence parenting their younger brothers, sisters, and even parents as a result of parents who are ill equipped, unprepared, and unwilling to be parents. In other instances, we see the devastating effects of selfish rebellion and sin wreak havoc on families as both parents and children go to war with one another. And whether it is out of confusion or rebellion, at the end of the day both parents and children are left dazed, disillusioned and confused by the conflict that rages within the family.

As we look at another section of a letter that the Apostle Paul wrote to the church of Ephesus we discover God’s Divine design for the roles and goals of parents and children within family relationships. In Ephesians 6:1-4, we see two timeless and powerful principles, one for children and one for parents, that have incredible influence as to whether or not we experience the family relationships that God created and designed us to experience. Today, let's look at God's design for the role and responsibility of children in a family relationship, beginning in Ephesians 6:1:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.

Paul begins this section of his letter to the church at Ephesus by addressing the roles and responsibilities that children have when it comes to God’s design for family relationships. Paul commands children to obey your parents in the Lord. Now when Paul uses the word obey here, this word, in the language that this letter was originally written in, not means to follow instructions. In addition, this word conveys the sense of being subject to one who has a position of leadership and authority.

Paul’s point here is that children are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their parents in a way that follow their leadership. Children are to obey their parent in the Lord. In other words, children are to willingly place themselves under their parent’s leadership in the same manner that they are to place themselves under the leadership of Jesus.

Now a natural question that has arisen in the hearts and minds of children throughout history when it comes to obeying our parent’s instructions can be summarized in a simple three letter word: “why”? The Apostle Paul, anticipating this question, provides the answer for us by stating for this is right. This phrase reveals the reality that just like the other relationships within a family that we have looked at in this series children have certain obligations and responsibilities that God desires to be met when it comes to the family. God has a design for family relationships and part of His design is that children willing place themselves under their parent’s leadership and authority.

Paul then reinforces why it is right for children to willingly place themselves sunder their parents leadership by pointing back to one of God’s commands to the Jewish people which is recorded for us in another letter in our Bible called the book of Exodus. In Exodus 20:12, as part of the Ten Commandments, we see God command the Jewish people to honor their father and mother. Now when the Bible talks about honoring someone, it is the idea of showing a high regard or respect for someone. Paul quotes this commandment to reveal for us the reality that when children willingly place themselves under their parent’s leadership and authority we are fulfilling this commandment by showing them the regard and respect that they deserve as parents.

The apostle then explains that this is the first of the Ten Commandments that is accompanied by a promise. In other words, our positive response of following this commandment results in a promise fulfilled by God. The promise that God attaches to this command is twofold and is revealed for us in verse 3. First, God promises children that they are to live their lives in a way that shows regard and respect for their parents by willingly placing themselves under their leadership so that it may be well with you.

And children, we know this to be true don’t we? When we respect our parents and follow their instructions, things tend to go much smoother at home don’t they? There is less fighting, there is less yelling, and there is less nagging. Children and students, if you are not sure that this is the case, I have an experiment for you to do this week to test God’s promise; whenever your parents ask you to do something, just say o.k. and do it the first time. See what happens. See whether or not it will be well with you.

Second, God promises children that they are to show regard and respect for their parents by willingly placing themselves under their leadership that you may live long on the earth. Now a natural temptation is to view this statement in a similar way to what I occasionally experienced when I did not show my parents respect or follow their instructions. Occasionally, when I failed to follow the instructions of my parents or show disrespect to them, my father would say “just remember I brought you into this world and I can take you out of this world”. Maybe some of us still hear our parents say something like that to us. And while that statement was true, that is not all that Paul is reminding us of here.

Paul is not simply talking about the quantity or length of our years on earth. Paul is also reminding us of the reality that the quality or how well our years go on earth are connected to how we respond to our parents leadership and authority. You see, it is in this timeless promise that God attaches to this command that we see revealed for us a timeless and powerful principle when it comes to how children respond to their roles and responsibilities within a family. And that timeless principle is this: Children, your willingness to follow the leadership of your parents will influence how you will follow leadership in the future.

Children and students, here’s the thing; no matter how old you become, no matter how smart or strong you become, no matter how much money you make, there will always be someone who is in leadership and authority over you. If you do not think that is the case, just look at the lives and listen to the conversations of the adults who exercise leadership within your family, whether it is your parents, your grandparents, or other relatives. There is always someone in our lives that we are responsible to report to and answer to when it comes to our attitude and actions.

And your willingness to place yourselves under the leadership of your parents will influence and impact your willingness to willingly place yourself under the leadership of others in the future. Your willingness to willingly place yourselves under the leadership and authority of your parents in a way that regards and respects them will influence and impact how you will respond to the leadership and authority of teachers, employers, and other authority figures in the future.

Now, children and students, just like the men last week, and just like the ladies two weeks ago, you may be here this morning and you may be pushing back by thinking “but Dave you don’t know my mom. You don’t know my dad. You do not know how they treat me. Paul would not have written that if he knew my parents”. My response would be yes he would have. Because this has absolutely nothing to do with your parents. And this has everything to do with you.

You see I have some good news and some bad news for you this morning. The good news is that God will not hold you responsible or accountable for how good or bad your parents are. God will deal with your parents on how your parents treat you. The bad news is that God will totally hold you 100% accountable for how you treat your parents. And how you choose to treat your parent’s sets in place patterns that you will follow the rest of your life. Because your willingness to follow the leadership of your parents will influence how you will follow leadership in the future.

So this morning, students, children, how are you doing when it comes to willingly place yourselves under the leadership and authority of your parents? Because children, your willingness to follow the leadership of your parents will influence how you will follow leadership in the future. How you respond to your parents leadership and authority will influence and impact how you will respond to the leadership and authority of teachers, employers, and other authority figures in the future.

Why Does God's Design for Marriage Matter?

This week, we are focusing on the role and responsibility that men are to fulfill in a marriage relationship. Yesterday, we discovered the timeless reality that Paul reveals for us is that our willingness to embrace our leadership responsibilities reflects our willingness to follow Jesus example.

However, as a result of our first parent’s sin, men tend to abdicate their leadership responsibilities and instead function in one of two extremes. Apart from Jesus work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s activity in our lives, men have a natural bent to act as either a coward or a chauvinist when it comes to their relationship with women. You see, all men throughout history have a tendency to be either cowards or chauvinists. That is why, as we talked about at the very beginning of this series, for us to experience relationships as God designed them to be experienced requires that we be influenced by God’s Spirit. God has designed specific roles within relationships and God has designed specific goals that those relationships are to accomplish. And for us to accomplish those goals, we need to live a life that is influenced and controlled by God’s spirit.

Now whether you are married or single; whether you are a man or a woman; and you may be wondering “why does God’s design for marriage even matter? What is the big deal? I mean, why is it so important that husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church? Why is it so important that wives willingly place themselves under their husband’s leadership? Sure maybe my marriage does not function like the Bible teaches, but things are o.k.” If those are some of the thoughts that are running through your mind, I just want to let you know that those are fair questions to be asking. We see Paul answer these questions by pointing to a second parallel that is revealed by God’s design and purpose for marriage, beginning in Ephesians 5:31:

FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.

Here Paul is quoting Genesis 2:24, which describes the marriage relationship and the intimacy that the one flesh marriage relationship should experience. As we talked about last week, Adam and Eve were able to be totally transparent and vulnerable with one another. They were united in a one flesh relationship physically, spiritually, and emotionally as a result of their love for God and one another that viewed one another with equal value and worth. Yet while Adam and Eve had equal value and worth in God’s creation, they had different roles and responsibilities to fulfill. Adam was to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting Eve. And Eve was to lovingly coming under and following Adam’s leadership in a way that allows for her spiritual growth and good. But notice what Paul states next in verse 32:

This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Now when Paul uses the word mystery here, this word refers to is a timeless truth about God and His Divine Plan that was once hidden, but now has been made known through Christ. This once hidden timeless truth about God, according to Paul is of utmost importance. He then proclaims exactly what this great mystery that has now been made known is: but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. You see, here’s the thing: the reason why the health of you marriage is so important in God’s eyes; the reason why God has a divine design for the roles that men and women are to have within a marriage relationship; is that marriage has been divinely designed by God to be a picture on earth of the intimacy that we will have for all eternity with Christ. Marriage was designed by God to be a word picture to the world of the vulnerability, the transparency, and the intimacy that followers of Jesus will experience for all eternity with Him.

So when we choose to reject, to rebel, to pushback against God’s design when it comes to the roles and responsibilities that men and women have in marriage, we end up portraying a false picture of the relationship that we were designed to have with God for all eternity. And when our marriages are marked by confusion and conflict when it comes to the roles and responsibilities that men and women have in marriage, we end up portraying a flawed picture of the relationship that we were designed to have with God for all eternity.

That is why the Bible states that God hates divorce. God hates divorce because divorce mars and misrepresents the eternal covenant relationship that Jesus has with His followers. The covenant relationship that Jesus selflessly and sacrificially died for; the same selfless and sacrificial love that Paul commands husbands to love their wives with. You see, God desires that our marriages experience a glimpse of the intimacy that we will experience for all eternity with Jesus. But to experience that intimacy requires following God design when it comes to the roles and responsibilities we have as men and women in marriage, which is why Paul concludes this section of this letter the way he does in Ephesians 5:33:

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

In other words, what is important and what is the point of the past two weeks is that husbands and wives faithfully fulfill their roles and responsibilities within marriage as God divinely designed. Husbands are to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting their wives as Christ lovingly leads the church. Wives are to fulfill their role in marriage relationships by lovingly coming under and following godly male leadership in a way that allows for their spiritual growth and good in their relationship with Christ and to exercise the gifts that God has given them.

Now here is the question: Who has the harder role and responsibility when it comes to marriage, the husband or the wife? I believe that the answer is both. I don’t know about you, but I find these two weeks to be incredibly challenging. It is hard for a wife to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And it is hard for a husband to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting his wife as Christ loved the church.

That is why it is so important that our relationships be controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit’s power, because our relationships are influenced by what influences us. And as we have seen, the embracing of our roles within marriage has profound implications for our relationship with God. Because the timeless reality is that a wife’s willingness to embrace and place themselves under a husband’s godly leadership reflects a wife’s willingness to follow Jesus leadership. And a husband’s willingness to embrace their leadership responsibilities reflects a husband’s willingness to follow Jesus example.


So do you think God's design for marriage matters? Why or why not?

Embracing our Leadership Responsibilities by Following Jesus Example...

This week, we are focusing on the role and responsibility that men are to fulfill in a marriage relationship. Yesterday, we discovered that God commands husbands to love our wives the same way that Christ loved the church. Husbands are to selflessly and sacrificially love their wives, just as Jesus selflessly and sacrificially loved humanity all the way to the cross.

Husbands, we are to love our wives in a way that brings them closer to Christ. We are to love our wives as an insider motivates and inspires them to become extraordinary women. Extraordinary in their spiritual splendor and purity. We are to love our wives in a way that results in pointing them to a deeper devotion to God and the mission that He has given us and provokes in them a desire to reveal and reflect Christ in their character and conduct.

Paul then continues by applying Christ’s love for the church even more clearly to the relationship between a husband and a wife in Ephesians 5:28-30:

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.

Now when Paul uses the word ought here, this word literally means to be under an obligation to meet certain expectations. And husbands, this is the obligation that we are supposed to meet: Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. Paul then makes an interesting statement that we sometimes pass by when he states that he who loves his own wife loves himself. But what does that mean? Paul here is anticipating the potential pushback these commands by drawing another parallel between a marriage relationship and the relationship that Christ has with His bride, the church. We see Paul begin to unpack this parallel in verses 29-30.

First Paul states that, when it comes to men, no one hates his own flesh; instead they nourish it and cherish it. In the athletic culture of the city of Ephesus, the physical body was of exceptional importance. And just like today, men in the city of Ephesus trained and worked out to compete in games. And just like today, men took care of their bodies when it came to what they ate. They made sure they had the proper nourishment so that they could perform well. When Paul uses the word cherish here, this word conveys the sense of comfort. The point that the apostle is making here is that just as men intuitively take pains to provide for the care and comfort of our physical bodies, we are to do the same when it comes to how we treat our wives. Men, we are to strive to provide and we are to care about the comfort of our wives physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs.

The reason we are to do that is because that is exactly what Christ does for His body the church. As we have talked about previously, the church is divinely designed to be the vehicle that God uses to reveal Jesus to the world. Jesus Christ is the head and we are the body or the vehicle that reveals and reflects Jesus to the world. And Jesus provides and cares for the physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs of His body, the church. And for husbands, the timeless reality that Paul reveals for us is that our willingness to embrace our leadership responsibilities reflects our willingness to follow Jesus example.

Now, men, just like the ladies last week, you may be pushing back by thinking “but Dave you don’t know my wife. Paul would not have written that if he knew my wife”. My response would be yes he would have. Because this has absolutely nothing to do with your wife. And this has everything to do with you. You see, Jesus never asks us to do something He has not already done men. Jesus died on the cross for your selfish rebellion and sin. And He was fully aware of your rebellion when He selflessly and sacrificially loved you to the cross. And He expects you to reflect that selfless and sacrificial love to your wife.

Now ladies, you may be wondering “why doesn’t my husband love me like that”? Ladies, the reason that your husband may not love you like that is the same reason why you push back against the idea of willingly placing yourselves under your husband’s leadership in the same manner that you are to place yourself under the leadership of Jesus. As we talked about last week, God divinely designed a marriage relationship with specific roles and responsibilities. And just like our first parents, Adam and Eve, while men and women have equal value and worth in God’s creation, men and women have different roles and responsibilities to fulfill; men are to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting women in ways that are appropriate to their relationship. Women are to fulfill their role in relationships by lovingly coming under and following godly male leadership in a way that allows for growth in their relationship with Christ and to exercise the gifts that God has given them.

However, as we looked at last week, instead of fulfilling his responsibility to lovingly, lead, protect, and provide for his wife, Adam cowardly chose to allow Eve to lead their relationship. You see, God gave His command to Adam, who was expected to lead the couple in following the command. The result was disobeying God’s command and sin entered the world and corrupted God’s design and creation. And as a result, there are specific consequences of our first parent’s sin that lead men and women to push back against their role in marriage relationships.

As a result of our first parent’s sin, all women throughout history have a natural bent and desire to rebel against and usurp God’s design for marriage relationships by attempting to exercise leadership and domination over men. And as a result of our first parent’s sin, men tend to abdicate their leadership responsibilities and instead function in one of two extremes. Apart from Jesus work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s activity in our lives, men have a natural bent to act as either a coward or a chauvinist when it comes to their relationship with women.

Mark Driscoll has done an outstanding job of summarizing the eight most prevalent ways men act as cowards or and chauvinists in their marriage relationships. First, let’s look at the selfish rebellion by men that leads to chauvinism. You may have met some of these men. First, there is no Sissy Stuff Sam. For No Sissy Stuff Sam, being a man means not being like a woman. No Sissy Stuff Sam’s driving life philosophy is whatever women do men are to do the exact opposite. These are the guys who are in a social environment who have contests as to who can belch the loudest, drink the most beer, be the most obnoxious, kill the most people on Halo or world of warcraft, be the toughest, coarsest, baddest dudes in town.

Then there is Success and Status Stewart. For Success and Status Stewart, being a man is all about material success. Success and Status Stewart is driven by how many toys are in the garage, how large his house is, how much money is in the bank account. Masculinity is defined by material possessions. Unfortunately Success and Status Stewart in never around to enjoy his toys or invest in his family because he is too busy striving for position and possessions. He is unable to lead and protect his family because he is never around.

Then there is Giv’em Hell Hank. This is guy that you see yelling and berating his wife and kids. Give’em Hell Hank is angry and abusive, spending his time inflating his ego by bullying and degrading his wife and kids. Now Give’em Hell Hank would never talk to another guy the way he talks to his wife, because he would probably get a beat down. Guys, is this you? Is this how you treat your wife and children? Because if it is I have a secret for you. You may not know this, but other men don’t respect you; other men think you are a joke. Berating and abusing your wife does not get you any street cred; and it does not get you any respect; it just shows that you are a male chauvinist pig that lives a life that is exactly the opposite of how Jesus treats His bride the church.

Then there is Giv’em Hell Hank’s cousin; I’m the Boss Bob. I’m the Boss Bob is driven to be in charge of something because if you are not in charge of something you are not a man. I’m the Boss Bob is domineering and controlling. This is the guy that will walk into a church or an organization and just say “I want to be in charge of something”. And here’s the thing about him; He loves to be in authority, but hates to be under authority. He is a prideful, positional and power hungry person.

In addition, there the different, yet just as bad, selfish and sinful stereotypes of cowardice. First, there is Little Boy Larry. And unfortunately, many in the church have unintentionally produced and rewarded Little Boy Larry. Little Boy Larry is the 35 year old guy who still lives with his mother in her basement and plays X-Box all night. He’s disorganized, has no job and no real desire to get a job; instead he is looking to find a woman who will work so that he can be a stay at home dad. And so often, the church will look at Little Boy Larry and say “Well Larry is so nice, he’s such a nice little boy”. Exactly. He is still a boy at 35 who refuses to take any responsibility for his life.

Then there is Sturdy Oak Owen. Now Sturdy Oak Owen is a guy who is absolutely dependable but emotionally absent. This is the husband who comes home from work every evening, eats dinner, and then goes to the reclining chair and reads the paper for the rest of the evening and does not engage or invest in his wife or family. He does not lead the family or address concerns within the family, but abdicates that responsibility to his wife because he works hard all day. Instead of leading and investing, he cowardly hides behind his “dependability”.

The other extreme is Hyper-Spiritual Henry. Hyper Spiritual Henry is the guy that always is walking around with his Bible using it as a sledge hammer. Hyper Spiritual Henry’s wife and children are always worried in public when they are around him because he will take every opportunity to take every conversation into a doctrinal debate. The problem with Hyper Spiritual Henry is that he talks at you but not to you. He spends his time cowardly hiding behind religious behavior and God talk, which He may or may not follow. He lets his wife and children know all he knows about God, but they feel that he may not know God or them.

Finally, there is Good Time Gary. Good time Gary is the guy that women like to date but hate to marry. Good time Gary is the life of the party; he makes things exciting and interesting. But for Good time Gary life just is a party. Gary is the guy whose irresponsibility pervades every part of his life. And after a while, Gary’s cowardly avoidance of responsibility through joking and partying and goofing his way through life gets just plain old.

So men, have I just described you? Or have I just described a selfish and sinful tendency that occasionally appears in your marriage relationship? You see, all men throughout history have a tendency to be either cowards or chauvinists. That is why, as we talked about at the very beginning of this series, for us to experience relationships as God designed them to be experienced requires that we be influenced by God’s Spirit. God has designed specific roles within relationships and God has designed specific goals that those relationships are to accomplish. And for us to accomplish those goals, we need to live a life that is influenced and controlled by God’s spirit.

Now whether you are married or single; whether you are a man or a woman; and you may be wondering “why does God’s design for marriage even matter? What is the big deal? I mean, why is it so important that husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church? Why is it so important that wives willingly place themselves under their husband’s leadership? Sure maybe my marriage does not function like the Bible teaches, but things are o.k.”

If those are some of the thoughts that are running through your mind, I just want to let you know that those are fair questions to be asking. And tomorrow, we will see Paul answer these questions by pointing to a second parallel that is revealed by God’s design and purpose for marriage.

So, do you willingly embrace your leadership responsibilities in a way that follow Jesus example? Or do you find yourself acting like a coward or a chauvinist?

Loving our Bride as Christ Loves His...

Last week, we began looking at the reality that nowhere in our culture today is God’s design for relationships more misunderstood, misapplied, or resisted then when it comes to the relationship that men and women are to experience within a marriage. Last week we focused like a laser beam on a wife’s role and goal within a marriage relationship. We discovered the timeless reality is that a wife’s willingness to embrace and place themselves under a husband’s godly leadership reflects a wife’s willingness to follow Jesus leadership.

Just as followers of Jesus are to willingly place themselves under His leadership as they exist in community with one another, wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship.

This week, I would like for us to focus like a laser beam on the men. So men, it is time for us to man up and put on our big boy pants. I say that because, for me personally, this is one of the most challenging passages of Scripture when it comes to my life as a a follower of Jesus. So let’s pick up where we left off last week, as Paul continues his conversation with the members of the church at Ephesus, in Ephesians 5:25:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

Paul continues his conversation with the members of the church at Ephesus by addressing God’s divine design for the role that men are to have in a marriage relationship with a command. This is not a suggestion or a goal to strive for; this is a command: Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”. Men God commands us as husbands to love our wives the same way that Christ loved the church. Paul is reminding the men of this first century church, and men throughout history, that they are so selflessly and sacrificially love their wives, just as Jesus selflessly and sacrificially loved humanity all the way to the cross.

Jesus left the glory of Heaven, laid aside His position and His prominence and entered into humanity in order to live a life as a homeless man and die the most humiliating and painful death imaginable. Men that is how we are to love our wives. We are to love our wives as Jesus loves His church. Paul then continues by unpacking the results that Jesus love has on His relationship with the church in verses 26-27:

so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

Here we see Paul reveal two specific results that Christ’s selfless and sacrificial love had when it came to His relationship with the church. First, Paul states that Jesus loved the church selflessly and sacrificially so that He might sanctify her. Now this word sanctify that Paul uses here paints for us an amazing word picture. This word literally means to include a person in the inner circle of what is holy. This is a word picture of a person who was once an outsider now being made a part of the family. Jesus love for His church resulted in those who were once on the outside when it came to having a relationship with God now being able to be an insider and a part of the family of God as a result of Jesus life, death, and resurrection.

When Paul uses the phrase, “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, he is reminding the readers of this letter of what occurs at baptism. The phrase with the word refers to ones confession of faith that occurs during a baptism. At baptism, one publicly identifies themselves as being a follower of Jesus. And part of that process is sharing one’s testimony of how they became a follower of Jesus. Paul’s point here is that the church reveals and reflects the relationship with God that they were created for and brought into as a result of Jesus selfless and sacrificial love when people publicly proclaim and identify themselves with the inward transformation that has changed their lives through believing, trusting, and following Jesus.

Second, Paul states that Jesus loved the church selflessly and sacrificially so that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. In other words, Jesus love for the church was so that the church would be made glorious. Jesus loves His church and desires that His bride the church would possess and inherent quality of splendor and purity that is extraordinary. Jesus loves the church so that the church would be without spot or stain or blemish. Jesus loves the church so that the church would be without any cracks or flaws. Jesus loves the church so that his bride the church would respond to His selfless and sacrificial love by being devoted and dedicated to Him. And Jesus loves His bride the church with the desire that His bride would respond to His love with a life that reflects His character and His conduct; a life that is faultlessly focused on pleasing Him.

Now men, here is a question for us to consider: Do we love our wives like that? Do we love our wives in a way that brings them closer to Christ? Do we treat them like an outsider or love them as an insider? Do we love our wives in a way that makes them glorious? Do we love our wives in a way that is motivated that they would become extraordinary women? Extraordinary in their spiritual splendor and purity? Do we love our wives in a way that results in pointing them to a deeper devotion to God and the mission that He has given us? Do we love our wives in a way that provokes in them a desire to reveal and reflect Christ in their character and conduct?

Because that is how Christ loves the church. And that is how husbands are to love their wives. Now, if those questions are not challenging enough, Paul continues in this letter to this early church to apply Christ’s love for the church even more clearly to the relationship between a husband and a wife. We will look at that application tomorrow.

So, men, how do you love your bride? Do you love your wives selflessly and sacrificially? As Christ loves His bride, the church?

The Impact of Embracing and Placing Ourselves Under Leadership...

This week we have been focusing on a wife’s role and responsibility within a marriage relationship. In Ephesians 5:22-23, Paul commands that wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And Paul seems to add to the tension when he states that wives are to be subject as to the Lord. In other words women are to willingly place themselves under their husband’s leadership in the same manner that they are to place themselves under the leadership of Jesus.

We also have looked at two areas of confusion that causes tension about what the Bible says about the role of women in marriage relationships. First, we looked at the confusion that can often arise when we talk about the idea of leadership or authority within a marriage relationship due to how our culture attempts to portray God’s design when it comes to a women’s role in a marriage. Yesterday, we looked at the confusion, which is the tendency in our culture to confuse value and roles. While our culture tends to assign value and worth to roles, or what we do, this is not how that Bible evaluates value and worth.

We ended yesterday by explaining that while men and women have equal value and worth in God’s creation, men and women have different roles and responsibilities to fulfill; men are to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting women in ways that are appropriate to their relationship. Women are to fulfill their role in relationships by lovingly coming under and following godly male leadership in a way that allows for growth in their relationship with Christ and to exercise the gifts that God has given them.

Now a natural and great question that arises here is “well Dave if God really designed marriage relationships to be like this, then why doesn’t my husband do what he is supposed to do? Why doesn’t he lovingly, lead, protect, and provide for me?” Or you may be thinking “Well Dave, if this is the case, if this is God’s design, then why do I want to push back against this so hard?” These are great questions to ask, and here would be my answer: We push back on this so hard just as our first parents pushed back on this truth. We see their push back recorded for us just one chapter later, in Genesis 3:

Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree of the garden '?" The woman said to the serpent, "From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.'" The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die! "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.

Instead of fulfilling his responsibility to lovingly, lead, protect, and provide for his wife, Adam cowardly chose to allow Eve to lead their relationship. God gave His command to Adam, who was expected to lead the couple in following the commandment. The result was disobeying God’s command and sin entered the world and corrupted God’s design and creation. We see the specific consequences of our first parent’s sin that leads women to push back against their role in marriage relationships in Genesis 3:16:

To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you."

What is so interesting here is that this phrase “your desire will be for your husband” is not referring to a sexual or relational desire. We know that to be the case because this phrase is used just one chapter later, in Genesis chapter four. After God rejected an act of worship that was offered by Adam and Eve’s son, named Cain. Cain was very angry. He was so angry that his anger was revealed in his countenance or body language. And it is in this context that we see this phrase appear again in Genesis 4:7:

"If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."

You see, sin was crouching at Cain’s door, desiring to dominate and manipulate Cain into rebelling against God. And in the same way, as a result of our first parent’s sin, all women throughout history have a natural bent and desire to rebel against God’s design in creation by seeking to usurp and rebel against God’s design for marriage relationships by attempting to exercise leadership and domination over men. And as a result of our first parent’s sin, men tend to abdicate their leadership responsibilities and instead function as either cowards or chauvinists. And God does not find either of these attitudes funny. And that is why Paul reinforces God’s design when it comes to the role and goal that a woman has in a marriage relationship with the following statement in Ephesians 5:24:

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Paul reinforces God’s design for women within a marriage relationship by explaining that just as followers of Jesus are to willingly place themselves under His leadership as they exist in community with one another, wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And what makes this statement even more difficult is the last two words in everything. This is not just about what occurs in the bedroom, or the laundry room. Wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in every aspect of their marriage.

And ladies here is where your response to God’s design can reveal a great deal about where you are spiritually in terms of the depth of your relationship with Christ. And for wives specifically, the timeless reality is that your willingness to embrace and place yourself under a husband’s godly leadership reflects your willingness to follow Jesus leadership. You see, ladies, your willingness to willingly place yourself under the leadership of Jesus will be reflected in your willingness to willingly place yourself under your husband’s godly leadership.

So often, as followers of Jesus, we can often find ourselves practically living life in this manner: God you can be large and in charge of these parts of my life, but when it comes to my money, when it comes to my habits, or when it comes to my marriage, I will be large and in charge of those parts of my life. However, Jesus desires to be large and in charge of every part of our lives, including our marriages. And when God created marriage, He divinely designed specific roles and goals within marriage that result in God’s glory and our good. And our willingness as husbands and wives to embrace and place ourselves within those roles have a profound impact on the depth and intimacy we have with Christ.

Now, this week, we have focused like a laser beam on the ladies. And ladies I know that it is always hard to have to go first on an issue like this. Next week, we will spend our time focused like a laser beam on the men. Ladies, I would ask that you spend some time prayerfully asking God for the wisdom to know what to do with what you have heard and the courage to do what needs to be done so that you would be able to experience the blessings that come from living in the relationship with God and one another in the marriage that God designed. Because a woman's willingness to embrace and place yourself under a husband’s godly leadership reflects your willingness to follow Jesus leadership.

Cultural Confusion about Worth and Roles...

As we talked about yesterday, nowhere in our culture today is God’s design for relationships more misunderstood, misapplied, or resisted then when it comes to the relationship that men and women are to experience within a marriage. So this week, we will focus like a laser beam on a wife’s role and responsibility within a marriage relationship. In Ephesians 5:22-23, Paul commands that wives are to willingly place themselves under the leadership of their husbands in a way that follows their leadership in a marriage relationship. And Paul seems to add to the tension when he states that wives are to be subject as to the Lord.

In other words women are to willingly place themselves under their husband’s leadership in the same manner that they are to place themselves under the leadership of Jesus. Now, I believe that the tension that we tend to feel fill a room when we discuss what the Bible has to say about the relationship between men and women within a marriage, especially when it comes to these verses, often flows from two specific areas of confusion. Yesterday, we looked at the first area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about the idea of leadership or authority within a marriage relationship, which is due to how our culture attempts to portray God’s design when it comes to a women’s role in a marriage. We looked at the five most prevalent stereotypes that are portrayed about what our culture believes the Bible says about a women’s role in a marriage relationship.

This first area of confusion that surrounds the stereotypes of women is compounded by a second area of confusion that can often arise when we talk about leadership and authority within a marriage relationship, which is the tendency in our culture to confuse value and roles. While our culture tends to assign value and worth to roles, or what we do, this is not how that Bible evaluates value and worth. For example, let’s look at the relationship between members of the Trinity. All three members of the trinity possess the same nature. God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are all equally divine in terms of their nature.

Yet while every member of the trinity has the same nature, essence, and value, they have different roles, responsibilities, and authority. God the Father is the first among equals; God the Father exercises the leadership and authority role in the relationship amongst the Trinity. Jesus and the Holy Spirit, while equal in value and worth to God the Father, fall under and follow His leadership. We see Jesus do this throughout the gospels. And we see Paul talk about this reality throughout his letters that he wrote to various churches.

Another example is the twelve disciples. While there were twelve disciples, and all twelve were equal in their value and worth as disciples, Peter was the first amongst equals. Peter was the leader that the rest of the disciples followed in terms of leadership and authority. We see this throughout the book of Acts. This same principle also applies to God’s design for relationships in humanity when it comes to men and women within marriage. We see the mutual value and worth of men and women revealed for us in Genesis 1:27:

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Both men and women were created by God in His relational image and are of equal value and worth in His sight. And because of that reality, men and women are to be treated with equal value, respect and worth by one another. To treat a woman any other way contradicts the crystal clear teaching of God’s word. In Genesis 2 we read that God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. God then gave Adam a job to tend the garden and name the animals and just one command to follow; don’t eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. But, as Adam named all the animals, he did not find a helper suitable for him and we read the first time that God said that something was not good; it is not good for man to be alone. So God caused Adam to fall to sleep and took one of his ribs and formed Eve, the first woman. Ladies that is why we men do not understand you, we don’t understand you because we were asleep. And as God brought Eve into Adam’s presence, we see Adam’s response and God’s design for marriage revealed for us, beginning in Genesis 2:22:

The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Adam and Eve were both naked and not ashamed because they were able to be totally transparent and vulnerable with one another. They were united in their love for God and one another and viewed one another with equal value and worth. Yet while Adam and Eve had equal value and worth in God’s creation, they had different roles and responsibilities to fulfill; Adam was to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting Eve. And Eve was to lovingly coming under and following Adam’s leadership in a way that allows for her spiritual growth and good.

And just like our first parents while men and women have equal value and worth in God’s creation, men and women have different roles and responsibilities to fulfill; men are to exercise a role of leadership and authority as first among equals by lovingly leading, providing, and protecting women in ways that are appropriate to their relationship. Women are to fulfill their role in relationships by lovingly coming under and following godly male leadership in a way that allows for growth in their relationship with Christ and to exercise the gifts that God has given them.

Now a natural and great question that arises here is “well Dave if God really designed marriage relationships to be like this, then why doesn’t my husband do what he is supposed to do? Why doesn’t he lovingly, lead, protect, and provide for me?” Or you may be thinking “Well Dave, if this is the case, if this is God’s design, then why do I want to push back against this so hard?” These are great questions to ask, and here would be my answer: We push back on this so hard just as our first parents pushed back on this truth.

Tomorrow we will look at how our first parents pushed back on this truth and its implications for all of us when it comes to marriage and family relationships. In the meantime, do you find yourself buying into the cultural confusion of value and worth being based on our role or what we do?